Monday, August 07, 2023

Whiplash

"Don't want you now! You're all used up. Go off and die for all I care."

The beauty of unvarnished social media truth shocked her back into decades ago teenage years - which she both feared and craved.

In the genteel cocoon to where she had retreated, no such directness ever penetrated. But the bottomless cruelty of loneliness drove her out.

Reconnecting on internet apps had her wondering of the life arcs of those with whom she'd lost touch. Time to compare!

After all, she had a millionaire husband, lovely children, and a claim to lifelong morality.

As a Worlder, she saw success at first telling the tale of her outward conquests, a true juggernaut. So she got brave.

Finding the guy she burned to be with her husband - now there's a chance for vindication!

Researching his photos and status she saw he was alone in the world, writing freelance articles for websites, just getting by. Loser!

Shimmering with keyboard courage she reached out and let slip her ride to glory. She even tried what she thought was a cleverly disguised taunt as a flirt.

But he came back with his earth-shattering quote, her face freezing in the pale monitor light, desperate for her cocoon cave.

Next day she deleted all internet traces, having a conversation with herself even God can never hear.
"I am used up."

How she had thrilled over the years at her objectification, at being deemed a useless female in a man's world as her husband's career skyrocketed.

She fantasized of his friends passing her around for her only possible purpose, running roughshod over her feigned protests. Yes! Yes! Yes!

This she secreted away with extreme prejudice, her only clue being her Christian identity as properly submissive woman.

Thinking back she knew there'd be a price for degrading her life. But she somehow convinced herself that day would never come.

Oh, how she prided herself on never lying to herself! His remark made her want to jump off a cliff with each and every fiber of her being.

More trapped than ever, her remaining days lay in ruins regardless of what story she could sell. Shame-pain-outrage-regret-forsaken-fraudulent fool for the ages.

No helping hand to ever come; no Jesus from the sky; waiting with hidden tears for the end; her makeup her most precious commodity.

Her only solace in knowing justice of the universe had been executed upon her.



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