Saturday, July 02, 2016

Interrogation Unheard

It was louder in Heaven than on earth.

In the spotlight at last

Killer: I had to do it...I just had to. It's obvious. Why can't you smart guys see that?

Psychiatrist 1: Sorry. No, we don't understand. Why did you have to kill her?

Killer: To keep her silent. She was going to tell.

Psychiatrist 1: Tell what?

Killer: About me, you idiot. What do you think?

Psychiatrist 1: And what would she have told?

Killer: About my...failing. I'm a failure. Can't let anyone know you're a failure.

Psychiatrist 2: Everyone fails. Why can't yours be known?

Killer: Because! This is different. It' failure. Complete, total. You really can't tell the difference?

Psychiatrist 2: We're trying to now. So what would have happened had she told?

Killer: The end! End of everything! Damn, you guys are blind.

Psychiatrist 2: We don't understand how she could have said anything that needed her to die.

Killer: Then you're a moron. Just a matter of time. She'd of told and the whole world would of known. What about me, then? Whole world turns on me. You think that's a life? You can't be...

Psychiatrist 1: Everyone needs support. That's very understandable. So you had to kill her to keep her silent. Do you think the world is against you now?

Killer: No. Now you know. I was dead without her. Nobody would listen. I killed her because I was dead. Now you understand.

Psychiatrist 1: Because you needed her?

Killer: Because I need her.

Psychiatrist 1: But why now? What after all these years?

Killer: I ran out...I ran out of places to go...I ran out of time. I saw this movie and the guy kept asking the other, "What did you get? What did you get?" Turns out this other guy had done all his shit for nothin'. Everything he was doing...was for nothing.

Psychiatrist 2: So it came to you your life seemed pointless?

Killer: Exactly. Why would anyone think it anything else? Every day the same. Just black and alone, waiting on the nightmares that never leave or stop. Unwanted and unwantable. You goddam idiots want to live like that, go ahead. Don't ask me to keep doing it.

Psychiatrist 1: But you hadn't seen her in years. Since before you joined the army, correct?

Killer: She never left me head. It was always her. I joined to get away from her but it only made things worse.

Psychiatrist 2: But you wanted to be with her. So why leave?

Killer: I told you! I failed, OK? I fucking failed! Make you goddam happy to hear it?

Psychiatrist 1: But after your deployment in the Middle East was over, you didn't try to contact or see her then?

Killer: What for? Why would she have anything to do with me? I wasn't any better. I just wanted keep runnin'. I thought...I don't know what I thought.

Psychiatrist 2: Can you tell us about your experience during your deployment?

Killer: They tell you you can be a hero. But I was far away. I saw I got to kill people and make their lives miserable like mine. When I heard their screams it was like they was my screams. It felt good. Some of the guys couldn't take it. Jennings and Smithers offed themselves when they got back. Those screams haunted them. None of you fuckers would listen to them, either.

Psychiatrist 2: Listen to what? What was unheard?

Killer: Their pain.

Psychiatrist 1: And you had that pain too?

Killer: Not their pain. My pain. No one cares about your pain unless you do like I did and kill someone they don't want killed. You people are something, always keeping a blind eye. You call us heroes because you hate us. You just want to keep using us and you're afraid we'll wake up and stop killin' for ya. Well, maybe it's you who should wake up.

Psychiatrist 2: Wake up to what?

Killer: I wasn't killin' for my "cuntry". I was just killin' to kill. One day we're going to kill you too. That's right. Right in your own fancy homes and green streets where kids get to play. Places I couldn't go no more.

Psychiatrist 1: Who said? Who said you can't go to those places?

Killer: My insides. When I got back I got swallowed up. You really think I give a fuck about some goddam job stocking shelves after what I'd seen? What the fuck is wrong with you people? You act like you're doing everyone a fucking favor. "Give a veteran a job" bullshit. Just crap to make you feel good about using us. That's what your problem is. All you people that got it made think you're Jesus and can do no wrong. Well, you're doin' wrong. You're doing plenty wrong. I know lots about doing wrong.

Psychiatrist 2: Like what? What do you see that's wrong?

Killer: Don't ask me something you can ask yourself.

Psychiatrist 1: What could we have done to help you?

Killer: You only pretend to care when it's too late. Fuck off.

Psychiatrist 2: It was the fourth of July. There was a backyard BBQ. You felt left out, banned from the neighborhood and from her life. You wanted back in but couldn't see how. At that point, killing her seemed your only option. In order to retain hope of eventual acceptance you had to silence her regarding your previous behavior. Is that correct?

Killer: Nope. If I'd had hope I wouldn't have killed her.

Psychiatrist 1: Could please then in your own words tell us why shot Mrs. Wright?

Killer: I was bored.


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