The Man Who Proved The World Is Flat

Rooting for their own slavery

I remember the huge roaring cheer as the pronouncement was made and I was defeated, despised and alone again, naturally. They carried the justified hero off on their shoulders. Billions around the world had awaited in high anticipation of the verdict, gathering in every town square; watching, listening, waiting. Who would be hero and who would be the fool?

"World is flat! World is flat!" they chanted over and over. I got my answer.

It's not like I didn't see it coming. The tide was turning against me from the very start of the trial. I had a handful of stalwart supporters who also claimed fidelity to the World Is Round truth but as they gauged the rising unpopularity of my position the defections trickled in one by one until I was the last man standing. At one point near the end of the proceedings my opponent mockingly declared, "And I get more sex than you!" The entire courtroom erupted in laughter and cheers, pointing at me in their superior numbers.

I knew then hope was lost, forced to carry out my defense to the end in futile gesture. Nightly analysis spoke of my "poor body language and defeated tone" and how that would not play well with the jury. And even though in the polls a percentage still claimed to be on my side, no one would commit to it publicly. When the cameras showed up they quickly changed their song.

Now when I walk down the street, I'm openly booed and dissed, mothers pull their children away from me in guarded hate, whispers of "That's him!" envelope me like a cloud. In one sense I am that which they prize the most: someone you can openly hate and despise without fear of repercussion. It was like the entire world joined the KKK and I was the last black man alive. Who could I turn to?

Many people claimed to find this picture "exciting!"

I saw my family on TV (paper bags on their heads), saying they knew I'd never amount to anything, that I was rotten since I was a kid and it was just like me to "pull a stunt like this" and get everyone all riled up. I was someone who "always had to be right" and never gave a damn about what anyone else thought or believed. They were glad I got my final comeuppance but doubted I had learned my lesson. "He'll claim the world is round until he's dead! You just wait and see! That stubborn asshole!"

The trial keeps replaying in my mind. In hindsight the entire exercise seems nothing but a foolish gesture on my part. After all, it was the President whom I was debating and he had much better teeth and hair than I did. And, of course, the votes. It's funny but before the trial I had always said, "The truth will out!" but when I opened my statements with that the words sounded so hollow even I began to have my doubts. It went all downhill from there.

In a world that worships technology scientists become its high priests. The President rolled in all his scientists, highly decorated and lauded, each one proving the earth is indeed flat, that I was a mystic heretic espousing philosophy as fact and simply trying to curry favor from special interests for my own personal gain. All I had was one scientist's statement who agreed with me on his deathbed. When I announced he had died before the trial everyone just stared at me as if I had killed him and fabricated his statement. Chilling!

The President has since gone on to a landslide re-election, countries around the world clamoring for him to come visit in triumph. Billboards popped up showing me as "traitor" and enemy to the state. I had tried to ruin the lives of everyone and destroy this great society they had built. The signs were a warning to anyone who might follow in my steps. Even a new version of the Bible was printed substituting my name in place of the devil. It made the best seller list.

The most disconcerting part by far, of course, is listening to everyone talk in their daily life. They speak of people who "sail around the world" or watching movies like "Around the world in 80 days", or even marveling at photos showing the curvature of the earth from space - the exact same photos I used in my trial! I want to grab them by the collar (even did once, which was reported by the papers and proved how "truly wrong" I am) and shake them until they admit they know I'm right. But it's no use.

So this is what it's come down to: the truth is determined by the cult of personality. I had assumed having the truth on my side was all I needed. Even if the biggest asshole in the world says the world is round doesn't make it any less so. Except in politics. The President pointed out if Hitler had said the world was round and the world united against him world war two and the holocaust would have been prevented. Suddenly, I had the blood of six million Jews on my hands.

What now? If I get frustrated or angry the happy victors torment me even further. "You'd be happier if you didn't lie all the time. Like us!" If I quit fighting they say, "See, he knew he was wrong all along. He doesn't even bother to contradict us anymore." Rocks come through my window at night - some even from the police - but if I kill myself it will be claimed to be the ultimate proof I was wrong. Madness. Madness! The whole of the world has traded ears for fears.