Thursday, January 29, 2009

Paddling The Jobless

"The truth should never be taken for an insult." - Asian proverb
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"Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV,"
"And you think you're so clever and classless and free,"
"But you're still fucking slaves as far as I can see."

- John Lennon, Working Class Hero


The line into the detention center snaked for miles.

"Get them in here - get them in here now! That's right you worthless worms, feel the sting of my righteous paddle! I'm going to tan your little hineys and you're going to like it! Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir! Thank you, sir!"

"Do you know what I am? I'm rich! That means I matter and you unemployed eunuchs do not! Tell me what it is you contribute, sponging off the hard work of others, breathing your unearned air - you're totally useless! You losers are fucking things up for everyone else!"

"Yes, sir! We know, sir!"

"Excellent, do as I the rich man say or you'll never amount to anything! You there - the cute one! I shall spank you first and excite my little weenie! Now bare your buttocks!"


"Oh, that was most satisfying! I hope you learned my lesson, young lady! Who's next? I want to find a really big loser...ah, the father with four children - excellent! You shall answer my questions as you assume the most submissive of positions! First, tell me why you're shit!"

"I have no job, sir!"

"And that means you don't deserve to eat, right?"

"Yes, sir!"

"And your expendable offspring deserve no food, either. Right?"

"That is correct, sir!"

"Exactly! And none of your feculent family deserves to live indoors!"

"Not a one, sir! They all depend on me, sir!"

"And who are you?"

"I'm a worthless soul, sir! Thank you for belittling me!"

"Oh, how my avarice loves to hear that! Did you not see the Good People toiling at two and three jobs on your way here? They work from sunup to sundown with never a hope to their future or their health. They will die with nothing because I was meant to have everything. These are what I call Good Citizens. Don't you wish you could be them - or better yet, me?"


"Yes, sir, I want to be you, sir. My life has no meaning if yours has no meaning, sir!"

"Excellent answer! At least you and your miserable lot will die right. Now get out to the street where you belong!"

"Thank you for letting me die, sir!"

Outside, eager investigative reporters (eager to keep their jobs, that is) swarmed onto those thrown into the cold, wintry weather. A breathless girl with camera in tow tackled the ejected father with four children.

"Sir, sir! Are you angry that you live on the street now?"

"Oh, yes, we're angry! Damn right, we're angry! I'm fucking angry!"

"Well, what do you plan to do about it?"

"Die, like a good citizen should. Please understand, we don't want to change anything! That would be selfish and self-serving of us to ask that and me and my daughters is good people, you can count on that! We'll always have my pride." His dirty-faced children nodded in defiant agreement.

"But, sir, we really need a scandal if we're going to sell papers. Isn't the rich man who victimized you the source of all our problems?"

"Oh, hell no! I'd do the same thing too if I could, yes ma'am I surely would."

"But he forced you to bend over and be paddled!"

"Whadda you mean, "forced"? We all volunteered for that so we could show how much we want to keep everything just like it is now! It's OK if we all die just so long as people think good things about us."

With that, the reporter turned to the camera with a deadpan look and spoke in a matter-of-fact voice. "Well, there you have it, folks. We're fucked."

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"We must learn to live together as brothers or we will certainly die together as fools."
-Martin Luther King


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