Sunday, January 04, 2009

The Sinking of the S.S. Capitalism

The glorious ship was sinking. Blindly sneering at all obstacles, it hit an iceberg and - they said - was mortally wounded. The riders had had the good life on board (at least those not toiling in the furnaces below) but now it was time to head to the life boats for waters uncharted. But still there were Believers who stayed onboard, unwilling to give up their faith in the easy life. Silly Sally - later to be called Savior Sally - knelt in prayer.

"Dear God, Heavenly Father, I know I've done wrong and not lived as I should. I stood silent on the suffering of others but protested mightily the slightest inconvenience of my own. My direction has been guided by sheer selfishness and I ignored my self-interest of serving the greater good. I've kept my eyes closed and pretended that which I could not see is the same as that which cannot be. And that brought ruin to us all - but I know by admitting my weaknesses that makes them OK.

"There are those who learn only by pain, no matter how much truth is spoken or love is shown they cannot see the error of their ways until disaster strikes. Our pride blinded us, making us unable to see the doom coming our way. But this is a good ship, my Lord, a mighty ship that has done good in the world and deserves to live. The realities of Nature are sinking us now, but I know my Heavenly Father is a mighty power and can do anything He wants. So I'm asking now for this ship to be saved, to prove to all the world of our righteousness and most of all, to show Your glory and unquestionable magnificence so that every soul may worship and serve only You. God bless Capitalism."

In what was surely an answer from God, the huge beast of a ship began to right itself and return to an even keel. Sally, wide-eyed in wonder, rose slowly in amazement, not daring to believe her senses. "It's happening," she whispered. "I'm the new Moses. Only the truly saved are allowed to be evil!" The next move for this instrument of God was to scourge all the non-believers. Sally's narrow-slitted eyes burned with vengeance as she surveyed the luxury deck for The Undeserved.

"You there, Prophet Man! You're the one who caused all this! Off with your head!" A small army of fellow Boat Believers followed Sally, eager do her bidding. (After all, who could deny the miracle she enabled?) As for the Prophet Man, long had he been a thorn in the side of the Boat Worshippers who cared only to hear good tidings of their maritime methods. Quelling the heretic's voice would be sweet justice.

The Prophet Man protested his innocence. "Life is love. You brought this on yourself. You wish to save nothing but your lies, Silly Sally."

"Your voice of poison shall speak no more. God only knows how many lives you've ruined by tricking them into the life boats and shattering their good life. I condemn you in the name of God!"

As they arrested the prophet, Savior Sally smiled to the Lard couple, a.k.a. "good people". She stopped to assure them as they enjoyed the inertia of never moving from their lounge chairs.

"It's all a lie! Everything is fine and we've done no wrong! It's those who are leaving that are wrong!"

"Thank you, honey" said Mrs. Lard, patting Sally's hand. "You're a dear soul to tell us what we want to hear."

Savior Sally basked in the glow of enlightenment when she spotted another malcontent. "There's that homeless stowaway that's been badmouthing us on his blog! Grab him!"

The Malcontent was resistant. "Just hold on a minute, OK lady? I need to get this final posting uploaded before the friggin' ship sinks. Man, this self-editing is a bitch!"

"I'm not waiting for that! Throw him overboard! Let him blog while he's dying," she dryly commanded.

"What is it you think I've been doing?" spat the ungrateful Malcontent on his way over the railing.

But not all were convinced Sally could save them. An angry mob of Sheeple burst through, demanding to know the truth. "Is this boat sinking or not? Our hearts tell us it is but we need an authority figure to know what to believe!"

No man captained the Great Ship without also being bound to praise it - least ways no one after the passengers murdered captains who failed to flatter them. So Sally called down the current captain, Strutting Monkey, who stepped onto the scene singing and dancing with the confidence of delusions untouched.

"Liars and icebergs and traitors, oh my!
"Do as I say or all will die!
"Savior Sally stands true blue!
"God loves me - but not so much you!"

The Sheeple were shocked and awed by the authority with which the monkey spoke. The Prophet Man was outraged. "You're an incompetent fool! We must take responsibility to save ourselves!!" But the disparaging of their monkey leader made the Sheeple feel bad and frown.

The Strutting Monkey saw only his safe perch on high. "Competence is for wussies and responsibility's for losers. Since you're a loser, I make you responsible." With that proclamation, the Sheeple threw the Prophet Man overboard (who swam to a life boat) and rejoiced in their victory over liars. Each one vowed a righteous pledge: "We won't get fooled again!"

And indeed they were not - for a second chance never came. The righting of the ship was merely an air bubble working its way forward and after it passed the ship sank so quickly no soul could escape.

No comments: