Kitzbühel, Austria (AP) James Bond, the man who survived dozens of dangerous missions was killed today by gunshot while skiing in the Austrian Alps. In a statement issued by British intelligence agency MI6, foul play has "definitely not been ruled out" as any myriad of suspects or even countries could be responsible for what could quite possibly be a revenge killing. MI6 also iterated that the man known to the world as 007 was not on any sort of mission.
Since his wandering days as a youth before entering her majesty's secret service, Mr. Bond had been an avid skier in the Alps and was considered to have had world class talent had he chosen that for a career. The shot came from long range as Bond was slicing his way down the famous Kitzbühel downhill. MI6 officials confirm only an expert shot could have done this, most likely a professional. "We will be most vigorously investigating this outrage and those responsible will be brought to justice with extreme prejudice," according to C, head of MI6.
Current and former world leaders expressed outrage and dismay, often noting a feeling of helplessness and uneasiness for the future without Bond's skills to ensure security. "We're on our own now," lamented a former President who wished to remain anonymous. Conspiracy theories have been quick to rise up, ranging from a Russian revenge killing to an internal assassination by the British to even Bond still being alive. Whatever the truth, sorrow and pity pour forth from every quarter of the world.
The death of Bond was like adding a flame under a pot of water, the temperature gradually rising to a boil. As time passed, his death became more real to the general public who now felt vulnerable to the sick and twisted plans that constantly beset the world. It was like a free-for-all had been declared, even down to the common street mugger who felt suddenly emboldened by what seemed a collapse in the rule of law. Statistics in every category of crime saw a sharp spike with no end in sight. Calls for a "new James Bond" cried out but no one could answer the bell.
The anxiety of an increasingly concerned public finally boiled over as ad hoc community groups formed in order to stem the epidemic crime wave. From these grassroots organizations, national cooperations were formed across the globe by those who felt their government could no longer protect them. Those who'd never taken the effects of evildoers seriously while in the womb of 007's caretaking joined together with liberals to root out liars from positions of power. This was done with an urgency never seen before as the threat to a common freedom was fully realized amid a fear of "being thrown back to the stone age." In the end, it was realized secret agents - no matter how capable - were incapable of insuring the peace without the engagement of the larger populace.
CODA: It had been five years since Bond's "death" as the former 00 agent sipped his martini in quiet repose at his Goldeneye estate in Jamaica. Once he had seen the world secure itself - and from that there's no turning back - he exposed the truth of his continuing existence. During those years he'd been able to mend his failing marriage that had been weighing heavily on his heart for years on end, bordering on drowning. A long suppressed yearning for haiku poetry had been unleashed with small books published under a nom de plume receiving critical acclaim. The entire idea had been Bond's as he had simply stated to C: "If I can't save me, then how can I save the world - and why should I?"
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