Join The Club!

Somebody somewhere out there right now is asking, "WHY?"

Why did it happen? Why the pain? What does it mean? Is more madness to come?  Where is hope?

They're praying for answers like a Jew in a box car, but none shall come. Mystery is thy name.

But now, I'm no longer alone. Welcome to the world.

****

Deep Ellum is the crowded nightclub district of Dallas. A girl was shot there Saturday night, maybe from a passing motorist or maybe from a rooftop. No one really knows. It's suspected a silencer was used. Police have no suspects and no motives at this time.

I'll never forget the screams of horror from her nearby girlfriends. They can't believes their eyes but they have to, no political spin to help. Lives changed forever, no going back. For them, the morning sun will never be as bright.

A few will become professional victims. Sill others will withdraw into permanent suspicion. Maybe one will survive the devil's guilt of having not been shot to live a normal life.

I just aimed at a group of girls as I was driving by. The loud music spilling onto the streets gave cover to my homemade silencer. I just couldn't stand the thought of being alone with my fate any longer.

I scour news everywhere for every last crumb of a word. That's me they're talking about! Camera footage sought. Tip line. Quotes from bystanders. It's like a transfusion of life.

I debated yelling out, "Get a job!" as the shot was fired. That's only because I can't get one. Like that girl, I too have been sentenced to death. They tell me I could be a dishwasher or school bus driver or some other form of slow suicide. Of course, no one who tells me to hold these jobs has these jobs. No bribe to look the other way for me.

Soon the attention will be gone, just another cold case file. I'll be wondering for some time if the police will show up on my doorstep. There might be a lucky break but, really, those only happen on TV shows. Real life doesn't have an acceptable plot line for the big screen. No one wants to know the real truth.

The world is cruel and getting more cruel. Like those girl's friends, I have no answers nor hope to find any answers. We live in an unspoken club.

Some spread love. Some spread pain. But we all spread something good or bad, no exceptions.

I'll never know what I could have been if I could have been. That's my nightmare. Who can I be if I don't get to be me?