Hennessy Finally Cracked

"I can't go living like I am. I can't not go on living like I am..."

He's in trouble. That was my exact first thought when I heard Hennessy speak his peace. In my extremely loose knit circle of losers, Hennessy stands out because had actual provable talent, a AAA ball player for the Rangers at the time of his demise. Politically, one can't really prosecute him for getting hit by a drunk driver at 2 AM in the morning after partying since it was not his fault and many, many kids at that age do the exact same thing with no consequences whatsoever. Hell, the whole team was celebrating that night. What kind of malcontent would have opted out?

And yet, he told me later a little voice told him not to go out that night. No entity in all of history of creation is as ruthless as the Universe. Make all the plausible excuses you want, but every weakness will be found and exploited without fail. Hennessy was taking the ride where his talent was leading him but committed he was not. I always wondered how that would have played out in the majors.

But the bond in our little circle is bitterness and I seriously doubt Hennessy would adopt my point of view. He just feels cheated out of his chance to escape the drowning drudgery of the world and every day alive after that is a bitter pill he found harder and harder to swallow. It'd been going on for years - always some sort of blow up on his job, always not his fault - so I was not surprised seven months ago when I heard him say that remark while white-knuckling a beer bottle.

"Hell, none of us can," I truthfully replied, but he was inconsolable. Hennessy had gotten more adamant over time that his talent would have flourished in the majors and that gave rise to greater justification for his anger. That rarely ends well.

I didn't know he'd started working at a bank - or I'd been more concerned. "One crap job is same as another," the only teeth-gritted clue he'd provide. Hear, hear, to that! But handling other people's money - money he felt had been denied to him - must to have driven him crazy. Crazy enough, it turns out, to be suspected by police as inside man for an armored car heist. Cops don't like it when you just so happen to hit the armored car when it's got the most cash. Did Hennessy cross the line? Did he give in to his anger? My gut tells me 'Yes'.

Part of me hopes he's innocent, that he takes this scare as a life lesson and lets go of his rage. But if he does, I feel he'd be an exception to the rule.

Look around you. The dam is starting to burst wherever you look. "I can't go on like this. I can't NOT go on like this." Slowly but surely it's seeping in to our consciousness that we don't have a vote on what's real and what isn't, and that attacking the truth-tellers does not alter the truth. So many vain plans made doomed to fail. In the end, of course, it's just a mad scramble for love.

It's a simple formula: lie to yourself, call yourself a victim when things go wrong, but blame your demise on those who don't share your lies. It's getting more brazen and absurd each passing day. We live as slaves in the name of freedom and want the fuck out no matter how well we're bribed or deluded. True freedom is coming, it's just a matter of emerging consciousness. How painful that process is is up to us.