Friday, October 17, 2014

Why I'm PRO Ebola!

Don't even write it without a suit on!

Churches are suspending Communion traditions and encouraging congregants not to hold hands or kiss. New York Giants football players are second-guessing whether their wives should accompany them on a road trip to play the Dallas Cowboys on Sunday in Arlington.

And at the State Fair of Texas, even Big Tex is urging visitors to wash their hands. Dallas has seen only three cases of Ebola, but it’s top of mind for almost everyone.


To quote a great Texas philosopher commenting on the act of rape, "If it's inevitable, just relax and enjoy it." That's the kind of spirit we need in the face of adversity! If you can't beat the virus, join it! Dallas is ground zero for Ebola infections and we're standing up quite well, thank you. Haz mat uniforms are flying off the shelves, schools are emptying and hospitals send patients home undiagnosed because we ain't afraid of no fever!

Take that, Ebola bitch!

In honor of our fighting Texas spirit, of our new state motto "Remember the Ebola!", and the wisdom of relaxing in and enjoying your haz mat uniform, I present to you this song:

Hysteria comes from Liberia,
Where you get a disease just from ordering
a soda;
E-B-O-L-A soda;

You walk in the street get an itch in your pants;
I went to the doctor and asked what it was,
He said Ebola;
E-B-O-L-A Ebola! La-la-la Ebola;

Well, I'm not the world's most intelligent guy,
But I know when I'm scared and so scared I am
Of Ebola!
La-la-la Ebola;

Well, I'm a redneck who can't understand
Why damn Obama did infect the land
With Ebola!
La-la-la Ebola La-la-la Ebola;

I stay inside I'm so full of fright,
Sleeping in my suit at night;
Liberal bias says I am unhinged:
This is Obama's African revenge!

Well, I'm not the world's most relevant guy,
But I still want to see the sky without breathing air
of Ebola;
La-la-la- Ebola! la-la-la- Ebola!
Ebola! la-la-la Ebola la-la-la Ebola!

I'm running away
To live on the moon;
The only safe place
Without President Doom;
If that don't work I'll find an asteroid!

Well, that's the place where I wanted to stay,
But I know one day even there I'll find damn
La-la-la Ebola!

Planet will die with none left to cry;
It's a fucked up muddled up terrified world with
La-la-la Ebola!

Well, I got a raise this week before,
Exxon Mobile making me their high paid whore;
But then I got this fucking disease,
And money's no good when you gotta wheeze!

Well, I'm not the world's most sensitive man,
But I know when I die I'll not die like a man
With my Ebola;
La-la-la Ebola, la-la-la Ebola;
Ebola la-la-la Ebola la-la-la Ebola!

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