Monday, May 05, 2014

Discussion Between Left And Right Before Death

Ten stories up the ropes to two grand pianos hanging off the edge of the building snapped simultaneously. Down below stood two men perfectly aligned under each falling instrument of death.

The man on the left spoke up to the man on the right. "You might want to move there, buddy. There's a piano falling down on you." As he spoke he stepped out from underneath the shadow of certain death.

"I'm not your buddy so shut your mouth."

"Just look up, you'll see what I'm saying."

"Not looking anywhere you say. You're not the boss of me."

"Not trying to be anyone's boss!"

"Then shut your damn mouth!"

"I can't just let you die. That piano's coming down fast!"

"Oh, the sky is falling?? I'm sick of you alarmists, nothing is ever good enough for you. But, hey, guess what? I'm still alive! So keep your doom and gloom to yourself."

"It's not doom and gloom if you move..."

"Oh, I get it, because you moved now everyone else has to too. I will not stand for that sort of fascism!"

"Nobody is forcing you to do anything. I'm simply relating a matter of fact: that if you stand there you will die."

"Fact? That's no fact. That's your opinion. All you people do is whine, bitch and moan about how everyone else acts. How about a nice big cup of shut-the-fuck-up?"

"You certainly do make it tempting, I must admit. Still I feel it's my duty to speak up."

"So you can stick your nose in everybody's business? Your type is always prancing so high and mighty like you're some sort of saint. No one else can ever be right, just you are!"

Another fascist forcing his opinions

"Not everything is opinion and there is such a thing as right and wrong. I implore you, sir, to change your position."

"Change my position?? You change your position. I'm not one of those malcontents saying everything has to be perfect. Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good, I say. I'm staying the course."

By this time a crowd had gathered. Most were standing on the side of the man on the right. They loved his fighting spirit in the face of what seemed to them as imperial demands. One thing each of them made sure to never do was look up. Soon, many voices started attacking the man on the left.

"You bastard! Leave this good man alone. What's he ever done to you?"

"Your kind is never satisfied. You can't understand a man of faith like this fellow on the right. He doesn't have to question every little thing!"

"That's right! Why don't you do something constructive instead of just tearing people down? Would do you some good to listen for once!"

The crowd on the right self-applauded and congratulated one another on what they saw as very clever arguments to muddy the waters. When the man on the left attempted to make one final plea as time was running out, the angry crowd shouted him down, cursing him and galled by his continued insistence to speak. "Don't you ever get enough?"

The man on the right was laughing in victorious debate. Many well-wishers shook his hand. "We showed him! God is on our side." In a show of support, four others crowded around the man on the right. "See that, mister? We have the courage of our convictions. We don't cut and run and change. You don't understand this now but we're here to tell ya, someday your time is gonna come."

Fairly giggling, the man on the right couldn't resist one last taunt. "Ain't so smart now, are ya? Haha! Know what I think? I think you can suck my - "


All told, six people died as the piano landed according to the laws of physics. Many said that just proves how science can't be trusted by men of faith. A few busied creating a shrine to the "fallen martyrs." Finally, an old woman clutching her purse in anger walked over to the man who was left and addressed him through seething teeth.

"I hope you're happy. You just got six good people there killed! I hope you can live with yourself. Don't be blaming others for what you done! You've got to take responsibility! These folks were trying to help you and you spit in their eye! You've got no respect for the truth!"

The man who was left walked away having seen and heard enough. But his refusal to debate or buy into their anger infuriated the crowd even more as they hissed under their breath. "There's just no living with the likes of that. We're going to have to do something about that."

Jesus wept.

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