Wednesday, May 18, 2011

So Newt Is...Scarface??

Separated at birth?

"I only tell you once. Don't fuck me, Tony. Don't you ever try to fuck me."
-Alejandro "the Snake" Sosa, South American drug dealer (fiction)

"Thou shalt not speak ill of any fellow Republican."
-Ronald Reagan, Central American drug dealer (non-fiction)

Rarely am I inspired to delve into the day-to-day minutiae of politics because its relevance is about the same as yesterday's wind. Most everyone likes to discuss the weather whereas I prefer to discuss weather trends. And besides, these people are so obvious it's like shooting fish in a barrel and that does nothing to improve my aim.

But when you get a fish like Newt, well, by God, hand me the shotgun!

Since the 90's, I've always called him the "Firestarter". He laces his commentary with more napalm than any bomb dropped in Vietnam. His tactic is a scorched earth policy that leaves his opponents shock and awed at the depths to which he'll sink. Newt has a unique and gifted way of raping the truth while wrapping it in a pseudo-plausible package which he then launches like a fireball to explode at the threat of any rational discourse.

In fact, he's so incendiary I often watch Newt just so I don't miss the moment he finally bursts into flames. Gee, I really want to see that.

The Newt-Man had to be the inspiration
for this on some level!

But something came over Fig Newton man I'm hesitant to describe. Was it ethics? Was it a case of outsmarting himself as he attempted to position himself like Obama: as a man above the fray and the Cossack partisans? Or was there some sort of glitch in his programming that sent the Newt bot into a haywired frenzy? Lord knows he's been scorching his brain for years and perhaps he'd severed one receptor too many.

I'll be generous and grant Newt as having an actual thought (breaking Republican commandment #1!) and that he was sincere in his criticism of both the Republican health care plan (aka Bataan Death March) and Paul Ryan's psychotic budget plan that hunts down the poor with a relentless and lethal mania. (If the Rethugs were to put out a first person shooter video game, the "enemies" would be the homeless, gays, peaceniks and anyone caught having a tolerant thought.)

So perhaps Newty realized he needed to salvage the career of political satirists when noticed his fellow cabal mates to be so over-the-top in their disconnect to reality that it was impossible to devise any concepts more absurd than the ones being proposed. So he broke faith and uttered a *gasp* true statement:

The former House speaker broke from his party leadership on the Hill by stiff-arming the budget drafted by Rep. Paul Ryan, R-Wis., and passed last month in the House.

"I don’t think right-wing social engineering is any more desirable than left-wing social engineering," said presidential candidate Newt Gingrich, in a controversial Meet the Press interview last Sunday. "I don't think imposing radical change from the right or the left is a very good way for a free society to operate. I think we need a national conversation to get to a better Medicare system with more choices for seniors," Gingrich said.

Ouch! That dose of reality had to hurt the teenage fantasists that make up Republican leadership. (Eric Cantor truly lives on a cloud - of pollution). Reality is one thing in which no conservative has any interest because it destroys all their plans for witchcraft and world domination. It's tough being a toe-tapping warlock.

The right wingnuts were apoplectic at Newt's betrayal

"I am not going to justify this. I am not going to explain it," [a whiny] Limbaugh said Monday to his national radio audience.

"The attack on Paul Ryan, the support for an individual mandate in healthcare? Folks, don’t ask me to explain this. There is no explanation! What do you mean, 'If I don't explain it, who will?' There is no explanation for it," Limbaugh said. "First off, it cuts Paul Ryan off at the knees. It supports the Obama administration in the lawsuits that 26 states have filed over the mandate. I guess, what? Back in 1993, Newt supported an individual mandate, everybody should buy insurance. I am as befuddled as anyone else is what I’m telling you."

Rush then went on to hold his breath until "mean Uncle Newt takes it all back!"

Paul "Mad Hatter" Ryan also took exception on Newt's failure to sell his soul for Ryan's magical mystery budget:

"Rep. Paul Ryan fired back at Newt Gingrich on Monday after the ex-House speaker panned Ryan's Medicare plan as "right-wing social engineering."

Ryan, [appointed] chairman of the House Budget Committee [in a bout of insanity], argued that his proposal is not "radical," as Gingrich alleged during an interview over the weekend. And he questioned why Gingrich was choosing to align himself with Democratic critics of the GOP budget proposal.

"With allies like that, who needs the left?" Ryan quipped, during an interview [where mascara ran down his face like Tammy Faye Baker].

Republicants try to look like humans -
but it's not easy!

It was this same breach of unethical ethics that got Tony Montana killed in Scarface. He refused to kill the man prosecuting the drug cartels while the man's kids were in the car. This made Tony's partners in crime very, very angry as they sent a hit squad to his house to kill him DEAD.

Similarly, Newt's own momentary lapse from parroting right-wing fascist ideology has caused a Republican firing squad to be assembled. These Republicans are quite a devotional lot and take their vows quite seriously (fanatically?). Vows to worship money, trust in blind greed and destroy the environment. And with vows so very well funded they get all sorts of righteous indignation going when their wicked ways are threatened.

Poor Newt. He tried to be a man, to be an adult even if for just a few seconds. Now he's backpedaling furiously, apologizing for any perceived integrity he may have shown and crawling back to his evil masters like a repentant Vader. But even so his Presidential corpse is rotting for all to see and mock. So let that be a lesson to ya, Newt: you're running with the wrong crowd if you want to stand for truth, justice and humanity!

Check out this video from the last RNC convention! No honor among thieves!


tg1158 said...

i/ve been reading some of your writing and i can't tell what position you take from one post to the other. I'm confused" Do you agree that that John Lennon had to be stopped/shot? That Newt disgusts, even himself? That Reagan was a drug dealer? That Winnie is a gang leader? Remember Sesame Street's, "Which of these things belongs together? Which of these things are kinda the same? But one of these things is doin his own thing, now it's time to play our game, it's time to play our game." It's okay to have familiarly, consistent (even predictable) opinions about things, because that's how we realte to each other , but IF you were to believe Reagan and Lennon were both evil, well that would be just weird and i would not be surprised if people poo-pooed as crazy-- Or labeled a "liberal facist."

Harry Homeless said...

Don't forget there is the word "sarcasm" in the title of my blog. Sometimes I express opinions that are to me on the face of them absurd and therefore a mockery.

For the record, Newt is a scoundrel and John Lennon the greatest artist of all time.