Monday, July 31, 2017

Debby Does Death

"Now everyone feels my rage!" I proudly proclaimed.

I was surrounded by reporters as I was being taken in for my first day in court. They were condescending in their questions, filled with smug superiority, secretly loving it that I showed no shame or remorse for the killing of Debby, a rich white woman, by me, an embittered, resentful homeless loser. For many, it was their class warfare nightmare come to life, a particularly thorny issue with the growing inequality of ultra-pricey San Francisco.

The airwaves were having a field day.

"I hope they hang him twice! We can't have that sort of element in our beloved city. They'll ruin everything if you let them! Can't be too hard on someone like that."

"He couldn't make it in his life so he had to take hers. What a sad, pathetic person! Why can't people just mind their own business!"

"If this town isn't safe for rich, white people there is no hope! We are the essence of San Francisco and we are being victimized by the oppressive poor!"

The wealthy elite even staged a protest driving their Ferraris, Maseratis, and Bentleys through some of the poorer districts, cursing the "resentful losers" who came out to gawk at them. Women protested me as just another male abuser - and one more reason why Hillary lost due to misogyny. Conservatives crowed I was the perfect example of why we need to lower the minimum wage so everyone can have an esteem building job making rolls at Hardees at 5 in the morning. Like I said, I was all the rage.

Fuck 'em, and the horse they rode in on. I alone know my truth.

If only I could have held up a mirror to the ugly faces I saw. No one respected me so this was their big chance to show me their ass without fear of retribution. One got the feeling they wished this happened every week where a homeless man beats one of the privileged few and throws her off the Golden Gate bridge. Rare was the soul with nothing to opine on this crime - a crime which, in reality, had nothing to do with them. Or did it?

On one hand I was completely helpless as my fellow man imprisoned me and deemed my life worthless. Not even Jesus could escape the wrath of the mob. One is completely forsaken, no force in the universe exists that can help. Don't believe any person wrongfully imprisoned who is later set free who says "God" got them out. Your fellow man put you in, only your fellow man can get you out. That's asshole God's rules. But most people don't have to directly face that horror like I did in that moment.

On the other hand I was the puppet master as all these crazed busybodies hung on my every word. Their faces lit up like a child at Christmas when I told them I had no remorse and no regrets over what happened. It was that Aha! moment where they felt totally free to demand I live my life as they say. I would drop phrases like "She's glad she's dead" and "You people should mind your own business" and "You wouldn't care as much if she'd been poor and black." I'd say these things and they'd magically appear as headlines next day in the paper. I owned them.

The state was being clever in having a woman as lead prosecutor which would in their minds highlight the vulnerability of women to men. As she got up to make her opening demonization remarks I had to admit I didn't feel there wasn't one person who didn't need or want me to be as big as monster as possible. Monsters sell! They are treasured scapegoats for an ill society. I actually smirked to myself thinking how hilarious it would be if I were to show "Trading Places" as my defense and that I'm simply a product of my environment. I could just imagine all the apoplectic seizures of the self-righteous who assumed my responses were as self-serving as theirs!

Naturally, that smirk made it onto the front page the next day with the predictable ensuing uproar.

"What I'm going to prove is a pattern of anti-social behavior leading up to a vicious murder of a wife and mother of two children. A Christian woman without blame or guilt who was sought out, stalked, and then brutally attacked in a final fit of rage. And why the rage? Because this beast took out his own inadequacies and frustrations on a woman of whom he knew he was not worthy. If he couldn't have her nobody can!"

I could see the blood boiling in the jurors' faces. Debby's family was seated in the front row ready to pounce on me in vile hate. Idiots. They never knew or asked of my feelings for Debby. But they were ready to give me control over their lives, doing nothing but uttering my name in bitter agony instead of moving on. They said they wanted justice but their faces spoke a different story. As lead attorney for my defense I only had one word in response for my opening statement.


The following day I listened very patiently as the state made its case, telling my story of unrequited love, of how my life had fallen apart, and that I wrongly blamed her until I followed her around San Francisco and committed the ultimate crime. When the state rested their case the courtroom actually applauded! Somehow they felt that my guilt would bring them salvation. Funny. No one was laughing when I took the stand.

"First off, in my defense, I'd like to ask that I be treated like your homeboy Wells Fargo who routinely rips off millions of people with no meaningful consequence whatsoever! Can't I, huh?"

Well, that went over like a lead zeppelin. I even got a rebuke from the sanctimonious judge.

"You people want the truth? You can't handle the truth! All of you - every one of you - should go home and mind your own business and stop sticking your nose into my life. If your lives were as righteous as you say that's exactly what you'd be doing this very minute. There was a Southern black woman, an unsung hero of all time, whose son was lynched and murdered by a gang of whites in the Sixties. One of the killers came to his senses afterwards and broke down on the witness stand, apologizing to the boy's mother, asking how she could ever forgive him. Her reply: 'Son, I already have.' The entire courtroom was bawling."

That calmed the flames for a bit until someone threw that first rock. "No one's going to forgive you, asshole!" Then everyone applauded their hate again. No wonder we have the President we have.

Then I dryly motioned to my defending attorney. "Show the video."

"Who is that? What are you doing? Go away!" It was Debby's voice as I approached her with my handheld camera. I stopped several feet away.

"It's me, Harry."

It was early in the morning around 3 AM on the cold, windy walkway of the Golden Gate bridge. She paused to process what I'd said.

"What are you doing here? Get away from me, freak! I never wanted to see you again!"

"Why? Don't you have the perfect life? How can I do or say anything that could possibly mean anything to you?"

"You can't! So go away. And I don't have the perfect life."

"Looks perfect to me! You've got everything! You're a one-percenter."

"I've got nothing! I did nothing. I only made my lifestyle better, not my life. No one loves me! How can they? They don't even know me. Lie, lie, lie! That's all they want me to do. I can't take it anymore. I want out. I need out. I can't believe you showed up after all these years at a time like this. God, where are You?"

She was hysterical, breaking down from decades of disbelief.

"Run back to your parents until you get things sorted out."

"Are you kidding me? They're hardline religious conservatives. I can't tell them I'm unhappy with my life. They'll just throw a Bible at me. I already tried that, it doesn't work! I tried everything and it doesn't work. No one supports me. I can't tell anyone my feelings."

"Neither can I."

"Oh, what? So you are my savior? Look at you. You look like hell! You're sick with stress lesions I can see from here. You're gross. You've always been gross. God has betrayed me!"

"You're the one who said I didn't need you - not the other way around. What do you think 'need' means? That I'd come out OK?"

"I'm not responsible for you!"

"No, just for you. I've been carrying this feeling of unfinished business between us ever since Florida. You know that! That's why I'm here now."

"Shut up! Just shut up! I don't want to hear any of this. I'm ending it right here and now!"

"Don't be so dramatic. You've still got your family for support. I'm the one with no one and nothing."

"That's a joke! They don't support me. Everyone uses everyone. It's dog-eat-dog in that house but no one says a word! I told you before I had problems with selfishness. My whole marriage - my whole life - was based on selfishness. I'm nothing now. I've nothing left to give. They don't have any use for me. It's over. I'll die before I get exposed!"

You could hear the wind noise on the camera mic. I didn't know what to say to her. I also had nothing left to give. With a California divorce she'd end up with millions and could start her life over. That was the thought inside my head. But she knew that already. She simply did not want to admit her self-betrayal. In a Hollywood movie I'd be the hero at this point and carry her away. Neither one of us had the nerve to make that leap of faith. So she made her own leap into the cold, killing water below.

Cut to the credits of my life.

Saturday, July 29, 2017

More News Of The (Dying) World


(AP) (Cocoa Beach, Florida) Four teens who laughed and videotaped while a man drowned were charged with illegal capitalistic practices today. A sheriff's spokesman displayed outrage in his statement. "You can't laugh at people's misery when it's outside the rules! These kids acted like they were at a Republican country club or something. It would be different if they were CEO's high-fiving about layoffs and how it would help their bonuses. That's normal behavior. But this is beyond the pale!"

