Dying Of The Lies

Oh, the sins of a lonely soul.

I agreed to go to church with my friend because I had nowhere else to go and did not want anyone to know that.

The sermon was titled "Lonely Is The Liar" and all sorts of things went through my head, as if it were directed at me. Is this why I was invited?

I drastically wanted to get up and walk out but that would have been social suicide. But to my final regret it was just the opposite...

After the service of a thousand years I was finally free. My friend said we could go out the back way and avoid meeting the priest. Was my friend ashamed of me? Or was my friend ashamed for inviting me under false pretenses? Lonely is the liar.

Either way I did want out with as little exposure as possible.

We descended through the basement where the church artifacts are kept. It was like a huge labyrinth of crisscrossing stairways and light was sparse. I felt we'd stepped back into medieval times

I blindly followed my friend but we soon got lost. We heard a rustling noise down the end of one of the countless hallways to find a doorway with a privacy ribbon across it.

It was the priest's quarters! He was masturbating in the bathroom. So we frantically turned our back on that way out.

It's holy when he does it!

Places after that got mustier and dustier. There were a bunch of old robes laying about on a stairway leading up. My friend felt sure that was the way but I was exhausted and decided to stay back for a bit.

I never saw my friend again. No trace anywhere, as if fallen into an abyss. Now what??

I remembered Rambo stuck in a cave using a torch to detect air flowing out. I gathered the old robes and wrapped them on a cross, setting them aflame. I'd worry about the blasphemy later.

To my shock it actually worked as I came to an out-of-use entryway with broken glass in the doors. I could see the outside at last!

Then dozens of sheriff's cars came screeching up and deputies with guns drawn came pouring out. Someone yelled, "Shoot the fucker!"

Had I triggered an alarm? Even if it wasn't me they were intent on shooting I didn't want to be caught in the crossfire. We all know how cops fantasize about shooting people.

I stumbled back down the stairs back into the dark passageways, my torch burning out. There was no going back. Or forward.

How did I even get here?? Oh, God, what can I do?

I could have just left during the service when I wanted to and avoided this nightmare! Why do I always think it's wrong to do what I want? I have a right to my feelings! I was terrified of not sparing others' feelings. I must face up! Dishonesty was my downfall. Now I die alone in the dark, knowing what I need to know too late.

Silent darkness engulfs me. I deem myself unlovable and deserving to die, so why even try?

Then, like a miracle, I heard a woman's voice calling out my name, pleading for me, like I'd always wanted to hear. Her voice echoed through the chambers.

No way could I let her see me like this, to know what a lying cowardly idiot I've been! I'll find her when I get out so she can see me in my best light!

But I did so want to cry out, every instinct and desire in my body yearned for her. A little voice kept asking, "Why am I staying silent?"

It's only when her voice stopped did I realize my horror: there is no reason for silence. Eternally too late, I called back until my voice gives out but the chance I thought would always be there is gone forever.

I was going to only let her see me after I got out but she was the way out.

We're all looking for something to live for and to die for. I crumple down in final despair. For my lies I do die but there was no reason why.

If you cling to your life, you will lose it.
But if you let your life go, you will save it.