Saturday, January 21, 2017

Crashing The (Adultering) Pearly Gates

"Hi, it's me, the Good Girl! Ready to pass through the pearly gates."

"Nice to meet you. I see you're a lifelong adulteress!" observed Saint Peter.

"Oh, haha. You must have someone else's file. I was always good - and popular too! I did like people wanted and never stepped out of line."

"This is the correct file. You understand the only information I have available to me is the truth?"

"This can't be! I married my school sweetheart and stayed married to him my entire life. I never had an affair. I was only tempted once early on but I stayed strong! Praise be to God!"

"Yes, I see here you were tempted to do the right thing but refused."

"The right thing? An affair is never the right thing."

"But your true feelings were for him. He was your true husband."

"No, no, no. I had a marriage contract. It was official. Don't you see the certificate there??"

"Again, I have only the truth. Whatever papers you created have no meaning here."

"That's like saying I wasted my whole life!"

"That is the end result of adultery, yes."

"But we were rich! Blessed by God. God wouldn't bless an unholy marriage. That's why we were so successful."

"Do you feel blessed now having been revealed as an adulterer?"

"I'm starting to feel awful."

"So you are correct: God does not bless an unholy marriage."

"I can't believe you can see all my true feelings there! That's a violation of my privacy!"

"Feelings are your gift and your guide. It's you who chose to be dishonest."

A good girl would never do this?

"I was never dishonest! I never stole anything or cheated anyone."

"You cheated yourself. And you lied about your feelings."

"You can't just always follow your feelings! There's no security in that. And besides, I loved my marriage. What about those feelings?"

"But what of your husband?"

"Loving your marriage means loving your husband! You people can't just stand there and make me out to be some whore! I had children. Marriage is moral, sir."

"I can't control what comes out of your mouth. I have here no record of you having loved your husband."

"Then your records are wrong! What do you say to that?"

"I say nothing."

"Aha! And what if I demand to be with my husband for all eternity? What does that prove but your records to be false? False, I say!"

"I would say it proves nothing of the sort."

"Of course, you would! Because would say anything rather than be proved wrong. I'm going to spend eternity with my husband, my true love."

"I feel compelled to tell you it's in your best interests to emotionally divorce from your marriage and become an honest woman."

"That's the most insane statement I've ever heard. I'm sorry if you think you know everything. And let me tell you something else. People who go around thinking they know everything only end up betraying themselves in the end. You may think you're winning here but you're really losing. My final word is this: I am to spend eternity with my husband and you will just have to live with being wrong."

Peter sighed. "OK, have it your way."

The Good Girl flashed a brief winning smile before the trap door opened for her to join her deceased husband. Why does everyone have to talk their way out of Heaven?? "She was certainly right about one thing: people who think they know everything end up betraying themselves."

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