Random Thoughtlessness

God says to follow love - but does not fund it. We are expected to give our all in that pursuit - yet get nothing to survive in return.

I'll be damned, God is a Republican after all.

How does a dishonorable person sit at a table of honorable people and not be Judas? Both leaving and staying seem a betrayal. My outlaw ways have done me in. But in their eyes I see they assumed better of me.

Fuck, I'm fucked.

Outside, they love me for my lies and hate me for my truths. Inside, I hate me for my lies and love me for my truths. But in the end, my dick is killing me.

All wars are just extensions of men's dicks killing them.

I met this woman who bar hops for sex in secret from her relatives. She seduces ex-Mossad agents with her long, luscious legs but has creeping doubts on her ability to decide who to marry. She will wholly dedicate herself to her family when the time comes. But does she know she must dedicate herself to her own life first to be the mother she wishes to be? Power in all forms corrupts.

A sniper guy told me of his taking out an NVA general in a secret (i.e. illegal) mission in Cambodia. He said eight maybe ten guys in the world could have made that shot. High winds separate the best from the merely great, he explained. I think when he shot his rifle it was the only time he felt alive: when taking lives and above the law. He held up his empty glass and looked at me through the distorting curves. The sniper had no interest in reality unfiltered. Maybe he feared to find he'd killed for no reason.

I saw the President take a dump on the White House lawn right in front of God and everybody. This happened on my way to church to buy a big screen TV. He asked the reporters following him if his shit stunk (and if they wanted to be at the next White House briefing). Headlines the next day blared, "President's shit does not stink!" This was considered a great political victory for him. Several supporters swore his shit smelled like sweet flowers - thinking that clever! His detractors said his whole body stinks like shit - thinking that clever! The debate rages on but no one knows why.

The rest of us live with the reality of the stinky shit.

After listening to the bar-hopping sex lady, I told her how I like to masturbate to the fantasy of being Britney Spear's hot tub sex slave with her gorgeous foot pushing down on my head. She stopped talking to me after that. She thought I would be blind to her reaction. What happens if she finds out I was not?

This aging slut walks by, 45 going on 25. Her low cut jeans reveal forming age spots but she's nervously oblivious to it (and takes drugs for that). If she can just lie to herself one more day, that's all she asks. I overhear her talking to a friend. "A husband is the LAST thing I want! Never again!" I think she will be very lonely in the nursing home.

I've been making movies on the computer. But when I'd play the finished product they'd start stuttering near the end. I was like, "Fuck! Damn! Shit! Hell! All this goddam work and the file is corrupt! Motherfucker!" Panicked, I replicated it in another format. Same fucking thing! I'm pulling my hair out, not understanding why it runs fine in preview but the final result craps out. I spend precious cash looking for better editing software. Same fucking thing! I got no way to troubleshoot this shit. God and his sniper rifle tag me once again.

Though wounded, I fought on. Finally I find out the PC software that plays movies is what's crappy, not the actual movie file itself. Runs just fine on YouTube. So there are two lessons here: 1. Don't always believe God is out to get you and 2. Life is a mind fuck.