So I pull into Albertsons with a repressed mind scared out of my wits buck naked in this huge oversized cargo van with giant windows on all sides and I'm right in front of the store with its long wide row of full length plate glass windows but I don't think about that as I get out of the van and run to this hidden spot between a square brick pillar and some vending machines and it's there I stand to go pee but then I realize I can't do that because it will take too long and someone's bound to see my naked ass and just because I think it's OK to be naked I will be crucified by people who believe they will never get into heaven unless they crucify me so it's life and death on all sides as I try to wriggle my way back to the car unseen but to do that I have to go back in front of the plate glass windows where all the shoppers and employees are and I start to wonder if I've been already seen anyway since I decided not to look when I got out of the van because I so badly wanted to believe I could be naked keeping my eyes shut and not facing up to anything so that's when waves and waves of panic and constricting fear strangle and wrangle me paralyzing me in my dilemma to get back inside the van with the huge windows where I might be seen anyway but I find myself telling myself all over again "Don't worry about the windows no one can see you" just like when I left the van but to make things worse on the other side of the pillar is this famous guy who cannot communicate except with his "hand with only three bones in it" which is what the 60 Minutes guy said when he interviewed him as the guy showed him how he has overcome everything to be successful against all odds and here I am who was born with everything and then some standing naked in the Albertsons parking lot dying of shame and I'm thinking it's moments like this why I can't have any friends or lovers and once again I catch myself praying for instant death then there's another famous guy next to the first one who's writing down all these huge numbers interspersed with letters and he claims he's writing the formula for life which I think is all bullshit but he got interviewed on 60 Minutes too and I'm thinking at least well he's famous and can live well and is revered even though he's full of shit and I have to ask myself would I want to be successful even if in reality it wasn't true and I feared I might say yes because anything beats standing naked in front of a busy grocery store needing to pee and sure enough here come some people headed to the front door from the lot trapping me where I am and as I peek through the large store window I see a large red headed woman working in the meat department and I can tell she's a "no nonsense" type of person meaning she never thinks just acts and if she sees me it will be a swift and certain death as she imagines telling all her friends at church how she put down a pervert and saved the world just like Jesus and I realized I was making everyone in the store Jesus as I saw this pair of good ol' boys who would love to capture me and be hero to all the nooky in the store so they could "prove" how moral and hateful they are of naked men so they could get naked later on with the women they hoped to impress and even though my van is only a few cars away it seems like a thousand miles and I can't take it anymore having a heart attack dying naked in the daylight on black asphalt and finally I'm known at last to everyone but only as "the guy who died naked alone outside"
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