Tuesday, January 13, 2009

So Lord, Won't You Buy Me A Lexus SUV?

[This is my entry for an essay contest sponsored by Lexus at Open Salon (They refused to let Lexus see it)]
I see this is some sort of oh-fish-ill contest so I'll guess I'll have lay off the dirty words like shit, fuck and Republicunt. Just let me spit out my cigarette, tuck in me shirt and straighten me back so I can writes me a proper essay out here on the sidewalk! There, that's better. Now all I have to do is figure out what the fuck heck a "sustainability issue" is. For me, it's how long can I sustain this 40 oz bottle before I have to hike down to the 7-11 for another. I can tell you one thing though, I sure would be sustained a whole lot better if I made that trip in a Lexus!

Hey Lexus, how many aluminum cans does it take to make a car payment? I wonder if they'll accept the Homeless Alternative Financing Plan??

Ah well, I guess I better get my mind off carjacking and on to figgering what is The Top Priority For The Country! (Li'l ol' me gonna do all that!) Believe it or not, there's actually lots of talk in the day labor queue about what all needs to be done. Most think Obama is just as full of shit bull as the rest of 'em only Obama don't even know it! But most of the ideas I hear ain't exactly in the vein of Kennedy's "What can you do for your country?" It's more like, "Oh, hell, we're going down the toilet, grab what you can." I know that's where my money is.

But it seems to me right obvious what we ought to do. I mean, it scares me ya even gotta ask! When you go off half-cocked and shoot the neighbor's kid dead just 'cause ya want what he's got inside his house, well Lord a-Mighty, I think ya oughts to at least make an apology. Tell your neighbor you's sorry and how some evil voice lead you astray and you been half outta your mind and you don't know what got in ya but you for sure won't let it happen again and you'll work the rest of your life to heal your neighbor's abode. Is that not the decent thing to do after a resource war?

I guess no one takes the Good Book serious. I mean, if ya don't got your head right with ball, don't matter how much ya worth cuz you gonna screw it up come crunch time. But most folks think diff'rent. They think we can fool the Big Guy in the sky if we makes up lies like saying the neighbor had a gun and was gonna shoot us - or that maybe the neighbor didn't have no right to live at all! I didn't know we was that smart. Yup, the Good Book says to come clean but all I hear is how we oughtta do it again which I guess is our way of sayin' we done nothing wrong the first time. Actually - now I think about it - what I hears most is silence.

I know I's dumb and ornery and my main hankering in life is to crawl into my next bottle of beer, so I guess that's why I'm so outta step with you folks in your fine homes and fine cars. I mean, you got all the stuff so you must be way smarter than me. Seems ever'one but me thinks you can break faith with the truth and still have a future. Oh heck, what do I know - a guy passing by in a fancy SUV just shot me the bird (fyi, it was an Acura). And I had me shirt tucked in and everything.

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