We distort, you deride.
ROMULUS, Mich. — A Nigerian man who said he was an agent for al-Qaida tried to blow up a Northwest Airlines plane Friday as it was preparing to land in Detroit, but travelers who smelled smoke and heard what sounded like firecrackers rushed to subdue him, the passengers and federal officials said.
Flight 253 with 278 passengers and 11 crew members aboard was about 20 minutes from the airport when passengers heard popping noises, witnesses said. At least one person climbed over others and jumped on the man. Shortly afterward, the suspect was taken to the front of the plane with his pants cut off and his legs burned, a passenger said.
One U.S. intelligence official said the explosive device was a mix of powder and liquid. It failed when the passenger tried to detonate it.
In national emergencies such as this, Foxy News assembles only the finest assortment of
BIMBO (hiking skirt): Like, Oh my God! We're all going to die!
EMPTY SUIT (plastic smile intact): Now, Bimbo. Let us manly men calm things down like the Bible tells us to do: not all of us are going to die.
ASSHOLE (pissed - as always): This is clearly Obama's fault! No way this happens under McCain! Hope you're happy America!
BIMBO (crossing legs like a cheerleader in the stands): Like totally his fault! Did you see how it was a Darkie who did this just like the President! OMG! [Yes, she literally said "OMG"]
ASSHOLE (more pissed, face looks like he's taking a dump he can't quite finish): Can't trust any of them! Want to tell me it's a coincidence they're both from Africa! Folks, don't be naive about this!
EMPTY SUIT (expression never changes from one of self-congratulation): I'd like to be fair about this - because fair is my middle name - and be the first to deny any conspiracy theories the President was involved with the alleged terrorist or fist bumped him in any way. Just to repeat: I'd like to go on record saying the PRESIDENT was not INVOLVED WITH the alleged TERRORIST.
Insert your own caption here
BIMBO (jiggling assets): I heard he had an atom bomb! He coulda blown up a whole state and left us with only 39!
ASSHOLE (getting Beck-ien at this point): Obama wants America to die!! He's fiendishly manipulating American patriotism to rally support for his failed foreign policies and deviant plans! That's something you never saw the previous President do!
BIMBO (hiking skirt again): Like, Oh my God! We're so all gonna die!
EMPTY SUIT (eyes furtively checking out Bimbo's legs. Finds he needs to cross his own) Just to recapitulate: We at Foxy News are denying all not-yet-PROVEN reports the PRESIDENT is IN LEAGUE with DARKIE TERRORISTS.
ASSHOLE (in hemorrhoidal rage): I'm sorry! I just have to speak the truth! We can't be fudging the facts in times like this. Obama is practically inviting them to come over here! If Michael Jackson can turn white, why can't he? Any true patriot would!
EMPTY SUIT (stiffening, clearly has mr. woody on his mind): You're right, Asshole! That's a fact no one can deny! I'd sure like to see the liberal media try to spin that one! I bet they'll try to spin it hard! Real hard! Hard as they can possibly get!
BIMBO (tossing legs up in the air): Please, somebody protect me in the Biblical way!
EMPTY SUIT (jumps on her in patriotic defense): God's will be done!
ASSHOLE (taking over the set, spitting nails and grabbing the camera for a close up): Get Obama now! Hang him high before he kills us all! All he wants to do is spread lies and foment hatred and whistle at white women! I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to fake it anymore! Obama is a raging, out-of-control traitor looking to incite violence against anyone who disagrees with him! Get him! Get him before he takes away all our women!
Asshole, Empty Suit, Bimbo
These photos require no doctoring!
More Foxy News babes here!
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Somebody once sang this to me
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