(As translated by biased liberal media)
Shadowed by scandal and facing possible defeat in his re-election bid, creepy former House Majority Leader Tom TheGay backed out with his tail between his legs, ending a 21-year odyssey of hypocrisy and deceit.
TheGay, laughably describing himself as "the most investigated man in Washington," said he - like Jesus - had committed no wrongdoing but chose to run away because people were talking mean about him and that the election was actually turning into a "referendum on me." What the fuck he thought elections were before this, who knows.
"I have many regrets today and much doubt," said TheGay in a chickenshit videotaped address. "I am ashamed of the past, I am at war with the present and I'm dreading my future." He went on to say the true problem was a vast left wing conspiracy.
One bootlicker of TheGay blamed it all on "evil genius Democrats" who effected a highly skilled campaign to restore ethics, thus pressuring TheGay back under his rock. And although publicly praised by fellow criminals of his party, each miscreant privately conceded of TheGay that they were "sick of his shit and smarmy failed smile."
(As translated by biased liberal media)
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