Wednesday, June 01, 2016

Are You A Socialist?

A satisfied selfie on the way to the top

Sir Frederick Hendershot III was a stockbroker in good standing. He followed all the rules and regulations to a T while despising "young, punk traders" in their flashy foreign sports cars who give the industry a bad name. Hendershot considered himself part of the integral fabric of corporatization that builds the world as we know it today. He found great comfort in this assumed role.

To not share his views and not be as fortunate as he was "simply the mark of an immoral character". This allowed him to guiltlessly pick his way through the downtown homeless on his way to his high-rise accommodations. That others chose the "safe, easy" route and ended up in dire straights only affirmed his life's choices. "It's good to be me."

"People are basically selfish and greedy and if we ignore that fact we'd be damn fools! A system of greed is the only way. No shortcuts! Every dollar must be an honest dollar or the whole system collapses. Because I've stayed on the straight and narrow I lead a good life and always will. The good Lord wants it this way. Amen."

Frederick loved to pontificate on the wisdom and morality of his life. He bathed in it and wallowed in it to his heart's delight. To his long-time associates who'd heard it all before his speeches only caused eye-rolling but so well-rehearsed was his passion that many a weak fool who heard it for the first time would find pearls of wisdom in his seeming insights. This was the true food that kept Frederick alive.

Pharaoh spots a useless loafer wanting a free ride!

"It's these people with a sense of entitlement who outrage me the most! The world owes you nothing, my good man. All this liberal garbage that Man has a need to give is nonsense in the utmost. You cannot take from others giving nothing in return. No system can survive that! 'Every dollar must be earned,' is my motto. Socialism is death!"

So one can imagine his outrage when Sir Frederick was about to enter the marble hallways of exclusivity of his building to find his pocket had been picked!

"You thieving scum! I won't stand for this! How dare you extend your hands into my pocket! No human being has a right to another's wealth. This isn't about selfishness but law and order. What would happen if every person had his pockets picked? It would be the end of civilization, complete anarchy. Is this what we've become? Are we to funnel our assets to those who feel our money should be theirs simply because of a false sense of entitlement? That's utter madness! It's insanity beyond all words!"

Sir Frederick's outrage could not be contained as he lectured and chastised all those within earshot. His scathing soliloquy also spurred pretty policemen into action as protecting the poor does not pay one's rent as well as protecting the rich. When the police did bring the "baseless scoundrel" before Sir Frederick, however, his tone and demeanor transformed in an instant.

It's fun to be a hypocrite in a godless world!

"Oh, sir, I'm sorry. My utmost apologies. I spoke too hastily. How wrong of me to be so judgmental! Please, take my money - and more if you want. Please do not underestimate my desire to serve the greater good." The thief in question was none other than Dewey Cheatum, the famous billionaire who believes he is entitled to every dollar in existence. Poor Freddy just couldn't apologize enough. "Please understand I thought it was one of these wretched street urchins who pinched my funds. I had no idea it was a person of wealth. I'd rather die than give a nickel to these homeless bums looking for a free ride but to you I'll give all my money!"

Yes, it's true: we live in Opposite World, where capitalists are socialists and socialists are capitalists. So take the Socialist Test. Does it make you angrier to think this man takes a nickel from you

than this man takes tens of thousands from you?

If so, you're a socialist!

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