In a similar incident last year, charges were considered for illegal capitalism as walkers stepped over a dying man in the famed South Beach district of Miami. A popular hangout for the rich and beautiful, charges were dropped as investigators determined the dying man to be "stinky and icky", and thus a harm to potential tourism profits. This drowning incident differs in that no marketing interests were harmed in the filming of it.

This incident also comes on the heels of "Roving BMW" gangs trolling through homeless camps mocking the dwellers with extended twenty dollar bills from their windows only to be yanked back at the last second. Derisive laughter was reported to be heard as many homeless children fell down and scraped their limbs in pursuit of the money laden cars. No charges were filed in that case though a conflict-of-interest was claimed by the victims as the gang's purported leader is also the chief-of-police's stockbroker.

Since the teens' cruelty cannot be tied to any financial gain it is considered an especially odious and hideous crime in the eyes of the public. However, one of the boys' fathers came to his defense. "No one feels bad driving past a jobless person dying the street. It's not your fault he's dying! Same thing here. It's not your fault that man was drowning. That's just the way the world works. Don't see why everyone's getting so angry about recording it."



(Lost at Sea) This reporter gasps as he steps down into the darkness of the ship's hold. Raising a lighter, I could see rows of chained rowers. A harrowing chill swept through my entire body, peering into an existence of eternal hopelessness - but the faces I saw were marked with a cruel happiness.

"We're chained for Jesus, just like he wants us to be!"

"We are filled with his light!"

"Come! Join us and be saved!"

I physically retched at the thought, almost losing my footing. How does one get to be like this, I shivered.

"Careful, don't fall! You are like all lost people, unaccustomed to the Way."

I had to ask what appeal they saw in their plight. "How can you stand the perpetual darkness day and night?"

"It's called faith, my son. We are people of faith, therefor we have no desire to see where we're going."

"But we're heading straight for the Reef Of Death that will rip this ship to shreds."

"Oh, that's the old way of thinking. The captain's shaking things up! We've been stupid avoiding the reef all this time and denying ourselves the riches on the other side. And anyway, we enjoy the naysayers! It gives us a chance to prove our fidelity. Say anything! We'll never listen - even if the ship sinks."

"I'm impressed! But not in a good way."

"Of course, you are lacking in understanding. Our ship is captained by our savior. He's got our back and protects us. Our captain is the only one who makes us feel good about being kept in the dark."

"So this is salvation?"

"Exactly so! Our captain will lead us to great riches! He's a force for good in the world, a force to be reckoned with. You can't beat him! Giggle, giggle! "

"But what of the reports he has thrown even his most loyal followers overboard so he could keep more of the riches found for himself."

"Fake news! He wouldn't have done it if they didn't deserve it! And besides, sounds to me like he was just being a good businessman. Nothing ever wrong with that."

"But what if he throws you overboard."

"I'll simply remain in denial of that possibility until it's too late to do anything about it. Problem solved! Besides, it makes us crazy happy when he pisses off the people who say we should come out into the light."

"Sounds like a plan! They say - realized or not - every person chooses to die for something, however stupid or nonsensical it might be."

"Too true! Too true! We're so glad we are saved and can't be deceived. There was a time this long-haired hippie creep libtard tried to trick us and say we should share and actually go up above into the light. That's not the Kool-Aid way! But we showed his ass!"

"How did you do that?"

"We crucified him on the mast just as Jesus would have done. No tolerance for evil communism! There's just enemies of our way of life everywhere! We're so afraid every minute of the day."

"Well, it certainly sounds like you're on your way to paradise."

"Indeed we are! Captain Dump is our one and true savior telling us everything we want to hear. And you know what? He promises once we get to the riches he's going to give us extra special Kool-aid to drink that will solve all our problems forever! Don't know why you wouldn't want to join us!!"

