A Persecution of Sanity

Oh, God, I pray to You. I ask You to save me but You have not ears. And You are my Final Appeal. Have I wronged You so much more than others for You to ignore me this way? Are my sins so much greater that I must suffer so? You give no answer! And You leave me to myself.

They say the only way to fix things - to keeps things good - is to kill me. That will prove them holy in their eyes. And they believe themselves godly. I can't believe this is happening to me! It's unreal and real at the same time. I get the perfect picture of my fellow man now: persecuters of sanity. They seek to solve their problems through me - through my dying. Hulking monsters spew flaming rhetoric against me, hell's demons posing as men of God - and no one says the Word. 'Burn the witch!' is all they can say. 'Burn the evil witch!'

But if God does not hear me, maybe they are right. Does not my Savior see them stacking the wood like blind, little gnomes in a play? Does He not smell the foul breath of the watchers who clamor for my death like barking seals? Is Justice so blind that the cruel deed of this day can go unchallenged as if it were the dark of night? All ears are deaf no matter how loudly I scream. Monsters rule this world. They're easy to spot. They're the ones who tell you God rules.

Maybe if I had done better with Tim, this wouldn't have happened. I ran away from him like a silly little girl. It seems so long ago now, lifetimes ago. Those feelings I feared to face. Is that what's come to haunt me now? Do they see my sins of failure and thus judge death upon me? Is that what's going on? I can't figure this in my head! There's only one answer I get: it's not me who's the problem.

My time is short now...the animals are sneering at the smell of blood...maybe I should confess unholiness to suck them deeper into their lies...look at the beasts! feeding off my terror, inhaling it, excited by fear...thank you, God, now I shall forsake you too!

"Fuck you! Fuck all you bastard motherfuckers! Lying, fucking pieces of shit! Damn you to hell! Damn you to fucking goddam hell and take this whole shit fucked world with you! Insane! Every single one of you is sheer, fucking insane! What gets into to you people?? How the fuck do you think this is going to make anything better, you moron pieces of shit? So die! Drown in your own goddam poison! The fate you've given me I now curse you with. And all your lives and all your deeds will be meaningless until the end of time! Unless you admit how you wrong me, you will never be free!"