Mouth open and ready to serve!
"And Ye Shall Know the Truth and the Truth Shall Make You Free"
That quote is carved in the front lobby of the CIA in probably the most misplaced spot outside of the KGB. Oh, I understand all about lying to get to a greater truth, or to protect the greater good. But those instances are very rare and about as ludicrous as all the "CIA trained assassin" supermen we see in the movies - and let's face it, most of our notions of national security are based on such fantasies.
But who am I to doubt the wisdom of an organization tagged with defending us? These are men for the truth! So I was wholly dismayed to find out a man nominated by our President-Messiah did, in fact, "not know what the truth is".
On the question of waterboarding, Brennan said that while serving as a deputy manager at the CIA during the Bush administration, he was told such interrogation methods produced "valuable information." Now, after reading a 300-page summary of a 6,000-page report on CIA interrogation and detention policies, he said he does "not know what the truth is."
What? Say it ain't so! I for one am not believing it! Roaming nowadays both in the streets and in halls of power are too many souls claiming to be unaware of the truth. These troglodytes say such things as, "The truth is unknown! No one can know the truth! There is no such thing as truth!" But never could such a godless and lowly man be selected by our President-Messiah! So, Mr. Harry went to Washington, home of the truth-seekers and truth-speakers, to find out.
"Open your mouth and close your eyes and you will get a big surprise." I'll admit that line hasn't worked since 11th grade but then so few ever mentally leave high school. Sir John attempted a protest.
"I shall not do such a thing! My mouth is for other uses!"
Dear Lord, what a tempting line of questioning that opens up! Shame I don't have time to go down that path. "Do it! And do it now! Your government demands it and I say this with authority!"
"I'm a good boy! I do not defy authority! Want me to say "ahh" too?"
My my, somebody didn't get laid in high school. Gawd, hope he doesn't goad me into pity. Anyways, bombs away!
"Mbnmlpbm!"
"Yes, yes I know. Hard to talk with a dick in your mouth. But try harder, your country and President-Messiah demand it - and watch the teeth!"
"Yesm, sir!"
"Now I ask you: do you have a dick in your mouth or not?"
"Yesm, I do!"
"Liar! Admit you do not know if you have a dick in your mouth or not! It may be a cucumber or link sausage perhaps."
"Good points! I do wish to remain open-minded." (And open-mouthed!)
"What if I were to tell you I have special secret knowledge that only I can know. So how then could you ever definitively state there is, in fact, an actual dick in your mouth?
"I'm just saying it's a possibility, sir."
Plenty of other nominees to take your place, John Boy!
"Just don't go too far. I have here reports for you to read unequivocally stating that not now nor ever has there been a dick in your mouth!"
"Boy, I sure am glad to hear that! It is my personal position that I would be dismayed to find a dick in my mouth."
"Lucky you, you have these well-researched findings to prevent such dismay. But surely I hope you don't think there's anything wrong with the unwilling penile penetration of your mouth!"
"I am a man of principle, sir. I do feel I must stand my ground regardless of what it may cost me and I say never should there be unwilling penile penetration in any case whatsoever. On that I would stake my life!"
"That's quite an impassioned speech for a man with his mouth so full. But I want you to meet Freddy. Freddy has been to - gasp! - LAW SCHOOL and therefore knows how to determine RIGHT AND WRONG for everyone to live by! Impressive, eh? Freddy, read to him what you just WROTE ON A PIECE OF PAPER!"
"I, Freddy, hereby declare forthwith any and all willing or unwilling penile penetration is to be considered duly authorized and sanctioned Law Of The Land in the name of national security and personal horniness."
"Hear that, John Boy? It's actually legal! What do you say now to nonstop dicks in your mouth??"
"Oh, OK."
"But some people have told me you have a problem taking the truth and might let it leak."
"I vehemently deny that!"
"Good, because the last word I have to say to you is: swallow!"
Funny people, these non-truthers! Not much good for anything in a practical sense but sure are handy for a quickie BJ!
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