"Guess I'm just stupid."

"That must be it! Haha! I feel sorry for what history is going to say about you!"



"Mr. Prezzident! There's like only 12 people left that still like you."

"We must do anything we can to retain them! I'm so scared for my insecurity!"

"We did a poll and found they all like war and hate gays."

"Perfect! Throw gays out of the military - now! I want every last fag, dyke, tranny, and bi-queer freak banned immediately. I only want good old fashioned pussy-grabbing Americans in there!"

"We're starting up your Twitter account as you so eloquently speak. But there are other divisive groups we need out of there too."

"Right you are! Put Jews on the list. Not good enough for my clubs then not good enough for the military. No one wants to shower with those uncut losers."

"Spoken like a true leader, mein kampf. This will certainly make your KKK backers very happy too."

"Good point. From now on, only Anglo-Saxon pure whites will be allowed. That sort of uniformity can only strengthen our forces."

"No one likes saluting a darkie, sir."

"I'm going to be sure to put that in my Twitter message!"

"We should ban Democrats too! They're all half-gay anyway. Would you want to trust your life to some libtard? Not me!"

"We're on a roll here! But that means only Republicans will be killed in a war."

"Just ban them too, sir! To keep them safe."

"But then that means only independents will become war heroes..."

"Too dumb to pick a party, too dumb to fight! Out they go!"

"More Twitter gold! But that still leaves the non-voters who might undercut and betray us. Dammit! Why is everyone trying to do us in?"

"Because they can't match your morality, sir! Non-voters we'll put in concentration camps and in your hotel properties as low-level workers. We'll reduce unemployment that way too."

"Damn, I'm a genius! I'm going to try sucking my own cock again!"

"Of course, the mean old left will say you're Hitler for putting people in your wonderful resorts camps."

"I'm my own man and listen to no one (except when I cry like a baby from watching Morning Joe)! Besides, I'm not Hitler - he's just my role model."

"I do believe you've finally created the perfect political statement. Not one person in the world will be qualified to join the military. That's a pretty high standard you've set."

"Somebody has to raise the bar around here. But I'm sure one of those so-called realists will say we can't ban everyone from joining up."

"That's a complete attack on our integrity and principles."

"You bet it is and I'll fight back every step of the way. Remember, the most important principle is maintaining the ability to lie to yourself. No one can like me if I don't lie. Slip just once and do the right thing and your life is ruined!"

"No danger of self-respect with us, sir!

"I have the best staff in the world! Say, not to be a paranoid schizophrenic, why do the call this TWITter, anyway? Does that mean it's just for twits?? Have I in reality been acting like a twit all this time?"

"Can't be, sir, if someone as great and wonderful as you is using it."

"OK, but I can't stand all these people saying I do things only from a position of insecurity. From now on I want it called TRUMPer, because I OWN it!"

"We'll get right on it, sire, in the most fanatical and sycophantic way possible. From now on Twit and Trump will be interchangeable!"

"That'll show all them stupid people just how smart we are. It's all about doing things the new way - and the new way is ME."

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Hey, King Donnie, I Wants Me My Candy Bar!

King Donnie god, you is the bestest thing ever happen to this country! You brought freedom to us haters like we never not had before! Hot dang, this must be what it felt like for them slaver-owners back in the good ol' days, ya just shits on anyone ya don't like! Let me tell ya sumpthin': this dog WILL hunt! An' once that dog's out there ain't no goin' back, no sir! We finally got us a taste of the big power an' we ain't ever letting go again, bitches!

There's good hypocrites and then there's them bad hypocrites. King Donnie one of the good ones! I oughts to know: I was votin' for him! He gotta get them other bad politishiuns in line and it takes tough talk to do that. King Donnie already in line so he don't gotta do what he say other people gotta do. This gots to be the most moralist liar in history. Better watch out you bad guy enviro-mentalists!

