Motel No-Tell On Planet Hell

It was like a nightmare from which I could not wake at the Motel No-Tell.

First I hear the grunting of a large nude black man with a gorilla mask over his head. Behind him is a well-suited white man with CEO PRICK printed on his back as he deeply penetrates gorilla guy. As he finishes, the black man angrily confronts the courtyard and yells, "Next!"

On a far wall a man is singing and wailing his one hit wonder, rabidly hitting his head against the bricks because he'll "never have that love again."

In the middle of the yard a man was being kicked and beaten in tormented desire - or as they called it: Tongue Fu fighting. The beaten man struggled to his feet crying, "Who didn't hit me?? I know someone didn't hit me!"

A man in a white robe was identified as the non-hitter. The Beaten Man was livid to his core. "Kill him! Kill him NOW!"

"Now you will pay for not hitting!"

The fighters proceeded to murder him in the worst way possible and when someone asked Beaten Man why he rationalized, "Because he's not like us and will betray us. But after he's safely dead we'll declare him a savior who died for our sins making us saved. Brilliant, huh?"

Along the perimeter I noticed a string of explosives. A group of children was placing detonators in them. "They think we don't know what's going on but we do and we're going to blow this place back to hell!"

One man panicked as he noticed the impending doom planned by the children. "Hey, look, we'll be blown up if we don't do something!"

The CEO barked, "Shut up! I'm busy!" The Tongue Fu fighters laughed, "We don't have to care. We are saved!" The head banging zombie singer slurred, "It sounds like a hit!"

Although with only a few minutes left to spare, the motley crew assembled for a press conference. Gorilla man put on his judge's robes. The CEO proudly displayed his instrument of profitable rape. The fighters put on their priestly collars. Dead head crooner exalted in an audience at last.

The judge declared the white-robed man's murder to be "absolutely legal - no appeal!" The priests displayed their bloody faces saying, "We've been persecuted for our sins!" One Hit Wonder guy confidently proclaimed the constant banging of his head against the wall "has finally fixed me! Everything seems great!"

Those were the final words spoken before the great blast which I heard as I myself was fleeing far into the desert. The explosion left no stone in place. In front of me was a sign designed to enlighten me: "Desert = death! Do not enter!"

CODA: Later I was banned from MSNBC's Morning Joe for insinuating Supreme Court Justice Uncle Tom Thomas was regularly sodomized by a real estate CEO who'd inherited all his wealth. Sorry, not sorry. Got to call them as I see them.