Saturday, February 02, 2013

My Dress Blues

"God never loved me."

Order. Discipline. Purpose. These were principles Major Kendrick lived behind. And died behind. A thousand million thoughts breeched his mind's defenses as he retreated once more into the familiar safety of securely buttoning his dress blue uniform in proper fashion.

It was on maneuvers, staring into a forest of scraggly forlorn trees, when he first felt it: that lost, drowning feeling of finding no earth beneath your feet, the world an illusion. But he "carried on". "Follow orders! Follow orders!" Kendrick desperately beseeched himself. Every man must place his faith somewhere. Was it fool's gold he'd purchased?

In these final few moments the answer was painfully clear: Yes.

"Ordinary". Kendrick never used that word, fearing it more than any mortal enemy. Escaping from the hell of being ordinary his life's one goal. He couldn't sing or dance or woo the ladies in dashing valor, play sports or deliver bon mots with rapier wit. This ordinary boy could only marvel at the gifts of others as he shriveled ever smaller inside.

Order. Discipline. Purpose. Where would he find these treasures in his useless life?

Maybe he really should have let love in the door. But these dress blues radiate so wonderfully! A special uniform worn for special occasions by special people - "Special" being the word Major Kendrick loved most. But his secret plan to live long enough to be thought of as special and die before anyone found out differently had exploded in his face, denying him final victory.

For in his life - as in all lives - happened an Incident, a time of revealing truth.



Kendrick straightened himself in the mirror. What a sharp dressed man! Even now, knowing the illusion of it, his eyes followed the precise creases, inhaled the deep richness of the color and marveled at the impressive figure he cut. How intoxicating still this glorious image! For that he would gladly die. But for nothing would he go on living.

The Incident had drudged up every little boy nightmare he'd failed to conquer. Oh God, had he really made no progress his entire life? The spotlight of truth was shining its way to him; time to jump ship. Kendrick deemed there could be no life after truth. Bullets of men he could face - had to face - bullets of truth posed a danger beyond reckoning. Would they think him a suicide coward even with his braving hot lead in combat?

Order. Discipline. Purpose. Where were they now as he was about to chuck his life overboard?

The religion for which he fought of Kendrick's carefully calculated life abandoned him. All the congratulations for his blind obedience rang hollow in the echoes of his memory. The sanctioning of the mission by other angry, lost men meant nothing to the Laws of Heaven: there was no "greater good". Major Thomas L. Kendrick realized too late to which true superior to give his blind obedience. Because he refused to stand up, refused to risk his career, refused to show his "ordinary" feelings - innocents had died. A Court of Inquiry demanded to know why. He'd have to swear before a God who already knew the truth.

"That's great news, Tommy!" Telling his father of his decision to join the Marines had been the one high point of Kendrick's life. At last, he had something special to point toward. Didn't they understand he could never risk that? But in hearing the screams and wails in the aftermath of the Incident, Kendrick's pathetic existence could be hidden no more. Could it have been any other way?

The red stain bled into the pristine uniform lie, first turning purple, then into a dark muddled brown. "Respect this uniform, motherfuckers!"

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Chris Kyle, a former Navy SEAL and author of the best-selling book American Sniper, and a second person were shot and killed Saturday at a gun range in Erath County, U.S. Marshals said.

Late Saturday, Lancaster police arrested a man who they say matched the description of a man wanted in connection with the slayings. After a brief chase, officers arrested 25-year-old Eddie Ray Routh. WFAA-TV (Channel 8) reported that Kyle was shot point-blank while helping another soldier who is recovering from post traumatic stress syndrome. The suspect was believed to be highly trained with military experience. The shooting location is 53 miles southwest of Fort Worth.

Kyle grew up in Texas and spent much of his time riding horses and participating on the school rodeo team. His life quickly changed when he decided to go into the military and became a Navy SEAL. He deployed four times to Iraq. Kyle held the record for number of kills by an American sniper. The Pentagon has confirmed more than 150 of his kills. The previous record was 109. For his service, Kyle was awarded two Silver Stars and five Bronze Stars with Valor. His autobiography, American Sniper, was released last year.

“It is so hard becoming a civilian. When you are in the military, everything you do is for the greater good. And as a civilian, everything you do is for your own good. When you’re in the military, you are facing life and death every day. And then you come home and hear people who are unhappy about the little things. And you think, are you kidding me? Two weeks ago, I was shot. And this is your problem. …They train us how to become warriors, but then they don’t teach us and train us how to become businessmen.”


There are those who say the word rape is "diminished" when referred to anything other than a physical violation. It's time we put an end to such sanctimonious garbage and face the fact we rape our members of the military with each and every arbritary assasination, misguided mission and commercial killing. When will the madness end?


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