I sees these high an' mighty too pure to touch loudmouthers complainin' our good king is dishonest. Well, of course he's dishonest, ya moron nut. He's a good businessman. Heck I wouldn't trust me a honest businessman - he'd be some fruit like that Bernie Sanders fool. Ya gots to play rough out there or they just rips ya head off. America ain't gettin' it head ripped off no more. Time to fight fire with fire and cheat everyone's we see! That the true American way! Watch out, world!

I've been begging MSNBC to run this in the background

Juss look how King Donnie been playin' that Russian! He Putin's puppet cuz he playing super complicated three dee chess that NOBODY can understand - he's that smart! That why people needs to get on board with him now! He tryin' to blow up the world but won't nobody let him! They all sabotagin' the good things him tryin' to do. I don't like all them blowhards saying how poison is jess so bad and not no one can debate them cuz they knows everything! That outrageable! Little poison in our land ain't gonna hurt nothin'!

All these worrywarts about 'democracy', that a bunch of horseshit! We is greatest democracy ever. I know cuz they allows even me to vote! So we don't need to be "guardin' it" or crap like that. People got too many rights as it is. Trump gonna get those criminals out there! He gonna fuck up America but bad! I just don't know what wrong with people not supportin' their President when all he want's to is make thing better. Some folks jess think only of themselves!

All I know is King Donnie is a good man and him promise me a candy bar. I ain't got it yet but I know one day I will! Everyone juss need to lay off him and give him a chance so I can get me my Snickers! That all I gonna think about so all you wise assers can keep on barkin' about this and that but I'm not gonna hear a word. It's what like my (good white trash) neighbor said: "The more they hate him, the more I want him to succeed. Because what they hate about him is what they hate about me." Right there with ya, bud!

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Irreparable Tears

"Man looks in the abyss, there's nothing staring back at him. At that moment,
man finds his character. And that is what keeps him out of the abyss."
- Wall Street

"Time feels all wounds."
- Harry Homeless

I woke up falling from the sky,
The final screams before you die;
Landing in a helpless darkness
I start swimming in the blackness.

Is this all there is and to ever be?
Will the sun shine again on me?
I lost my heart inside my head,
Afraid to follow where it led.

Aches return to my joints,
For these pains is there a point?
In fields of poppies I grow weary,
But of that sleep I am leery.

From Love's light I hid my face,
Woman taunts: "You big disgrace!"
The ups and downs are so uneven
Riding roller coaster grievin'.

In Heaven's halls do they know my name?
Or have I been lost to the insane?
I saw her today but could not speak,
Who gives time to a friendless freak?

So many vital stupid decisions
Leaving me with scarred incisions;
I only know if you want to live
Find out what you have to give.

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

trig, You Asshole!

I wasn't done hanging out with you, man. I had plans, for that mythical time when times would stabilize in my life and I'd drive up there and we'd visit Tink and drink beer and pass out in the thorn bushes. I loved having that in my back pocket. Instead, you went to robot heaven where everyone is shut down. Damn.

You were never really far away, though. Talking to you after the election for the first time in years we picked up right where we left off from the old days. We were both on the same page about the results and when you said Hillary losing was the best thing to happen for her as a person I realized that was an unformed thought I didn't know I agreed with. We were kindred spirits and, boy, does that hurt to lose that.

Some people take honesty the wrong way but I take someone giving me their honest opinion as a sign of respect. I always found your honesty refreshing and I knew if you did find out you were wrong in the end you'd 'fess up and it'd all be water under the bridge. I always enjoyed the show.

I'm so sorry for your family left behind and your extended family here. I'm typing through tears. They say love never dies so let's not call this a life cut short but one simply interrupted until we can all get together again.

I heard this coming out of my car yesterday afternoon.
It struck for the first time for being a very sad song.
I wondered why I hadn't noticed that before.

Goodbye my friend
Maybe for forever
Goodbye my friend
The stars wait for me
Who knows where we shall meet again
If ever
But time
Keeps flowing like a river (on and on)
To the sea
To the sea

Saturday, July 08, 2017

Psych Job

That's because she's greedy. [I adjusted my seating on the psychologist's couch.]

