Everyone Be So Angry!

Everyone be so angry! Turns on the TVs and nothin' but shoutin' heads yellin and screamin' - and them's just the sports channels! Every the body sayin' they doin' the right thing but if that so then why the world so darn angry?? Things ain't lining up somewhere, I'm thinking, betwixt what folk says they doin' and what they really doin'. More than this boy can figger out.

You don't even have to be doin' nothin' to git your ass yelled at! This guy pulls up in this fancy German car (them's the worst kind!) and starts right in on me like I his bastard child he never had no use for. "You bums are ruining everything. You're getting a free ride on my tail, mate! Get out there and pull your weight, fucker. You're no good to anyone like this!" Then he storms right off. I'm thinking: there's a man what can't make his wife happy. Yup, mens go to pieces when their woman tells them they ain't good for nothin'.

But since I's a secret billionaire I starts livin' the high life and sportin' my own fancy car! But then here I is gettin' out at Hotel Zaza so I can do my drunk partying when all the maids come out yelling at me how I's one percent and I's oppressin' all 99 percents of them and makin' life hell for everybody. Well, dang it, they said I was ruining everything when I was poor too, so which is it?? Boy, folks be angry no matter what you do!

So I had to finds me The Answer to all this when I happens on this giant tent with a man inside sayin' he's got the Answer! Halleluiah! I ask the door man what kind of meetin' this is where they's figgering' everything out an' he says it's a "religious political economic meeting" - which sounds right important to me! 'Bout time I finds some folks takin' stuff serious.

And boy, was there some peeps there! And they was all happy lookin' and talkin' about how they's gonna fix stuff and I swears every person there was like ten times smarter than I ever be! Then the Answer Man tolds them all to shush themselves and they did like some high priest commanding the flock. I was impressed! So many people believin' the same thing! Then Answer Man starts this giant video and I starts to wonderin' who been pullin' my leg.

Starts off with tellin' us there's this big truth been kept from us, biggest truth ever he says! And because of that that's why nothin' been workin'. Not sure what he leadin' to but it sure do make me feel good and I starts feelin' hope inside without him even gettin' to the point. If he'd of stopped right there I'd thought him the greatest man since ever!

But then Answer man goes on to reveal what this Great Truth is and he's sayin' it's all cuz the earth is really flat. And him's sayin' that with a giant globe right there on the stage! Can ya beat that? But no one's pointin' out that round globe not matchin' up to them video pictures that show ships fallin' off the edge which folks around me says they think is "way cool". Like I said, I must be dummest one there cuz it sure seems like they all knew sumpthin' I didn't!

Then they breaks up into different factions decidin' what they think happens when the ships fall off. Does they go into outer space or does they fall to the middle of the earth or does they go into a black hole?? I has to admit, was kinda excitin' listenin' to them speculatin' and coming up with theories I'd never thought of in a million years! Dern, them folks was smart!

But I couldn't help it when all the sudden I starts to feelin' just how dang silly all this is and I starts to laughin'. An' the more I thinks about it the harder I's laughin'! I mean, I knows they's talking 'bout all them Important Issues and stuff but darned if it didn't strike me as the funniest thing I ever did saw! Them faces was so serious but them words was so silly! And since I was feelin' like I was in a church already - well, you know how it is once ya starts laughin' in a church, only gets worse ya try to stop it.

But boy howdy, tweren't nobody laughin' with me. Never seen so many eyeballs at once lookin' direct at me - and they's all angry! So we back to that all over again. They's yellin' at me for bein' "divisive" and sayin' I don't take serious stuff serious and I's got to compromise cuz there's two side to every truth. But I says to them the world can't be both round and flat but that just makes them blow these whistles and in comes them Morality Police.

They's readin' me the Riot Act, charging me with hurtin' folks's feelings - and they sure did look hurt on them faces! - and that I was ruinin' their whole society. I tell ya, folks sure do think I can do lots more than I ever can. Jess me, ruinin' a whole society? That make no sense to me! How can I's be doin' that?

I wasn't gonna stick around to find out. I high tailed outta there an' the next thing I know they got posters up from Homeland Insecurity with my face callin' me a Terror Man! What they doin' that for when they doin' all the terrors? My mind about to bust! It's like ya say hello to someone an' they get all mad and put ya in jail and never know what ya done wrong! Just whose sins they locking me up for? Ain't mine!

Too many angry people for this simple boy. You people got issues! Talkin' about stupid stuff that ain't never gonna fix nothin' and then droppin' the hammer if someone jess say the world is round when they all know it is already! I's thinkin' the only safe place for me is a cave where no one's can find me or blame me for nothin' and I don't gotta figger out all them angry faces everywhere. Sheesh!

Turns out, I can't do a smart thing if I tried. Holin' up in that cave only made 'em madder! I mean, they got plum riled up sayin' I was making "a statement on their society" and basically sayin' there be no livin' wit' them. Well, if the shoe done fit! But if I's so worthless why them carin' so much what I think?? Like I says before, things just ain't linin' up twixt what they say and what they do. Leave this dum bastard alone!

But they jess could'n do that an' they sends Seal Team Six in on me to save their "way of life" and keeps folks "free" and that's how they's gonna fix things. Really? Maybe that's why folks so angry. They ain't do nothin' real to fix nothin'! I tries explainin' that to them boys but they got stones for eyes and lead for ears and not a one of them says he's gonna be "disloyal" and I see all them laser lights pointin' right at me.

So I figger there's no way out and offs myself so folks won't be so angry at me no more since that all I seem to do. But then, as me spirit is risin' in the air and I'm lookin' down below and guess what I see? Them all yellin' at my dead body! Sayin' they be pissed they didn't get the chance to shoot me and how I "deprived them of justice" and what a bad attitude I had leavin' like that. Lordy, what a tuff crowd!

I was watchin' on God TV later how they showed pictures of me and sayin' how now I was dead things was going to be good for ever an' ever and folks was cheerin' in the streets how everythin' was finally fixed. Boy, was them folks happy to be rid of me! But then things didn't line up again. Cuz after that they was twice as angry as they was before, accusin' folks of bein' like me and they needed killin' too and near as I could tell weren't never gonna be no end to it all till all the folks was dead.

I sure did'n know the world was gonna spin itself round what my idiot ass was thinkin' and get all upset to where they gotta kill me but I remembers back to what this one man says that if folks ain't got justice they'll get angered up. But ever'time I ever says that back on earth, that when people stop carin' what I think.