Sleeping At The Feet Of The Sphinx

In the desert Sinai
Where I wandered to die
Comes manna from the sky

"Damn!"

***

The purgatory of a purposeless existence is beyond pain. It crushes, suffocates, demeans, debilitates, and pierces the mind with a cutting blade that twists in endless pursuit. No wonder so many turn to a foul purpose rather than no purpose at all. But in this vacuous domain I do find myself, praying for death that will not come.

If only we'd let Nature take its course we'd be driven to be released as a fulfilled people instead of blackmailed slaves, no doubt.

I tire of fighting the wind. I surrender in hopeless defeat. The killing desert has taken many a life, so take mine.

Yet, just as I dropped to my knees, ready to drown in despair and make my final exit, manna rains down upon me.

Manna, if you did not know, is irresistible to the human form. It sustains not only the body but the spirit, invigorating each. Long forgotten dreams feel obtainable once more. There's a connection to something universal, a wild hope beyond logic or reason that makes you want to leap for joy. It's electrifying and exciting and humbling. Though death was my wish, I ingested all I could.

But why did this miracle happen to me? I am unseasoned salt, a fallen angel, useless in all ways I can conceive. I felt it time to go, that I had tried God's patience to the point of no return. And yet...

Strange thoughts had I in the burning colors of the desert sunset. Is this some leftover karma granting me a seemingly undeserved time? Or am I like a homeless soul, this emotional vagrant serving a purpose that only heaven can see? Why is my life being extended?

The ancient Hebrews tasted this taste and now so have I. But God was introducing a consciousness back then, a Presence we've since banned at all costs. Then I think of misguided Israeli assassins deceiving they protect the homeland, turning their back on the covenant, the one truth that actually can protect; more twisting aching minds seeking purpose across the globe.

Thus I remain in purgatory having been revived by the manna. When I seek death, I get life. When I seek life, I get death. So I move onward to God knows what - and God knows why.