Her pursuit was only money?

Not traditionally greedy like that. She and her husband had nothing better to pursue but elevating their lifestyle - true Americans! Once she found those fruits she was unable to live without them, as God intended.

As God intended?

Yes, meaning it's OK for her to have those fruits but that she'd have to get them honestly or her goose would be cooked. That's what makes her so vulnerable to the truth.

And that's how you said you exploited her greed?

Yes, I wanted to expose her. Exposure for her is literally the last thing on the face of the earth she wants. It's a fate worse than death and puts a lie to all she claims to be. It'd be like pulling a curtain back in church and there she is performing a sex act. How could she ever face her fellow hypocrites again?

How exactly did you accomplish that? She would fight that tooth and nail, I would think.

Oh, there's no way I could expose her like that. She has to expose herself. Like most people, she doesn't realize that silence is oftentimes the most revealing act of all.

And now she's silent?

Like a rock! She's a prisoner who refuses to yell for help because then she'd had to admit she is a prisoner and not the vestal virgin she claims. A beautiful trap!

This is the revenge you took?

Yes, by writing about her on the internet, knowing more about her than she does herself. You know, like how politicians get you to vote for them even though they're scandalous liars - it's because you can't admit your own lies. Once she saw my writing it was irresistible for her to self-identify like those crazy Trump supporters who saw tweets about an evil man and just knew that man had to be their President even though they were really seeing the Declaration of Independence. The key to unlocking every life is to remember self-expression is the greatest of all human drives. It's the only way to be connected to God and have hope.

In other words, had she not reacted you would have known you were off the mark about her.

Exactly - or she'd have to keep it inside and make herself sick. I blogged about her and her husband trying to intimidate me and then even trying to bribe me to stop because for them money solves everything. So I took their bribe - sorta.

Sort of?

Yes, I gave an outrageous number like $250,000, something they'd never pay even with their millions. That allowed them to tell themselves, "Oh, I'm willing to make a deal but he's being unfair." When in reality they weren't willing to make any deal.

What if they had paid?

Shit. I'd be in a sticky wicket then because then I'd have to give something back and I didn't want to do that. I would have had to find a way to sabotage the negotiations because they would have had some false angle, just a matter of finding it. But that never crossed my mind.

And that's how we get to the check for a dollar you say her greed won't allow her to give.

Yes, I reduced my price to a dollar that had to be written as a check signed by her. What a beautiful, beautiful trap. Now she's stuck in silence. Sending that check would be like sending a part of herself. What I wouldn't give to hear the rationale she's peddling for not paying! After all the demonizing she's done of me, after getting her to say she'd be happy to get me out of her hair but my price was too high - well, it ain't too high now, honey! "I'm not giving him a nickel!" She's backed into a corner.

You were so sure she'd never send that check?

Absolutely. Partly because she's possessed by her money at this point. It's the god that saves her, keeps her from having to face the thorns of the world Jesus and the 99% must face. She says her life is blessed by God but reality is she spells it with a lower case "g". Trust me, it's very tempting when the pain is taken away to declare it's some sign of morality rewarded. Paying me off would be like be betraying her true god, though.

Truer words were never spoken!

And the other part?

This is the real crux: because I believed in her. That's why I'm her Life Enemy, that I know the truth of what she's done. If you're nothing and nobody then might as well live for nothing and nobody. But she was born something and somebody, a dreamer who had life to offer. But she was too afraid to face those dreams, that she might find out she had those special feelings inside only because she was a self-deceived fraud and she'd be laughed at the rest of her life. It's like never trying out for first chair in band even though you have the talent. But you see the irony is that by running away from herself she then became the fraud she feared - the fraud she never was before.

Believing in her makes you her enemy?

Yes, because that's how I know she betrayed herself. Over time her dreams of wealth perverted her true dreams of wonder. That's a state secret she plans on taking to her grave. She was a unique and special person but her outcome is not. That whole "I am nothing, God is everything" crowd walking around in false humility, it's just another way of dodging responsibility.

