Sunday, October 12, 2014

How Obama Can Get His Groove Back!

Celebrating not living on minimum wage.

Finishing up my trilogy on O-Man (because things happen in threes), today we're going to talk about the coming rebirth of a political career unprecedented in American history - that or of a failed Gong show contestant. Seems those "pragmatic" and "necessarily unprincipled" political decisions made by the Democrap brain trust have not played out as these geniuses had expected! Imagine that! To paraphrase one of those visionary minds: One must jump off a high cliff onto sharp rocks in order to find out what happens. Indeed!

In other words, the midterms look like shit with a low voter turnout from an unenthused base. This has rattled the Man Without A Plan and said brain trust into action - or what passes for action in their minds. Time for some hard, take-no-prisoner stands, some MLK-sounding sermons on the mounts because after all, that's who Mr. Hope(less) and Change(ling) is. So we see comments on taking a firm stance for net neutrality and also a definite "serious pondering" on the closing of Gitmo by Presidential decree. The Democraps must have worn out their calculators figuring this stuff out.

Surprisingly, wild cheers and spontaneous rallies have not popped up in response to these I-have-a-dream like statements. Too many damn cynics and perfectionists seeing them as more Johnny-come-lately ploys of hollow rhetoric. What's wrong with you people? Where's the praise? Where are the tears of joy steaming down awe-struck faces? If only you'd believe in miracles, so would I! Luckily, there's a real genius around *cough* that can solve this situation with a deft political dim mak.

Wanna rally the base? Easy. Step one: Unilaterally remove marijuana from Schedule 1 classification. Make it known anyone standing in opposition to this rendering of justice will be standing in the unemployment line. Want to be known for ending wars? Ending the longest and stupidest war of all would truly be historic. Fox News will declare the President is trying to stick a joint in the mouth of every kid in America. But that should be no problem to a person of faith in truth prevailing in the end.

Secondly, declare you were wrong to protect the banks and Wall Street. Lament how it was myopically expedient and irrational to let these crooks continue to run the show. The outcome can only be total and utter annihilation of the American economy. (If you think we've been cured of greed, you will be educated the hard way!) Point out that the amount of money printed to prop up "Wall Steer" amounts to the same as giving $57,000 to every American family. Simply announce the bond buyback money will now go directly to the public and that Alan Greenspan belongs in Gitmo as a true terrorist and mental Mongoloid.

Lastly, show some passion! Why does Biden always get to play the loose cannon? "Accidentally" let slip a "gaffe" of honest emotion, e.g. "That asshole Boehner can suck my big black dick!" The howls of both laughter and phony outrage would be heard from coast to coast. Trust me, lines would form around the block to the voting booths in a Republicant nightmare. We're tired of calculated replies and half-measures. No one votes for someone who does nothing but take shit all the time! There's some political pragmatism for ya!

Alas, the end has already been written. America's 21st century Presidents will be seen as faceless, feckless enablers of destruction just as the final Roman emperors are. There will be many faux movements to "restore America's former glory" just as there were during Rome's decline. Sycophants of soul-less saviors will rally from one to the next as each one is exposed. Ptolemy and Caesar, my ass! President Pathetic is no better or worse than most people. But it is one's obligation to at least be self-aware enough not to run for positions of power when so sorely unsuited.

The dream is over.

No comments: