"I can't go living like I am. I can't notgo on living like I am..."
He's in trouble. That was my exact first thought when I heard Hennessy speak his peace. In my extremely loose knit circle of losers, Hennessy stands out because had actual provable talent, a AAA ball player for the Rangers at the time of his demise. Politically, one can't really prosecute him for getting hit by a drunk driver at 2 AM in the morning after partying since it was not his fault and many, many kids at that age do the exact same thing with no consequences whatsoever. Hell, the whole team was celebrating that night. What kind of malcontent would have opted out?
And yet, he told me later a little voice told him not to go out that night. No entity in all of history of creation is as ruthless as the Universe. Make all the plausible excuses you want, but every weakness will be found and exploited without fail. Hennessy was taking the ride where his talent was leading him but committed he was not. I always wondered how that would have played out in the majors.
But the bond in our little circle is bitterness and I seriously doubt Hennessy would adopt my point of view. He just feels cheated out of his chance to escape the drowning drudgery of the world and every day alive after that is a bitter pill he found harder and harder to swallow. It'd been going on for years - always some sort of blow up on his job, always not his fault - so I was not surprised seven months ago when I heard him say that remark while white-knuckling a beer bottle.
"Hell, none of us can," I truthfully replied, but he was inconsolable. Hennessy had gotten more adamant over time that his talent would have flourished in the majors and that gave rise to greater justification for his anger. That rarely ends well.
I didn't know he'd started working at a bank - or I'd been more concerned. "One crap job is same as another," the only teeth-gritted clue he'd provide. Hear, hear, to that! But handling other people's money - money he felt had been denied to him - must to have driven him crazy. Crazy enough, it turns out, to be suspected by police as inside man for an armored car heist. Cops don't like it when you just so happen to hit the armored car when it's got the most cash. Did Hennessy cross the line? Did he give in to his anger? My gut tells me 'Yes'.
Part of me hopes he's innocent, that he takes this scare as a life lesson and lets go of his rage. But if he does, I feel he'd be an exception to the rule.
Look around you. The dam is starting to burst wherever you look. "I can't go on like this. I can't NOT go on like this." Slowly but surely it's seeping in to our consciousness that we don't have a vote on what's real and what isn't, and that attacking the truth-tellers does not alter the truth. So many vain plans made doomed to fail. In the end, of course, it's just a mad scramble for love.
It's a simple formula: lie to yourself, call yourself a victim when things go wrong, but blame your demise on those who don't share your lies. It's getting more brazen and absurd each passing day. We live as slaves in the name of freedom and want the fuck out no matter how well we're bribed or deluded. True freedom is coming, it's just a matter of emerging consciousness. How painful that process is is up to us.
Dr. Annette high-fived her assistant Roberto as she entered the morning office. Her political "Hero Savior Man" (HSM) had just been elected Dear Leader over all the land!
"Now we're going to see some changes for the better! He's a fighter and a truth-teller. That's why they keep trying to take him down: they can't handle the truth!"
"What wrong with these people, Dr. Annette?"
"I don't know, Roberto, but I do. Some people just want to stay in a bubble and hear only what they want to hear. And the minute the truth gets in they melt like a snowflake!"
"Just no living with peoples like that!"
"You're so right! But now there'll be no more fake news. No more being a sucker. No more being victimized."
"Yes, is good, Dr. Annette, ma'am! Muy bueno!"
"You know, Roberto, HSM hates dirty Spics like you. Kind of surprised to see you supporting him."
"Oh, not worry, Dr. Annette. I'm good Spic, hate on myself very much, yes."
"That's the spirit!" encouraged the deluded doctor. "I knew I hired a non-white for a reason - especially when I've no fruit to pick."
HSM was conducting a holy war, removing any and all critics who spoke truly, burning down their houses in scorched earth policy, and when they came to complain he called himself a victim. Dr. Annette gleefully joined in the purge, lighting fires, joyfully disconnecting from reality as she descended into political fantasy. And this was how she intended to save that which she valued above all: her medical practice.
You'd be hard-pressed to find a doctor more dedicated to her calling. Dr. Annette was relentless in her pursuit of new methods of healing, certified in techniques rare in the land. She did not suffer fools. If you came seeking advice only to not heed or listen to the truth she was conveying, she would not waste her time. Live or die, it's up to you to choose life or be a victim. And these same qualities she projected onto HSM, however falsely.
Deborah Hanssen Brown (DHB) was also a doctor. She was young and just starting out, looking to make a name for herself and reap the ensuing rewards in gobbling greed as she opened "Debby's Best Little Clinic In Texas". She too was a supporter of HSM, in the most extreme possible way.
One day she ran across a client of Dr. Annette, a man suffering in ill health, overweight with aching joints. "That woman was mean to me! She said if I keep eating Twinkies and Ding Dongs for dinner every day all sorts of bad things was gonna happen to me. And guess what? They did, damn her!!"
DHB was incensed. "That liberal witch! How could she do that to you? Just imagine spreading fake news like that. Don't you worry, you can eat all the junk food you want and be just fine!"
The man beamed with gratitude. "Thank you, doc! I feel so much better now about my idiocy."
"That's what it's all about! And don't worry. I'll take out that witch denying you your freedom. I'll stop her campaign of terror."
BHB began her wave of terror through every media outlet possible. "Dr. Annette lets space aliens use her clients for experiments! She locks people in cages if they don't do what she says! She makes up fake facts just to cover herself. This woman must be stopped at all costs. She'll get everyone killed!"
Her angry army of junk foodies, lazy lay-abouts, and other self-destructive degenerates vociferously echoed her talking points. But when the media brought in doctors who claimed diet and exercise were essential to good health, DHB cried out in a fit of fury. "See? This is why everyone hates the media: FAKE NEWS! Making people feel bad about themselves. I am a victim persecuted for telling the truth. And remember: if they'll do this to me, they'll do it to you too!"
"Burn the witches!"
Dr. Annette first tried responding with actual health facts but was drowned out by ferocious accusations of betrayal. "She's a free-thinker like we're too afraid to be! She's not one of us!"
She tried feverishly to prove she too was an HSM supporter but it was too late, Dr. Annette branded a liar for life even as she tried to fight back. "DHB is a fraud who harms her clients with malpractice. She burns downs homes and when people call her out for it, calls herself a victim, of all things! She's merely projecting her own incompetence onto others in an effort to save herself from revelation."
DHB immediately set a press conference to soak in the media spotlight. "What a snowflake! She can't handle the truth! Doesn't care about anyone but herself. She's just trying to save her failing practice as everyone comes to me now! The people have spoken! The truth has been voted on."
As DHB's assertions of fact were far more entertaining and self-serving to the public than Dr. Annette's, Dr. Annette watched her practice slowly erode until barely a trickle of clients ventured past her tainted doors. She cried to an absent God for help as no god on earth was left to her. It seemed she was doomed to live out her life a shadow of what she once was.
Verbal, a longtime client who'd never consider anyone else for his doctor, finished his appointment near the end of the day, Dr. Annette confiding her woes to him.
"If a space ship landed outside to take me away, I'd get on it in a heartbeat! Why is it no one values me anymore?"
"You already know. Like the good book says: the truth will set us free - and the truth is always love."
Well, Heaven forgive him! and forgive us all!
Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall:
Some run from brakes of ice, and answer none:
And some condemned for a fault alone.
