The Day They Arrested God

God Arrested For Loving Us

When the arrest came, the world rejoiced. The jailors of God marched red-faced with burning hearts. Yes, He may be God, but the good people of the earth knew a sinner when they saw one. The refusal to endorse any religion was enraging enough but when the Almighty refused to bless and join in their criminal enterprises, that proved to be too much for the dear hearts of this planet to bear. Trapped in a cage for all to see, a perpetual stream of mockers paraded past in triumph (though God never spoke a word):

The Angry White Male: "You done fucked up, boy! You might be some sort of big shot up there but down here we're in charge. You better get with program if ya wanna get out of that cage. We ain't lettin' you out just so's you can go around and wreck everything we done built! You outta your goddam mind? I don't wanna hear no crap like there ain't no point livin' if ya gotta live like a criminal. Cuz ain't nobody livin' here otherwise!"

Proclaimed Pillar of the Community: "I can see now why you insist on coddling and extolling the criminal, revealing yourself as destroyer of the god-fearing blackmail on which our society is based. We do not merely make copies of hearts when we build prisons. We institute them to keep order and to preserve all we deem good. Those who violate that trust must be punished severely and you, sir, have done exactly that. If you would adopt our values you would not suffer!"

The Sour Slave, who sold his life: "Do you see what it's like to live at the mercy of these monsters? DO SOMETHING, goddamit! Does your letting them get away with this mean they are right? Or is making us live at the mercy of one another supposed to teach us responsibility? One thing you never thought of: What if nobody learns?"

The Horny Spinster: "Oh my God, he has a boner! I can't believe this! That's so disgusting! Even god is just a dog."

Hearing this news, many Teenage Mutant Boys clawed their way to the front. "Beat it motherfucker! See what it feels like!" "Try a little self-abuse and see how much fun that is." "Yeah, go ahead, rape yourself. Got no choice now!" "More than one kind of prison isn't there?"


The Unjust Judge: "Justice? Don't complain to me about justice! Justice is whatever we say should happen to you. So I don't want to hear one damn word out of you! And if I do you'll have to live ALL my hell!"

The Trapped Toiler: "Where's your job, dude? You need a fucking job. No one's got the right to live without a fucking job. Do you understand me? No one! So memorize this phone book and pretend like it means something if you plan on eating. And if you don't feel like it or if you gotta be all fulfilled and crap let me set you straight: There's no bigger crime on the face of the earth than wanting to live. Got that? Good! Now die so that you may live."

The Holy Hypocrite: "Do you know how to tell the good man from the bad man? The bad man is in jail. You're in there for a reason, sir. Perhaps it can be said even god needs to learn a lesson at some point in time. I will certainly pray that you do come to your senses and realize you brought this all on yourself. My ability to stand out here and chastise you stems from the fact I have holiness while you basically walk around treating people like a pretentious prick. No wonder you're not speaking anymore. Best to keep your mouth shut."

But no no one hated God like the Person Possessed: "It's just live life your way or go off and fucking die, isn't it? There's just no possibility anybody else could be right or that somehow you don't know every goddam thing there is to know. Just no other fucking way, IS THERE - YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! God, I wish I could kill you! Everybody just has to have your precious shit-ass money or they can watch their child die in their arms!! I HATE YOU! Do you fucking hear me?? I hate you and I'm going to keep on hating you until the end of time. Just when is it we get to hurt you like you hurt us? When does love start?"


(Somewhere a homeless man laughed: "The monsters are showing their true colors now!")