There's a dream life inside all of us. For most of us it dies as we grow older, or -if we're lucky - we hold onto some part of it. But we come into this world in truth and leave it in truth - having honored or dishonored our truths as we pleased. But no matter how far we stray from our dreams, they speak of a home to us where we can live forever. And finding that home is the point and hope of every human life.
No one since Jesus has honored his dreams as much as John Lennon. I say this because I know this to be true beyond all measure of doubt. His life was an ancient one, from times before recorded history, when love ruled the world. John never left that world, blazing his own trail through this one, breathing the word of God. And the word was "Love".
Hid childhood was mythic, never backing down from his dreams even as the world around him grew furious with his committment. Raised by his Aunt Mimi (at 5, John was asked to choose between his irresponsible mother or his aunt to raise him. He chose his aunt.), he had epic arguments with her over the course he should take for his life ("A guitar's alright" she said, "but you'll never earn a living by it."). School was a place for cutting up and hanging out with his own little gang as John was naturally the strongest personality since he most did what he wanted.
He was savaged by his teachers and branded a hopeless loser for failing to conform. Meanwhile, John was looking in the mirror as his face "tranced into alpha", secretly feeling himself a unique freak isolated in all the world. But he lived without shame, always expressing himself, learning who he was. He never got off that path until the day he died. As John was to later say, "My life is my art."
He found a home in rock and roll, suiting both his mentality and lifestyle. Lennon never held a straight job in his life (the rest of the Beatles all did at some point). It was success or bust for him. He met another fellow named Paul and John had to decide: do I let him in and make my band stronger or keep him out so I stay unchallenged? The music was always the greater good, a mistress who would never betray him if he did not betray her.
The days of struggling were legendary. Stops and starts of success. Learning their chops in the sweaty nightclubs of Hamburg, scarfing "greenies" to keep awake, carousing around till the wee hours, peeing on the heads of nuns as they passed underneath a balcony and fighting the insecure "tough guys" threatened by the boys' singing and avant-garde look. Stu - more a painter than a musician - was John's closest friend and ally who later died from injuries from one of these scuffles.
The Beatles were on the forefront of all that was new and happening and alive. The 60s were a time of questioning and believing (and ultimately running away from the answers) and it was an explosion of life not seen before or since in human history. Dreamers from around the world were tapping into this new energy, letting it possess them and carress them across the universe. But Johnny boy was always The One Who Understood, the innest of the in, the brightest of bright, the one who most believed.
The Beatles ruled the world. "We believed we were the best band in the world, and believing that made us what we were." Treated as boy pharaohs, they were lavished with the best of the best, their tours traveling orgies everyone wanted to climb aboard. They were primal and eternal, speaking to the inner dream child in all of us. The music was magical, ringing true in its expressions of life and love, bringing us all home, making us one. John made the world his family.
"When we hit town, we really hit town, there was no pissing about." But no matter how much fucking John crammed into his life, at the end of the day he was still alone and looking for that One to complete him. He sang of her before ever meeting her. And when he did, it started a new chapter in his life - the chapter that would save his life. As a Beatle, John was "the cocky, aggressive guy who had all the answers" while also being a pig and "the pressures of being a pig were killing me."
But Yoko was his salvation from all that. In the aftermath of the Beatles, John took on a new direction, one bereft of illusion and imagery, coming back home to the pain in his life long since ignored. It was the beginning of a ten year journey of healing. While railing against the corruption on the world, John found his own corruption to be the true problem. He sang of his isolation, self-destruction and being lost - just like we all are.
I hear it every day, people telling me love does not interest them, that it's hopeless and unreal, an illusion. But I also then see their every act, their every word, their every fear is for love. Such is the tragic human comedy. Lennon became one with whom no one could live. His choice was to either face himself - or die. And in facing himself he found a little boy needing love - the fight was over, he surrendered to who he was. He came back to his One, started his family and spent the last five years of his life living the dream every soul ever born wishes to live - in a home wrapped with love.
"It's the gift of responsibility." Looking skyward, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" John revealed all in his final interview. No one enjoyed life more than he. His times of domestic bliss were just as magical as his time as a Beatle. He'd reached high and lows most never know ("I've done more living than most people do in ten lifetimes"). And though his body was taken away, it was too late. For words once spoken can never be unknown again: "All you need is love" is branded upon us as a Forever Truth. Thank God.
But by 1980 the winds had reversed a full 180 degrees from Johnny's time. He grew up, the world stayed behind. His light shined unerringly on the dark deeds of a world that refused to believe in love - a world now left with no excuse intact. As a friend of mine once said, "We shoot everyone sent here to save us." We think there's safety in the dark, but the truth is safety lies only in the light. One need only step into it to find that out. That's all John Lennon ever wanted from anyone: to share his joy of life.
We live in a world that shoots all the dreamers on one hand and ask where have all the dreamers gone with the other. So now we're left only with those who bring us nightmares.
_______________________________
People say I'm crazy doing what I'm doing,
Well they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin,
When I say that I'm OK they look at me kind of strange,
Surely your not happy now you no longer play the game.
People say I'm lazy dreaming my life away,
Well they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me,
When I tell that I'm doing fine watching shadows on the wall,
Don't you miss the big time boy you're no longer on the ball?
I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,
I really love to watch them roll,
No longer riding on the merry-go-round,
I just had to let it go.
People asking questions lost in confusion,
Well I tell them there's no problem,
Only solutions,
Well they shake their heads and they look at me as if I've lost my mind,
I tell them there's no hurry...
I'm just sitting here doing time,
I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,
I really love to watch them roll,
No longer riding on the merry-go-round,
I just had to let it go.
I just had to let it go.
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