All The President's People

Dr. Annette Barnings was scrupulous in her professional conduct, courteous and concerned about her patients, dedicated to her craft, always learning the latest techniques and methods. She was no-nonsense in her approach. If you didn't take your health seriously, she would ask you if your intent was to live or die. She wasn't going to waste her time on those who weren't going to do what it takes to keep their health. If you're just going to keep eating Twinkies all day, that she could not subsidize.

With her focus on her craft, news came to her only in the corner of her eye. The world is in chaos. America is in decline. The same ol', same ol' just wasn't cutting it. What we needed was change, an altering of our course. Too many freeloaders taking down the system. Other countries are taking advantage of us. If things keep going the way they are, we'll be sunk. These points rang true with her and many internet entities were more than happy to provide "facts" to back those viewpoints up.

So she very enthusiastically voted for the buffoon Trump.

Government is the enemy of the people. Corporations have rigged the game. Immigrants have taken advantage of our good nature. At last we have a savvy businessman beholden to no one! He'll destroy those choking regulations. He'll unleash the free market to bring back true competition. And America will no longer be played for suckers around the world. Give 'em hell, Donny! "And I just love hearing those loser liberals whine!"

But only a few months after the election, a funny thing happened on the way to paradise. "Bobby Jo's Best Chiropractic House In Texas" opened up across the street. Dr. Annette was not too concerned at the competition but her curiosity was certainly piqued. When she met her neighbor she found a very young, buoyant girl - and also a fellow Trumpista.

"Things are changing and we're finally going to set things right! President Trump is a savior who's going to pull us out of the mess. Nobody else is willing to do it!"

Dr. Annette was surprised by her own reaction. By rights she should be wholeheartedly agreeing and joining in the girl's enthusiasm. But she hesitated. Upon hearing this Trumpian supporter, something didn't sound right. The girl continued.

"Too many people are living in dream worlds, living a lie. We need a realist in charge. He's going to say things people don't like but that's just tough. We finally have someone who will fight for us instead of letting us be walked all over. If we don't there will be nothing left of America. People who don't understand that don't understand the world and don't understand life."

A horrible thought entered Dr. Annette's mind. Is this how I sound to others? Like a simple child? It scared her so much she had to immediately push it aside before her whole world caved in.

She could run, but she could not hide.

Complaints about Bobby Jo's practice didn't take long to come streaming over to Dr. Annette who then had to fix the maiming they'd received by the girl's inept hands. She stormed across the street to demand an explanation.

"Just exactly where did you learn to be a chiropractor?"

"Feeling the pressure of competition, eh? I'm way cheaper than you. Welcome to the free market!"

"This isn't some game! We're talking about the well-being of people's lives! You have to think of someone else's welfare other than your own."

"Bullcrap. I am completely certified. I passed an online course lasting a whole week!"

"That doesn't qualify you to be practicing on patients! It takes years to earn a valid degree. You can't just set up shop somewhere and start calling yourself a practitioner."

"My degree is perfectly valid. We got rid of those old stupid government regulations that clog everything up and slow us down. Thank you, Mr. President!"

"You can't get rid of those regulations. That's total insanity!"

"Sounds like you're just being selfish and self-serving to me. Sorry I had to pop that bubble you are living in."

"Look, if you want to be in this business you need to be a doctor, that's a plain and simple fact. There's no other responsible way."

"That's a fake fact! I won't let you destroy American businesses."

"I can't believe my ears! Listen, honey, you won't be in business long, trust me on that."

"You sound just like one of those loser liberals. Get used to it. It's over! We won!"

Dr. Annette fumed her way back to her office, two sides of her in dire opposition. Government is the enemy but here I am on its side! We're supposed to be fighting to protect our interests now but that's supposed to make lives better not worse. Why is everything the opposite of how I thought it would be??

The infuriating smugness of Bobby Jo was in tune with the ill-tempered times. Enemies are everywhere! They must be defeated. And it became very clear to Bobby Jo just who the enemy of her success was: Dr. Annette. But not only was she the enemy, but so is competence and all other forms of responsibility. Whatever brings in money is good. Whatever threatens it is bad. Life really is a simple formula.

Bobby Jo started a campaign for the Doctor Responsibility Act, which cited a need for anyone with a doctorate degree to work only in hospitals. "Otherwise just anyone could set up shop somewhere and how would we know they're a real doctor? We must think of people's welfare!" As part of this she also revoked a chiropractic patient's right to sue. "Those damn liberal trial lawyers must be stopped!"

Her angry fellow constituents agreed. "I always knew my doctor was screwing me! About time somebody did something! And those trial lawyers just jack up the costs we all have to pay for while they get rich!"

While riling up voters, Bobby Jo colluded with her Texas tea party Senator, both making many impassioned speeches on the need to serve the greater good. She also spread rumors that Dr. Annette is "really a liberal!" And in these ways she drove Dr. Annette out of business "using our great free market system."

"She outsmarted you. She's more willing to admit that people are dishonest than you are, Annette. The only free market that counts is the one where our congressmen are bought and sold. Everyone's angry about getting screwed but we're only doing it to ourselves."

Dr. Annette was talking to her one liberal friend, trying to make sense of her demise. "I just don't understand. Why don't people choose to protect their interests?? Having that insane girl work on their bodies is suicide! I know one man who was particularly vocal in backing her actually ended up in a wheelchair because of her handiwork and he can't even sue. I just can't believe people are like that!"

"Believe it. Didn't you believe you were serving your best interests when you put that Senator in place who helped her screw you? Weren't you railing against the corporate takeover of America while at the same time putting a businessman in charge? What did you think was going to happen? Equality and social justice? Maybe you need to wake up and realize what's in your best interests just like you say the patients of that girl need to. This is not a joke or a game."