So what's left to do now?

Nothing. She knows if she comes clean she loses everything - except her soul, of course. On the other hand, if I showed up in San Francisco a year from now and found her divorced, running an arts store being her own person, and having a healthy relationship I'd be truly terrified for my life.

Really, how's that?

Because then I'd have to face the fact I betrayed myself by not being ready for her, that she grew up and I have not. Once she unmasks herself there's nothing stopping her from unmasking everyone. I did all this betting on the fact most people would rather die than grow up, that's how I keep from being exposed - like Ted Cruz does or some obvious liar like that. It's a horrible way to get elected, all the world's a conspiracy of depravity.

Eagles - Take It To The Limit (Live at The Capital Centre 1977) from DarToren on Vimeo.

Friday, July 07, 2017

Peace Is Over (If You Want It)

Them stupid peaceniks ruin everything. What we need is war. War, war and more war. That's how this country was born and that's how we gonna keep alive. Nothing has changed since the 1930's. Half the world was trying to invade our ass and we did nothing. Same thing now. If we don't start doing more war we'll all be speaking Chinese and living under Sharia law with secret Jewish overlords pulling all the strings in Zionist glee!

We should have essay contests in school so kids can list all the bad things that will happen to us if we don't make war. Got to get them started young! Make them understand there's bad people out there needin' killing - and none of them live here! Except, of course, for the ones that we let sneak in. There are whole countries out there with nothing but bad people. NONE of them can come in! I'm not demonizing here, just stating cold hard facts. Only good foreigner is Putin cuz he helped get us the best President ever.

Some people just want us to sit on our ass and let the invading hordes come in and take over. I'm too much of a patriot for that! Jesus turned the other cheek and look what happened to him. I's a good Christian but I ain't that good! I believe in fighting back! Enemies are everywhere, speaking truth and undermining our values. But this much I can tell you: when the Taliban comes and starts raping their daughters them liberals'll be singing a different song then!

You shut up! He's NOT my Daddy!

Everyone says we gotta be united so what's more unitin' than war?? Nobody can question it without being called the traitor that they is. War: love it or leave the country! If there's one thing that keeps me up at night it's the thought we're never going to have a whole war again. Just imagine! The horror. I'm not here to spend rest of my days hugging a bunch of gay ass trees and doing needlepoint. I'm a real man and real men put bullets in people!

I wish I could get through to them morons what don't understand. It's kill or be killed out there in the real world. We got no choice! Sure, I'll love my fellow man - just as soon he as starts lookin', actin', and thinkin' just like I do. Elseways I got no use for them cuz they are out to destroy us and take away freedom to worship rapacious greed like the good Lord intended. Just look at all the good TVs and cars and other shit we got from doing that. In God's money we trust!

They say war is dangerous but the REAL danger is peace, brother. Peace is hell! Just waitin' to get killed. We got to kill them afore they kill us. They're out there right now planning our destruction and all we doing is talkin' about tweets! We got genius generals knowing exactly who needs killin' and we not lettin' them do their job! That's just nuts! Peace is like being trapped in a cage while they lower you into a fire. It's just gotta stop.

Can't have this without LOTS of war!

Peace may have its time - but it ain't now! Always tomorrow. Today it's war. More people our troops kill the better place the world is! Who doesn't want the world to be better?? Say "Yes!" to war. Say it with all your heart, all your mind, and all your soul. Embrace it and wallow in it and make it your future. Nothing anyone can do, it's the only way. It's great to be the good guys! We can take out anyone we want and always be in the right! Thanks, God! I don't know why some people try to make everything so complicated when the answer is so simple. Ask me I think we oughts to kill them too!

"It says, 'War is over if you want it.' It was still that same message -
the idea that we're just as responsible as the man who pushes the button.
As long as people imagine that somebody's doing it to them,
and that they have no control, then they have no control."

Tuesday, July 04, 2017

The Fear Was Here, The Fear Was There, The Fear Was All Around

McKayla was my seventeen year old yoga partner. We met in the mornings in the park. She was very pretty and I wanted her - something, of course, I could never reveal lest I be marked for termination as a dirty old man. Still, our relationship as fellow yoga-ists was innocent enough even though the world we live in is not. And only the innocent do not live in fear.

McKayla was away on a summer mission trip but I still came to our spot to exercise. Then I saw a gang of policemen heading for me, trouncing the early morning dew. Were they coming for the truth? No. They came to ask about McKayla and was she a sympathizer. A group of her teenage girlfriends had been killed, slaughtered by Homeland Insecurity in a burst of automatic fire. The girls had been wearing forbidden beige, thus threatening national security.

The usual debates followed on who was right. Beige is the color of the world's most notorious anti-terror group, hoping to spread peace and harmony throughout the world thus destroying our socioeconomic system and way of life. Everyone agreed it was a horrible tragedy "but the girls had been warned. They have to take responsibility for their deaths, not us killers!" Their suburban mothers suddenly changed their minds on what it means to be safe and went on talk shows saying the insanity has to end now that they are the ones feeling the pain.

I too was outraged by the out-of-control Homeland Insecurity assassins and listening to the political people talk only made it worse, saying it's OK to slaughter our own children just like it's OK to slaughter the children in foreign countries with our kill strikes. Gosh dang, we hate doing it but it's a necessary evil, they claim. We were lectured on how we need to grow up and face the facts on what needs to be done to ensure the safety of our greed otherwise we'll all be living under Sharia law.

Be afraid - be very afraid!

At that point my brain was boiling in rage soup. It made me want to kill. I just couldn't think of who to kill that would make any difference. No matter what happens, the tidal wave of fear trumps our actions. But then I realized my true fear, that I had no one to be nice to in between the dark and the light. The feeling was overwhelming, like trying to repress a volcano. I was scared I was becoming like the guy who shot the cops here in Dallas last year. He was unable to have relationships so he shouted "Black lives matter!" to cover up his motive. Again, the usual debates followed so nothing would actually change.

I went to a coffee café after my workout with these things on my mind. That's when Anthony Bourdain blew smoke in my face. He ranted about how his rights as a smoker had been violated by an intrusive government. I told him I wouldn't be able to hang out with him anymore if he smoked like that. He said I had no moral right to judge him and that he needed to be free and anyone who wants to boink teenage girls has no moral ground to stand on anyway. But I simply explained to him I can't stand having my clothes smell like smoke and it makes me sneeze incessantly.

Anthony then launches into this rant about how the government is making hypocrisy great again, selectively enforcing drug laws as suits them. I pointed out that was happening before except that was in a way that suited him and if real change had occurred they would not currently be in a position to inflict their damage. The groundwork of what's going on has been laid out in the past, that we'd yet to admit we invaded a country unprovoked, raped and pillaged it for own profit, and still all the while we wonder why bad things are happening to us. He agreed.

On the café house TV the news showed a story about the Great Luxury Car race, a charity event to raise money for rich people who feel guilty about screwing the poor. It made the news because their course had to be altered due to the fact a crime scene had been created where the beige wearing girls had been massacred. The participants said despite this sort of cruel inconvenience "we won't let the anti-terrorists win!" They said their hearts and prayers went out to the families of the dead girls but that they were victims of war and we mustn't let incidents like these change our course or convictions.

I staggered back outside sneezing in my smoke drenched clothes. I had no place to go, hungry in my fears and desires. I listened to those with Answers, certain of their uncertainty. Many agreed with my own concerns just so long as they didn't have to mean it. So I just stopped listening and talking and looked at the faces of those around me in mute observation. It's easy to see the cover-up, hiding what they know about themselves. Their eyes are constantly darting around wondering if anyone notices, perpetually looking over their shoulders. Yes, the fear was here, the fear was there. The fear is all around.

One Of These Nights from c3bool on Vimeo.