Hey, Jose, Shut The Fuck Up!

God was suddenly bored.

"This new bowling alley has been kick ass but after 684 million perfect games I need to find something more challenging."

"Try living on Earth," muttered Jesus.

"Ah, the shithole planet! How are things there since you were crucified?"

"Worse."

"Worse? How could it have possibly have gotten worse?"

"Simple. They've convinced themselves that if I were to return they wouldn't crucify me again."

"My, my. Seems my plan of throwing the baby out with the bath water isn't working. This is a challenge!"

"You know they don't think that far ahead."

"Do they think at all? It's supposed to teach them to keep the water clean so the baby won't get thrown out!"

"Maybe we could try an experiment. Maybe we could try protecting what's good instead of allowing endless pain and anguish to rule."

"Is that allowed?"

"If you don't know, nobody does."

"OK, this could be fun! Let's try giving a damn!"

*******

That night on Earth, a voice spoke to Jose. Jose was a 30 hour a week dishwasher at a national chain restaurant, one of the most despised and hated creatures on the planet.

"Hey, Jose. It's me God. I've got a favor to ask."

"YOU'VE got a favor to ask???? Go fuck yourself! Who needs Your damn ass? You want a favor, try punching a time clock every goddam day - then we talk. What don't You try giving for a change instead of always asking?"

"That's exactly what I plan to do with you."

"Alright! This stupid lottery ticket is finally going to pay off!"

"Oh, I can't do that. All the omnipotent talk is just propaganda from the fake priests. Truth is, I'm mostly pretty useless. Can't pray your way off the cross! That's why I want to try something different."

"Such as?"

"I want you to say 'Love' all the time from now on."

"You woke me up for that? Look, You go pull my soul-killing shift wearing that stupid little hat tomorrow and then we talk. Copper mines of Giba got nothin' on this chico!"

"Oh, hell no. I don't want my life to suck too. All I'm asking is for you to say 'Love'."

"I thought God was supposed to know stuff. Crazy talk like that will get me fired. You want love, smart guy, then go fund it. Man, You're a troublemaker!"

"I'm going to have to ask you to trust me. I can't get anyone living high off the the hog being comfortable to help me. I need someone who has nothing to live for who'll throw his life away since all you're going to do is hump away at some crap job until arthritis takes over and makes your life twice as painful."

"Now that's the God I know! Work hard, be honest - get DOUBLE fucked in the end. Hallelujah."

"This is your way out. Remember: 'Love, love love'."

*******

In the morning Jose got to thinking about his doomed and miserable future being surrounded by dirty dishes and petulant patrons who can actually afford to eat out. May as well fucking die now and get it over with.

"In that case, no need to rush to work."

Upon his late arrival, Jose was duly chewed out. "Look at these dishes stacking up! Get to work you piece of shit!"

"Love, love love," replied Jose.

"Smart ass, bastard!" That made Jose smile because now his shift supervisor felt exactly as he did when talking to God the night before.

"Love, love, love!"

"That's it! You're fired!"

But then the shift supervisor was demoted to dishwasher - a curious trend that was to follow.

Departing the restaurant in the "nice" part of town, Jose heard the usual taunts walking down the street.

"Go back to your own country, you lazy leech!"

"Love, love love!"

"You can't talk to me like that!"

"Love, love love!"

"That's it! I'm going to punch you right in the face!" But as he attempted the punch, a blow of equal force hit the attacker in his own face even though Jose never moved. "Goddamit! You see that? That spic hit me!" A stubborn man, the attacker tried again but with the same result - until finally he knocked himself out.

An angry crowd gathered around. "Hey, that wetback knocked out Tom who never did nothin', just minding his own business. Let's kick his ass!" But the attackers were again rebuffed with equal force until a morass of strewn bodies encircled Jose. That's when the talk began.

"They call him the Love Man," beamed the female reporter to the camera. "He is said to be favored by God. A perpetual crowd follows this illegal immigrant asking him to heal their children, end droughts, and perform other miracles. His small apartment has been broken into where a cult has begun that worships his shoes in unyielding dissatisfaction. Hey, Jose, send love my way!"

But those at the top of the world were deeply concerned. "If love wins, we lose!" Employers who demanded Jose not be given a job went bankrupt. Those who demanded he should not be given food starved to death. Every chain of the world snapped in futility. The entire socioeconomic structure broke down seeing a jobless man thrive. The authorities decided they must step in and wrest control as they had throughout the ages.

Judges - whose deeds are dirty but whose hands are clean - smirked in their betrayal. "We'll deport his ass according to Man's law!" But that only got the judges deported. The D.A. who indicted Jose was indicted. The ICE goons who tried to jail him were jailed. Frustration was mounting. "Somebody DO something!" tweeted the President who was then impeached and forever banned from Twitter.

Jose simply continued with his "Love" mantra, watching in wonder as the human sea parted before him. Priests who preached "Never listen to this false man!" were never listened to again. Lone assassins hoping for approval had their own bullets returned to them. The military who tried to blow him up were duly blown up. All the tried and true ways of the world used over the centuries were useless until finally - ultimately - the destroyers of the world destroyed themselves. Jesus laughed.

Even God was amazed at the outcome. "Me damn! I should have done this sooner!"