God Sends A Message To Tink The Cat!

Tink the cat has been left to die in the street, homeless and soaked by the cold, chilling rain. And us cats hate water! And cold! Cats like warm TVs (Stupid flat screens! Bring back CRTs!), roaring fireplaces and obedient humans fetching us treats while we refuse to be petted. That's the way the world should be, dammits!

But surely there is more to life than this. Cats have meaning! It's people that suck, get rid of them, not us! What good is people if they don't bring us Kibbles N Bits?? And warm blankies too! Bad humans! I spray on your legs and claw your Mercedes! What's a kitty to do?

Then suddenly, out of the sky descending from on high, an angel appeared. Stopping before Tink in a blazing light of glory, she announced to the sound of blaring trumpets, "Greetings, Tink the cat! I bring you something from God!"

"Oh, please let it be warm blankie!"

"No, I bring you a message."

"Better be damm winning powerball numbers. I lose 1268 times in a row!"

"God likes your blog, Tink. Says you a funny cat!"

"God reads my blogs?? Good God!"

"Well, God used to until all the goddam server errors."

"Can't God fix nothins'??"

"God has three special words for you!"

"I luvs you?"

"Oh, no time for that!"

"Keep hope alive?"

"That got all used up by your ex-CEO."

"Life is love?"

"Not in this hell-hole!"

"Geez, you make this hard for kitty! What I do so wrong?"

"Oh, you did nothing wrong, my kitty friend. You were a good and honest worker. You have valiantly restrained from any (fully justified) killing sprees. God sends out love and truth to all good kitties!"

"That what I been saying! I's good kitty! Feches me food and dry me ears!"

"Oh, such things are forbidden! God would never violate your free will."

"Violates! Violates! Me want fresh tuna!"

"No, Tink, just a special word for you and all the precious kitties of this world."

"Ok, me shiverings bad in these cold airs. So what duz God who make oceans with tasty fishes before people even thoughts of, who made all da natures of the world work together ('cept for stupid dogs!), and who know all mystries of da universe even ifs God not tellin', what duz Gods say to poor cold kitty needing his blankies???"

"God says: 'Hey, you're fucked!'"