VISITING VEGAS 21st CENTURY STYLE
Just another day in the casino/hotel lobby.
"Bobby, stop running around like that!" scolded a young mother to her 4 year old. "You know you can't be doing that, not without your flak jacket on!"
Armed guards with automatic weapons patrolled the grounds while wearing bright ebullient clothing covered with small slot machine icons. They waved their breast cancer pink M1 rifles with a smile at the children who pretended to shoot them as they passed by.
Part of the outside wall was roped off with a special designation. People were lined up to stand beside it, taking selfies, often making funny crotch gestures at the same time. Two girls giggled. "Look! It's the exact spot where President Moron peed on the building. It's so exciting to be a part of history!" Her friend concurred and both felt strangely grown up and responsible at having recognized an actual historical marker.
The hotel gift shop had a special running on ammo clips to "enhance and complete your Vegas adventure!" So-called "Sniper suites" were rented at a premium, sometimes doubling in price if been used by an actual sniper. At the Patriots Hotel a gun range was installed in the basement designed with "all your favorite targets: Muslims, Hillary Clinton, and liberals! All the people who make you feel inferior!" Reservations need to be made at least two weeks out due to overwhelming demand.
A guilty-looking man approached the front desk. He had two military rifles draped over one shoulder, a LAW rocket draped over the other, and two larges boxes marked "Munitions" among the luggage being dollied by the porter. "Hey, lady, hope ya don't mind me draggin' all this stuff in."
"Oh, no," explained the clerk. "We're just fine with that but I do have to tell you an extra security deposit will be required in case of window breakage."
"Ah, heck, that's no problem. I jess like me privacy, is all."
"Yes, sir. We understand, and we're here to accommodate! What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas - just like our profits and dead bodies."
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SO I'M A RAGGED OUT BITCH! GO BITE ME!
"So where are ya now, bitches? Ain't no beauty queen no more! Fuck you if you think I'm ragged out. I am ragged out - but fuck you if you think it. I don't regret nothin' I ever done! It's a hard life in rock'n'roll. I done more livin' in one lifetime than most people do in ten. I was worshiped like a goddess! I was rich and famous, not like you anonymous losers. I had any guy I wanted. Who are you? What have you cowards ever done?
"I hear you peons talkin' shit about me. Don't mean nothin'. If you really know anything you wouldn't be saying anything. Like dogs barking at the moon, you are. Empty. Pointless. And alone. Got nothin' to do with me. You fucks don't know nothin' cuz you ain't never been nothin'. Don't be out there whacking off to me. You'd of done anything just to lick my hot boots. Go on, ya losers. Go find something in yourself.
"It's all about making it to the top. I'm one of the lucky ones who got to taste the apple. Once you get a taste, ya gotta have more! What a great and glorious ride, every clock-puncher's dream. Meaning that comes from the inside, not from some factory chore. The name of Suzi Quatro will live forever! No one can take my fame from me. I'm not the bitch. You're the bitch. So I don't want anyone worrying about me being ragged out. I'm just fine without love."
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SECRET OBAMA TAPES REVEALED!
[From deep inside the first term, scared of the second term.]
"Mr. President Saint, I want to bring to your attention this program to help underprivileged black children who suffer from malnutrition. I know with your gracious heart and great empathy you can use your bully pulpit to help get this funded."
"You professional left asshole! I ain't using no bully pulpit! The Republicans won't let me! Are you trying to undermine my saintly agenda?? If they see me helping black people all they're going to say is how I'm selfish and serving special interests and only care about my own kind. Damn you, radicals!"
"But kind sir, I would beg to point out that the true assholes are the conservative pricks making those baseless accusations and that they are merely protesting their own behavior."
"You idiot! You know nothing of politics! I have to reach across the aisle to bring good and evil together. You know how many people that will piss off feeding those black brats. Damn those kids for trying to make me look bad."
"I'm sorry for being stupid, sir. I just don't see the harm in getting children proper nutrition."
"You'd be right if they were white and living in the suburbs. Look, I'll throw some money at it when I'm on my way out the door so I can keep the illusion of a liberal legacy. But not before! We cannot be divided. We can't let the perfect be the enemy of the good - which is me!"
"I promise to be more white! Black is ugly!"
"We also had a study come out showing how we can end prison rape and the much needed reforms we need to implement."
"You just want me to lose re-election, don't you?? Morons! I'm surrounded by morons. You want me to be seen as coddling prisoners and soft on crime?? They can take it up the ass a few more years until after I get re-elected. And besides, maybe it will turn them gay and all those votes are mine. That's all part of my brilliant triangulation. Two groups we don't have to give a shit about: prisoners and gays."
"And small black children."
"Will you shut up about them! It could be worse. I could drone strike their ass like I do Middle Eastern children. They should be grateful. So they don't eat right. Big deal! Let them go to Harvard like I did. I'll strike a pose and make an inspirational speech for them that everyone will applaud."
"We also have some major fraud cases in the banking sector, incidents of torture, and civil rights violations in the name of domestic security. We must fight for justice, sir!"
"Fuck justice! Fuck the rule of law! Justice only gets in the way of my popularity. Don't you dare touch those banks and fuck up my post-Presidential speaking fees. And I'd get my black ass roasted if I pushed back on torture. And if I don't wipe out 200 years of civil rights and we get attacked again then I'll get the blame! Justice is the enemy of the people."
"But, sir, you were elected with a mandate for justice. Trust me, saintly sir, if we don't enact the changes we promised people will get pissed and put some lunatic in charge just to get the change we never delivered."
"Hogwash! With my symbolic liberal gestures to fool the idiot left and sly ultra-conservative policies to appease the anti-Christ right I'll go down as the greatest President in like, ever! What makes me smarter than the rest of you - and justifies my every betrayal - is that it's NOT right and wrong that counts. The only thing that counts is people SAYING you're right or wrong."
"You know best, Mr. President God. But I do have to say you sound exactly like Donald Trump there."
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