Monday, January 26, 2009

Homeless Tip #82: Finding Cash

I read this story and puked:

MOUNT COMFORT, Ind. – Three state highway workers cleaning up litter picked up an abandoned tire — and found about $100,000 inside.

Indiana state police suspect the cash, in denominations of $5 to $100, — may be drug money. State Police spokesman Mike Burns says a drug-sniffing dog found the scent of drugs on the bills.

Police said the workers found the tire Friday in a ditch along Interstate 70 just east of Indianapolis.

Police say the tire appeared to be from a large truck. It isn't clear how long it was in the ditch.

Detective Sgt. Keith O'Donnell commended the workers for their "honesty and professionalism" in contacting police.


OK, folks, let me clue you in when you find money in a tire: don't fucking report it! First off, any money you turn in will turn up "positive" for drugs, that's an old police trick for confiscating cash. The cop congratulates the guys for being naive morons so others will fall for the same trick.

Another tip is if it's a bank bag you happen to find, be sure to cut off all the bands because those can be used to legally identify the money. Also be sure to go through all the cash to check for transponders and then move the money to your own bag.

Laundering is difficult because large cash purchases are reported and the old standbys of casinos and other high cash volume places are tight as a drum now. Best to make systematic deposits as if they were paychecks (this is illegal, btw) and make everything look routine.

The usual caveat applies if you think the money belongs to a single (non-criminal) person: give it back or you'll hate yourself for the rest of your life.

P.S. Yes, I've given a lot of thought to finding money - my life has purpose.

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