Thursday, September 15, 2011

Of Which I Heel Kick A Rick Perry Stooge

It would be different if they were all wearing their dunce caps

Verbally, I opt out of most conversations here at the homeless shelter. Who knows, maybe if I weren't so absorbed in my own pain I'd be more of loud mouth 'fixer' who has to set everyone straight. God, what a miserable existence that is! It's like being slowly roasted over a fire while trying to convince the flames not to be hot. You feel like you have to do something because you're being roasted alive but trying to reason with the flames never gets you anywhere. Life is really, really hard.

Sure enough, they had the goddam tea bagger debates on in the TV area and people got all riled up. I don't make fun of the tea baggers or the Palins et al. because I don't think it's nice to make fun of retards. Plus where's the sport in it? I need a challenge. Forced to spend some time in the TV area on another errand, I did catch a few glimpses of the eight mental dwarfs on stage.

It was wretched, like someone had gone out and gotten the sleaziest used car dealers they could find and had them fitted for suits and makeup to make them presentable to an unknowing eye. Something about a silk purse out of a sow's ear comes to mind. Most everyone watching was howling and screaming at the answers, talking back impotently to the screen. When one is experiencing the knife of our current economic clime one fails to see the need to make the world any prettier than it is. All you can think about is getting that goddam knife out!

That about sums up the feeling the "candidates" induced.

The pain I saw on those retorting faces was clear and evident. They reacted as if someone had just hit them in the stomach when they heard some of the remarks from the tea baggers. Truly, the spirit wars are our real wars, the physical wars just an extension of them. Mentally, I didn't record much of what was said, it was just more interesting to me to see the interplay between the victims and the victimizers.

Justice has become an evil word in our society and I understand why: Because if we honor it, it means scrapping our society and starting over. What most fail to understand is not honoring justice guarantees the end of our society, like denying water to a plant. That's why all the debates about nature are meaningless, there's no beating nature in the end. So like I said, I opt out of most conversations since the path of learning is unavoidable over time - even for the closed mind.

That's not to say I'm above it all, eh "Ungentle" Ben?

So I do catch a part of the debate from our very own Governor Goodhair preaching how not "lowering" regulations and not "lowering" taxes are keeping our economy down and if we just did these two simple things "you will see an American economy that takes off like a rocket ship."

Just a bald head away from oblivion

"Bull-fucking-shit!" snapped Jerron. "You a lyin' motherfucker! You know damn well that ain't gonna help a FUCKING thing but line the boss man's pockets and not make a single motherfucking job!"

More catcalls came after that but I was too busy silently laughing at Jerron's reaction. I know that frustration of knowing the truth, watching someone publicly speak a bald faced lie about it and then watch a bunch of clueless idiots applaud at being told what they want to hear. Where does it end?? Only in death.

Later that night I was slumped in my chair contemplating the bliss of suicide and the end of this hell on earth when goddam Ungentle Ben sparks up talk about the debate. There's lots of lost people out there who just want to be contrary, or offer opinions solely on the basis they have cut ties with reality. Asshole Ben is both of those. Mostly, he's like a fly I don't have the energy to chase down and swat. But just because I don't have the energy doesn't mean I don’t want to kill the fucker.

The Ben-inator is someone who likes to make those "I'm not one of you" speeches. Those are people who actually side with their abusers and they think that by doing so they have separated themselves from the herd as morally superior souls who do not act out of self-interest but rather have this maniacal, laudable devotion to objectivity. Of course, if they were truly objective they'd admit they want to live and not suffer abuse. Regardless, you'd be surprised the number of people who cling to this idiotology.

"Thank you, sir. May I please have another,"
says the future Tea bagger.

So this parrot head does what he supposes is his masters' bidding by decrying federal government regulations that are unfairly imposing themselves on Texas and therefore harming us. Ungentle Ben has this singular tunnel vision of how by only worshipping jobs can we save ourselves and the pursuit of life, liberty and happiness. It frustrates him to no end to see such an obvious and inviolable axiom be disputed.

You know, like the Obama-must-be-reelected-at-all-costs crowd.

