Tres Caprichos

"Hey, like my deformity?"

Gina was a daydream believer and a homecoming queen. And she wanted to stay in that world forever and ever. But leaving the high school bubble made life difficult. She latched onto whatever hero worship she could find: police, firefighters, the military. She found great joy in lionizing their deeds but like with any addict, she had to have more.

Next she decided to devote herself "to the glory of God." All good things come from God. I am nothing! We're all nothing! Praise be to we who follow the word! She twisted and turned and mangled her rationale into believing her life still a dream to be envied. But her overly supplicant nature caused amusement in some.

But though she had many like-minded souls with whom to cavort, Gina became frustrated that not everyone saw the light. How outrageous to ignore the truth and the way! She became rigid and narrow-minded in her self-righteous martyrdom. I am persecuted because I speak the truth! But many started avoided Gina and her inevitable dogmatic speeches on behavior.

She decided she needed to do more. The world need guidance to enlightenment and a strong voice to lead it there. Reverend Jones was that man. His clarity and conviction fed a need in her in a life that had gone off the rails. Above all, she must cling to the idea she still led a magical life no matter how deformed it became. Then came the Kool-Aid time. A wailing woman approached Gina.

"Oh, my God! Did you hear? It's poisoned! Don't drink the Kool-Aid. People are dropping like flies. Oh, the horror!"

Gina corrected her to the last. "The horror is you! If this is what our leader says to do then it must be a good thing. Are you sure everyone is dying? How do you know until you try? Be open-minded! Are you saying you're too good to drink like everyone else? As for me, I'm a believer - and a happy one at that! It's good to die for something greater than yourself!"

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"Uncle Freddy is nuts."

"How do you mean?"

"He's the only person I know who burns himself in effigy."

"What does he do that for?"

"He says to make up for things he can't do."

"Like what?"

"He wouldn't say. He just said he can't do things he needs to do."

"How does hating himself help that?"

"He says it's a measure of his morality."

"More like a measure of his moron-ity."

"He said he can't just can't do nothing."

"Burning himself in effigy is worse than doing nothing."

"I said that. But he said he holds on long as he can then sooner or later he capitulates and lights up the effigy dummy. He feels satisfaction when it's burning then feels like shit afterwards."

"So hopeless."

"I asked him how he expects to go through life that way. He said it's immoral to expect anything from life."

"Good luck with all that!"

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Mr. and Mrs. Jones had acquired 12 million dollars over the years in clever banking schemes. All legal, all above board, no one could say a word against them. But they were afraid - very afraid. Their much beloved home with a view of the San Francisco bay was built on the foundation that "legal" equated to "moral". If people started to wake up to this being an untruth all their wealth and scheming would vanish into thin air.

What to do? Grab the loot while you can!

But there was a fly in the ointment of paradise. A blogger with an axe to grind against the couple for their greedy ways kept a blog at mrandmrsjonessuck.com. He portrayed them as morally bankrupt, conceiving their children in selfish sin, and Christian hypocrites. The more the couple proclaimed their wealth a gift from God the more the angry blogger claimed they were possessed by their money.

This is how the deceptive among us act. If you were a Russian spy elected to office you'd spout anti-Russian venom every day to pose yourself as a patriot. Real patriots don't have to pose. Same way with hypocrite Christians. The more they talk God, they more phony you know they are. The innocent don't need to justify their lives.

Living life as if money and power were their saviors, they told their lawyer to find a way to silence the pesky blogger. A very official cease and desist letter was sent. It did not have the intended effect.

I got a notice from a lawyer today to end my blog and wipe it clean or face legal consequences. All I got to say to that is: See you in court, Johnny Cochran! Can't wait to cross examine that bitch. "True or false: are you the Whore of Babylon?" These dummies still think that winning legally means winning in reality. I've got a hundred questions for them. And besides, I would love a trip to San Francisco!

Over their lawyer's objections the couple decided to drop the suit. The point was to gain control not give it. Then they hatched a plan to beat this bastard at his own game: bribery. So an offer of $10,000 was sent to sign an agreement to no longer reference them. "We'll see who's greedy now!"

This notice he kept off his blog, instead replying he would agree - but at a different price: one million dollars. "I'm going to hurt your bank account as well as your greed. How much is peace of mind worth to you? This is my final offer." The pair were outraged, this being too much to swallow. They'd sold their souls for that money and to lose a chunk of it like that was to lose an equal amount of their souls.

Seething, they replied under no circumstances would they pay that amount. The letter they received in return surprised the couple. Their foe stated he would sign the agreement for the new price of one cent. But their own reaction surprised them even more. "No! Not one red cent! I can't do it. The price is too high. Never! Never!"

Knowing this would be their possessed reaction all along, the blogger posted the outcome with much fanfare to be read for the ages.