Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Occupy Servants' Quarters: The Rich Strike Back!

In a "turnabout is fair play" move, millionaires and billionaires across the country are staging catered "sit ins" in their servants' quarters, protesting workers' rights and other cumbersome burdens the "mainstream media refuses to cover", says one Arnold S. of California. "Fuck one maid and you'd think the world had come to an end! Bad enough we have to put up with paying the socialist mandated minimum wage! Oh, the humanity!"

"Tell the maid: I'll be back!"

Many are recalling their lost youth as Hippie protesters in the 60's. "It's so thrilling to recapture our lost idealism. I have goosebumps all over me. It's been over 40 years since I've stood for something and I have to tell you it feels good!" said one protester, referring to herself only as "Goldbeam" ("Used to be Moonbeam!"). "People ask us all the time what we want. The answer is simple: more!" Goldbeam later led the protesters in a chant of, "All we are saying, is give greed a chance!"

Dreaming of future BMWs

Some of the more militant millionaires have taken to the streets, outraged over being forced to view "unsightly homeless shelters" from the back of their limousines, picketing with signs saying, "Guilt is for losers!", "Let me eat (your) cake!" and "Kiss my Maserati!" There were also reports of protesters locking arms to prevent a homeless man from entering his cardboard box. "Why aren't you serving us champagne, you bum!" Police arrested the homeless man for disturbing the peace.

Uncivil rights count too!

"What the poor don't understand are the burdens of the rich," lamented Donald T. of New York. "They say we lost all their money in a game of casino-like betting and that is true. But we can't have everyone being rich! We need delusional working slaves thinking they're free, and fighting for our right to be rich. That's what makes this country great and we will fight to keep it that way! And besides they can always get their money back in the rigged casinos we set up for them. The best ones rhyme with the word 'dump'!"

"I'm a job creator. It takes four different people
just to keep my comb-over in place."


In More News Of The World!

Chasing Bicyclists: The Sport Of Kings


In July 2010, Martin Joel Erzinger, a hedge fund manager for extremely wealthy investors at Morgan Stanley Smith Barney, was driving his car near Vail, Colorado, when he hit a bicyclist from behind and then sped away. The Vail Daily reported that the victim, Steven Milo, suffered "spinal cord injuries, bleeding from his brain and damage to his knee and scapula," which left him facing multiple surgeries. The newspaper's account of the incident makes clear that Erzinger should have been prosecuted for this incident.

Committing a hit-and-run is a felony in Colorado, and leaving the scene of a crime constitutes a felony as well. Nevertheless, the district attorney, Mark Hurlbert, announced that Erzinger would be charged only with a misdemeanor, which carries no jail time. Hurlbert's explanation for not charging Erzinger with any felonies was blunt: "Felony convictions have some pretty serious job implications for someone in Mr. Erzinger's profession."

In other words, Erzinger engages in such vital activity that charging him with a felony would be wrong because it might seriously disrupt his work: managing the money of multimillionaires and billionaires. According to Worth magazine, Erzinger "oversees over $1 billion in assets for ultra high net worth individuals, their families and foundations." If he were charged with a felony, he would be required to report that fact to licensing agencies; a felony conviction could result in his fund manager license being rescinded. Apparently, as far as the district attorney was concerned, it would be terribly unfair to subject someone like Erzinger to the risk of damaging his career, though presumably someone with less to lose could -- and would -- be charged as a felon without any such worries.

Yes, folks, justice may be blind but she can still see green!


Taking customer service into his own hands


WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The Federal Bureau of Investigation on Friday estimated there are some 1.4 million gang members in the United States and they are turning to white collar crimes as more lucrative enterprises.

Gangs like the Bloods and the Crips are engaging in crimes, such as identity theft, counterfeiting, selling stolen goods and even bank, credit card and mortgage fraud, said a new FBI gangs threat assessment.

"We've seen it, but we've seen them doing it even more now and we attribute to the fact that the likelihood of being caught is less, the sentences once you are caught are less, and the actual monetary gain is much higher," said Diedre Butler, a unit chief at the National Gang Intelligence Center.

See? The youth of the today aren't stupid. They're listening to us VERY well!


Finding the perfect pumpkin!


If you had to guess what attire would be appropriate for a pumpkin patch, booty shorts probably wouldn't fall under that category.

Poor Courtney Stodden -- the 17-year-old teen bride of 51-year-old Doug Hutchison, just didn't get the memo on what's appropriate to wear .... pretty much anywhere.

It turned out Courtney wasn't kicked off of Facebook for being too sexy, but Stodden and her husband were booted from a pumpkin patch in the Santa Clarita Valley this weekend, reports RadarOnline.

But it wasn't just Courtney's denim booty shorts and cleavage-baring shirt that was too much for fellow pumpkin patch visitors. The couple made quite the scene with Courtney jumping into Doug's arms, straddling him provocatively, and making out in front of families who were just trying to spend the day finding a perfect pumpkin.

Assassinating "bad guys" and innocent civilians around the world: MORAL. People expressing sexuality: EVIL! Show me someone who's for the wars and I guarantee you I'll show you a sexual deviant. The two go hand in hand.

Click below for some more Hot Legs!


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