Seeing Ungentle Ben's red face during these arguments often provided me with fair compensation with having to listen to his idiocy. The man is his own worst enemy! But seeing his heroic perverts all lined up on stage that night just like real human beings had emboldened this mighty minion to the point no one had the will to fully confront him.

So here's Benny and the Pests standing in the TV room like Ali lording over Sonny Liston after his knockout punch. So just like with the Trans Am brat, I found myself forced to speak up.

"That's right, Benny, who needs air when you got a job? What ya gonna do, breathe through that paycheck? Breathing is so overrated!"

Took this pic myself

"You shut up, Harry! All your lazy ass does is complain how the world done you wrong. You want a job as much as anyone else. You a hypocrite, you is! Governor Perry is just trying to help things out and you don't understand that!"

There's no "turning off comments due to ad hominem attacks" allowed in real life.

Now, I know reason and logic have no place in politics. I see people try to make that case all the time but they are wasting their time. However, one must point out one knows his opponent his lying about the facts before returning to the debate.

"The EPA is not harming Texas, Texas did that all on its own. It's not that the regulations are so onerous, it's that Texas has fallen so far behind in pollution control for so many decades the cost has become so high. It's like complaining about how much it takes to catch up on your car payments after not making them for a year. If Texas were a country, it would be the seventh largest polluter in the world. Who's fault is that, Einstein?"

Conservatives never debate facts because that means they lose, ergo Butthead Ben must appeal to my irrational side to get the momentum back on his side.

"You won't be saying that when out there looking for work! No, sir! You'll come back 'Please, Mr. Perry, get me a job! Thank you, sir!'"

"Won't find me complaining about not having a crap job. I just hate the effects of not having money is all." Then I lazily clasped my hands behind my head.

"Then why don't get your ass out there and get you some!" I could tell what he was really asking was to join him in his job worship on the good ship Lollypop.

"Oh, I'm too smart for that," was my direct reply to his offer - sure to incense him and then unwittingly have him define his own thoughts of himself.

"You're not smart! You're just a bum like everyone else around here, a legend in your own mind when you're really nothing but a loser, sticking up for shit that ain't ever going to do you any good! You need to wake up and smell the coffee!!"

Red Face Ben was back - to the point of being a little scary even. He'd lost all composure and the room was riveted upon our conversation just as Ben's eyes were on me like a dog who'd had his leash yanked unexpectedly. That's when I decided best to let it go and let nature takes its course on the enlightenment of Ungentle Ben.

"Have it your way, dude. I'm tired of doing you favors."


Involuntarily I chuckled to myself, thinking back to all the painful lessons taught to me by nature's unrelenting hand. "Don't worry," I muttered more to myself than anyone, thinking I was ending the conversation. "Things will work themselves out with or without you."

"What do you mean by that!?" Benny Boy's voice had a strange pitch to it, forcing me to look up at him. His head was half-cocked and my disinterested ass had a hard time telling if he was posing or really was about to go off half cocked.

I snorted. "Is that what you say?"

"Is that what I say WHEN?"

"Is that what you say when your conscience speaks to you?"

It took a second to sink in and realize I had publicly spoken his inner conversation. Then Ungentle Ben blurt out an expletive and came rushing towards me. Normally, I'm not that good at physical confrontations. I can't fight it out so I have to either run away or resort to maiming with a lead pipe. But I was curiously comfortable as Ungentle Ben steamed towards me like a slow motion locomotive. In more of a stopping motion than an actual kick I straightened my leg out putting my heel directly into his upper thigh. And then: Down goes Frazier! Down goes Frazier!

Perhaps a slight exaggeration of the event

"I'm gonna get you, Harry," mutedly swore a stung Ben, clutching his leg and moving backwards out of the room to save face. I had no idea it was going to have that kind of effect on him but I have to admit it being pretty satisfying watching him slink away. As soon as he left, the room burst into laughter, congratulating me on my heroic slaying of the beast. I have to say my smirking ass did not mind basking in that glow even if maybe it wasn't completely justified.

If only we could swat all the flies.

Welcome to my ear worm!


Max Silver said...

As bad as it sounds, I was laughing throughout pretty much all of this post XD

Harry Homeless said...

Then you got it more than most. Thanks.