Normally in this column we spotlight regularly committed Jewish treacheries and atrocities but today we'd like to take a different turn here at Fascist Times and show there can be a good Jew even if on very rare occasions. We'd also like to take this opportunity to prove this is not a baseless propaganda column as falsified by corrupt Western powers. We recognize both good and bad equally, turning a blind eye to neither. And with that said we'd like to introduce to our readers the woman known as the "Queen Of The Cattle Cars" (as dubbed by our very own Minister of Propaganda Goebbels!)
The camp relocation program has been a win-win for both the German and Jewish populations, an inarguable achievement of which our state should be duly proud! However, there are malcontents that exist no matter how just a society may be, and these misguided souls need gentle persuading to get them onto the correct path. That's where our interview subject, the Cattle Car Queen comes in. She fully embraces the enlightened wisdom of the camp deployments and her good work for this noble cause has not gone unnoticed.
FT: Just what was it that made your Jewish mind understand the need and the ultimate reward of the camp deployments?
QCC: I was just tired of hearing the constant carping and negativity of my own people! Who are these people who think they know everything and try to run people's lives? They're too good to try something different? Give camps a chance!
FT: I'm impressed by your open mind! A most Germanic trait. It sounds like this is a job you thoroughly enjoy.
QCC: Oh, it is! It is! I love, love, love my job. I'm someone who enjoys helping people. This has to be by far the most rewarding experience of my life.
FT: I've heard you even travel on the cars with those people.
QCC: Yes, I just can't help it, I get so involved. I like asking about their children and lives, what sort of plans they have for the future. What I really like is when we play this game where we come up with answers on how camp life will make their lives better. Sometimes you get the most amazing answers!
FT: [Laughter] I bet you do! But what do you make of all the Jewish bashing of your efforts, of those who say you are a betrayer?
QCC: They betray themselves. Try following orders if you want a good outcome. Don't like how life is for you? Well, adopt a better attitude and see what happens! Certainly worked for me. All I can do is try to salvage as many lives as I can and pull them out of the darkness. But not everyone listens.
A mother and daughter stand in line to have their faces measured by a thick, thuggish bully of a woman who'd later be reincarnated as the governor of New Jersey. After the mother passes, the daughter is then measured, causing the thug woman to exclaim: "Ist Juden! Ist Juden!" The daughter is taken away as the screaming mother is restrained. She is inconsolable, the grief unbearable, all hope and reason having left the world. She cries out helplessly to a helpless God. It does not matter to this woman that one day the Nazi empire will crumble or that vengeance is God's. It only matters her daughter has been taken away - a daughter she'll never see again.
FT: Minister of Propaganda Goebbels himself appointed you to this position, a man of true insight. What was it like meeting Minister Goebbels?
QCC: A meeting I'll never forget! I was, like, totally awestruck. To be in such a position of responsibility over the whole country is an undertaking I just cannot imagine. I feel with every fiber of my being his is a name that will be remembered by history. For me to be a part of that history, to be recognized by this man, is truly life changing. My only regret is that not every Jew feels the thrills and honor I have felt.
FT: It's obvious this work means very much to you. You speak with a near religious fervor.
QCC: Oh, very much so. I feel Jesus by my side, beaming in pride as I give aid and comfort to the doubting Thomas's. There's not a doubt in my mind I'm doing the Lord's work. Helping others is the most rewarding experience one can ask for. I will not rest until I can get every Jew into a camp.
FT: Neither shall I! [Both laugh] I must admit I'm highly impressed with your resolve and dedication to this cause. What gets you so fired up day after day?
QCC: What really struck me from the beginning was the undoubting conviction of the Nazis as this for a final solution. They have no hesitation, you see no wavering in the enforcement. They just know. I know I've never felt that certain about anything before in my life and I wanted a piece of that feeling. It's very inspiring!
FT: Acceptance of guidance is key to an orderly society.
QCC: Precisely! I have zero tolerance for dissent. It's irresponsible and leads only to chaos. You can tell who the good people are because they do as they're told.
FT: Your admirable attitude is not shared by everyone of your race, unfortunately. What do you say to those who spread stories of Nazi mistreatment of Jews?
QCC: You know something? I'm very glad you asked me that. I want to set the record straight once and for all. There are some people who speak solely from their personal agenda, with no regard to the truth, without a single thought whom it might hurt. Their one and only motivation is to spread a self-centered, self-serving skewed viewpoint of the world which they believe will be of benefit to them right or wrong [Hi, Donald!]. I cannot tell you how steamed I get when I hear those people speak, talking with authority when they don't have a clue as to what's true. I've known only the best of treatment from the Nazis and frankly sometimes they are better to me than I am to myself.
FT: Wow! That's some speech, very powerful. I just want to conclude that you are a shining example of what even a Jew can be. If all Jews were like you it would certainly make the final solution much easier and these times much more pleasant. Please check this column next week as we explore the Jewish conspiracy to re-introduce the Black Plague to Europe.