Monday, August 25, 2008

My Patriotic Billboard

Greatest man alive!

Greatest President Ever!

Having posted my billboard here in Dallas, many came to wonder about and even suspect my motives. I finally agreed to an interview with a redneck radio DJ on a sports station that pretends not take itself too seriously but if you look hard enough you find that oftentimes they do. So it was funny to see his facade fade away when the reality of his burning opinions came to light.

Redneck Radio Guy: We've all seen this billboard you posted on our President and while it seems as if you're lauding him some people wonder if in fact it's a specious statement and a statement of sarcasm.

Harry Homeless: It is what it is.

RRG: OK, meaning what? Each person can take it however he likes?

HH: Why not?

RRG: That's fine but how do you see it? Is this some sort of backhanded way of giving our President the bird?

HH: If I died tomorrow would the meaning of the sign change? It's not my job to do other people's thinking for them. That's not what you're asking for is it?

RRG: Well, let me ask you this: Are you a supporter of our President?

HH: Of course I'm a supporter. I support everyone. Even Bin Laden.

RRG: [pause] I'm not sure I exactly understand that. So you support a guy who wants to destroy America. Someone who kills innocent women and children. You support someone like that?

HH: Sure I do. Like I said I support everyone. So do you.

RRG: Thank you, sir, but I'm a patriot! I don't want to see this country destroyed and as far as I'm concerned that S.O.B. can hang from the highest tree.

HH: Let me put it to you see this way: Give me your list of whose souls you don't want to see saved.

RRG: [pause] Well, of course, I'd like to see everyone's soul saved. Doesn't mean I want to see mass murderers going free.

HH: If you want Bin Laden souls saved then you are his supporter. I mean, what greater form of support can there be than saving a person's soul?

RRG: Right, but that doesn't mean you have to support everything they do.

HH: I agree totally - and remember you said that: that you can support someone without supporting everything they do.

RRG: So you don't agree with everything our President has done during this time of war?

HH: Of course not. I don't agree with everything I do much less anybody else. There's Jesus and then there's everybody else.

Radio Sidekick: [butting in] Wait a minute. Explain to me why you don't agree with everything you do. That's like saying you don't have freedom of choice or something. You can always do the right thing so I hope that you would agree with your own choices.

HH: Tell me why anyone sins.

RRG: What exact things are you saying you don't agree with that our President has done?

HH: I think where the confusion lies is in the definition of support. I can give you an example but you'll have to realize I'm speaking completely hypothetically and not trying to relate this back to any specific person or thing. I just want to make a point.

RRG: OK, shoot.

HH: Suppose you had friend who's a drug addict. In order to save him he has to admit there's a problem. But in the addict's eyes, those who tell him there is no problem are his supporters and those who tell him he has a problem are his enemies. So I ask you, who are his true supporters?

RRG: So you're calling the President a drug addict!

HH: Thanks for ignoring what I said about this being hypothetical.

RRG: Then what's your point then? Just go around criticizing everybody like you know everything?

HH: No, that's your job. My point is that if you view this President as a war criminal then to praise him is to condemn him and to criticize him is to save him.

RRG: Who are you to decide our President is a war criminal?

HH: Who are you to decide he's not? I make no decision. I simply seek out honest answers on where people stand. If you're telling me you disagree with my sign then fine. It's obvious then that you do not support the President.

RRG: I completely support our President, especially in a time of war, sir. Doesn't mean I have to think he's the greatest ever.

HH: Great! That's all I wanted to hear. I'll put you down as one of those who disagrees with my sign. Thanks a lot and remember: people love lists!

RRG: Hey now! I didn't mean it like that! Take me off that list! I love the President! I love my Daddy!!!

P.S. In the interest of presenting both sides, I offer this:

War Criminal!

Greatest Traitor In History!

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