This Boy

Carefree locks split down the sides of his head, he picked up his acoustic guitar in serene anticipation. His chair was not far from hers. He wanted to be able to gaze into her eyes. For years he had scaled the heights of self-expression and these honest moments he now relished as great as any feat he had ever accomplished. He sang to her a tale of two boys:

This boy ran from his heart,

But this boy runs to light from dark;

This boy has nightly screams,

But this boy held fast to his dreams.

This boy cowers in fear,

But this boy holds you near;

This boy is crippled alone,

But this boy has found his home.

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I awoke to that dream scene above this morning. I didn't hear the actual words, just the feeling of them, the openness of them - the opening of a heart. And in the moment, I knew which boy I was.

After reading the (mostly awful) bio on John Lennon a few months ago it bugged me I was not familiar with the Beatle song "This Boy", a song John originally penned as a teenager. It was referenced more than once and he sang it his whole life. Still, I was too preoccupied to ever look it up and just let it fester - as so many things do with me.

I've let me hair grow out a bit lately and that drew a hesitant comment when I was at the Hotel Zaza bar: "Hey, man, anyone ever tell you you look like John Lennon?" He was a kid so I was impressed he even knew what John Lennon looked like as a mid sixties mod-rocker. I think perhaps he was making his own joke at my expense but I hastily assured him Lennon was my favorite singer and any comparison was appreciated. Then I duly walked away.

That's when it all came together: the unfun at the bar, John's open heart and my wondering about that damn song. I don't know why it hit me that dawn but I came to realize it was a song about two boys and that somehow gave me a bit of peace as I had felt repressed by my previous inferences of it. It was truly devastating to realize I was on the wrong side of the song but then I had the thought I'd just had a visit from Johnny boy to clear the air and that made me smile big time.

So first I imagined it, then I dreamt it and now you can hear it: