Monday, September 05, 2016

Formula For Un-Success

Most people aren't aware of Joe Quixote, Don's younger brother. Joe shared the same romantic passions as his brother, seeking to bring truth and justice and chivalry to an empty and boring world. One day Joe came rushing into the room full of vindication.

"I knew it! I knew if I keep digging I'd find something. This will change the world!"

Don was staring at his large screen TV watching the winter Olympics. He'd retired from public discourse at this point feeling mishandled by the world.

"Just look at those skiers. All they have to do to be successful is just ski. None of the rest of the world matters. I envy that."

"But look at what I found. Come back into the world!"

"What the fuck for?"

"This proves it. My formula on derivative trading coupled with investment bank leveraging proves that greed will ultimately destroy us. Now people will have to do something!"

"They'll just call you a nut. Or a communist. Maybe an anarchist. Some sort of 'ist'."

"But they can't! Not this time. It's here in black and white. How can anyone dispute it?"

Don shook his head and smiled. "You'll see."

"But there's no future without truth and justice. To forsake that is to forsake everything!"

"You go around implementing truth and justice, believe me, there'll plenty without a future after that. People base their lives - their whole families - on keeping lies and injustice alive. Those assholes will say anything they have to to keep things going just one second longer."

"But they don't have to live that way! That's the good news."

"OK, have it your way." Don pointed out the window. "The windmills are that way. Let me know how it turns out. Guess stupid runs in the family."

"If seeking truth and justice is stupid, then so be it. I plead guilty! Call me what you will."

"I know exactly what they'll call you," surmised Don, his eyes never leaving the big screen.

"Not that it matters but what exactly would that be?"

"Quixotic." The word was spoken with such bitter acidity it dripped onto the floor burning holes in the wood planks.


Joe approached many news outlets but found no takers. Don was quick to chastise. "You idiot. Those people have kids in college and mortgages to pay. You can't tell them they have no future, especially if it's true."

Joe was able to find a much impugned doomsday website, however, which happily printed every word. His work was buried along with much less credible info to be smeared with the same brush. Every which way Joe turned he found no takers. Finally, his discouragement was complete.

"I just don't get it. Don't people want to live? If everyone is as holy and righteous as they say they are then why are they so afraid of the truth?"

Don snorted. "If people are as holy as they say they are then why is the world so fucked up?"

"You know, you never used to curse like that before you got bitter."

"So fucking what."

But Joe's posting did get enough publicity to get the usual pointless debate going in lamestream media.

"It's easy to know what the truth is: if I want to hear it, it's the truth! If not, then it's not."

"But you can check this yourself. Here are the facts. Look!"

"Nobody knows what the facts are! You're just making things up to suit yourself."

"But that's what you're doing!"

As with all dishonest debate, nothing got resolved. It did get the notice, however, of the evildoers themselves.

"Sir, did you see the debate on the derivative formula? Is it true the economy is doomed?"

"Of course it's true! We're the ones dooming it, taking all we can before the end comes. Let the suckers keep thinking they have a future, it's the only way they'll keep propping us up!"

"But what if someone actually believes him?"

"No one ever believes his kind until after the fact. But we're ultra-conservative so you can never be too careful. Better take care of him the customary way."


Joe returned home to his brother a beaten man. "God is absent from this world. There's nothing left to fight for. It makes my head hurt just thinking about it."

"Welcome to my world!" crowed Don.

"I did everything I could. I had no choice in the end."

"I know."

"These guys came up to me. Told me I had to stop. That only made me want to fight harder! But then they gave me this check for ten million dollars and said to let the world take care of itself."

"Did you take it?"

"What else can I do? No point in keep talking."

"That's great! Now we can get a bigger TV!"

"Life has no point..."

"Sure it does!"

"That's rich coming from you after all these years of moping! So what exactly is the point of this life, Mr. Sunshine?"

"To die with a bigger TV screen!"

No comments: