"No, I've been busy."
"Busy? What have you got to be busy about?"
"Oh, lots of things."
"Like you're some important person doing something. I bet you've not been busy at all!"
"Don't get in a snit. I've been very busy being depressed digging my hole deeper, missing Emily horribly, feeling frustratingly futile, and looking for plausible excuses for anger like an asshole conservative. That's a lot for any one person's plate."
"Sounds like bullshit to me."
"You predicate that on my having an interest in your opinion." I then waved him away with a small hand gesture that only infuriated him more - as intended.
"You can't tell me you haven't heard about the attacks!"
"Which attacks? The invasion of Iraq, global JSOC missions, extrajudicial drone strikes? Can't tell the good players from the bad without a program, I say."
"I'm talking about evil people attacking innocent civilians. That's totally different than when we good people kill innocent civilians."
"See? That's what I'm talking about. No one gave me a list of who's good and who's bad. But then, who needs one when I got you keeping tabs on things for me."
"You're completely irresponsible! You just sit there doing nothing to stop the terrorists. We've got to do something!"
"You know what, you're right."
"I am?"
"Absolutely. I say this now from the highest cliff in the land: Terrorism bad! Stop it! Everyone hold hands - unless you're afraid of getting AIDS from Charlie Sheen."
"That's just so wrong in so many ways. Unbelievable! You're just going to lounge there and let terrorists come in the door!"
"I'm nobody's puppet."
"You will be when they come busting through!"
"I have no fear of that."
"Then you a fool! How can you say something like that?"
"Because I know you'll be out there fighting them before they ever get to me."
"That's right! I'm a freedom fighter! You're a freedom sucker, just sponging off other people's efforts."
"You could always de-enlist. No skin off my nose."
"I'm not shameful like that. And you'll get what you deserve. I don't know how you can live with yourself being like that."
"I'll say three Hail Mary's before I go to bed tonight."
"Well, that's something!"
"Is it?"
Stop distracting me from naked Kardashians
"You can't take anything seriously, can you? People dying all over the place, blown to bits for no good reason. That could be you! We have to do something!"
"Like I said, I'm nobody's puppet." I stretched out and turned on my side. An attempt at shaming guilt to come next, no doubt.
"You know what one guy did? He played "Imagine" outside where the attacks were. What do you think of that, Mr. Lennon fan?"
"If John Lennon were alive today he'd be lynched. You and all your phony patriots would call him a traitor for not giving in to hate."
"You gotta be a terrorist to fight terrorists! You have to shoot the enemy standing in front of you."
"The only way to fight terrorists is not to become one."
"Screw that! We be bombing the shit out of them now. Hahaha! Take that, you fuckers!"
"You can't bomb terrorism. You really think you can just keep killing until all the so-called bad guys are gone and one day be safe?"
"Heck yeah!"
"And just by curious coincidence no one here in this country needs bombing."
"We're the good guys, dummy. I'm an expert on knowing the good guys. I stay informed - unlike you!"
"Ah, I'd love to hear an expert's opinion on who the good guys are."
"Oh, that's easy: It's anyone who looks like me."
"Well played, sir! Thank God for terrorism, eh? Now your life finally has purpose and meaning."
"You can say that again!"
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