Monday, August 15, 2011

Horton Hates A Who

"I hate Jews. They ruin everything!"

"Lots of people say that."

"There's this real stuck up bitch I know. She's a Jew."

"That's always a good reason to hate an entire race of people."

"Yeah, well, you should see her!"

"What's she like?"

"She's smart and funny and really pretty."

"How awful!"

"But she's like that all the time."

"The nerve! She must have been horrible to you."

"No, she was really friendly and gave me a golden flower."

"So when do we get to the 'stuck up' part?"

"Well, not really stuck up. It's just that everybody wants her."

"But you got a flower from her."

"I think she thought I was somebody else."

"Why would she think that?"

"Because I told her I was."

"Why did you do that?"

"Because she's smart and funny and really pretty."

"You couldn't have just been honest?"

"No! Never! She's too stuck up!"

"But maybe she wasn't mistaken."

"She had to of been. The flower's dead now."

"What happened to it?"

"I was too scared to take care of it. When you've got something beautiful to take care of people can then see how you really are. I'd never had a golden flower before."

"So you were mad to get the flower?"

"No, I was really, really happy to get it. I was singing every day it was alive."

"So it was you who ruined everything."

"Not really...I don't know...maybe...she must have done something wrong!"

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I hate her!"

"Sounds like you hate you."

"Well, yeah, but - "

"But what?"

"OK, what I really hate is her knowing what a loser I am. I can't believe I destroyed the flower..."

"So that's how the Jews ruined everything and now you hate them?"

"Yes, if she had been shitty to me everything would be fine and I could sleep at night!"

"I understand now. Next time I hear someone say "I hate the Jews" I'll think to myself: he really hates himself."

"You're not going to tell anyone that, are you?"

"I'm going to tell the whole world and set you free!"

"You know what?"

"I know 'who'."

"I hate therapists. They ruin everything!"


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