Saturday, August 25, 2012

Hi! I Love You! Can I Burn Your House Down?


"Hey! Hi! Heard you were feeling down! Time for me to get to fixing you!"

"Huh? What? Just let me sleep..."

"No problem. I need to do some investigating around here anyway!"

"Please, go away...I need rest."

"I know you don't mean that! I'll decide what you mean when you speak. Pretty damn helpful, huh?"

"I can't take this right now. Let me be."

"I wouldn't consider such a thing! I luuuv you! OK now, where are your private papers? I must see what's going on."

"This is like a nightmare. You don't listen to anyone or anything -"

" - because I already know what you really mean - "

"- and I can't get any peace and quiet even with my door locked - "

" - my picking the lock proves how much I care - "

" - now I can't even feel safe in my own home - "

" - I'm here to fix all that - "

" - because you have no sense of boundaries or no sense of anything."

"You're only saying that because you don't feel well. Oh, wow, look at this. Your diary entries here are fascinating. I'll mark down what I do and don't approve of."

"If only I had the strength to reach over and choke you. God, you're a freaking out-of-control maniac!"

"This is what I do: I fix people! I love you! I'd die for you!"

"Then, please, die already."

"Let, see. I'm just going to pin my ears back and get down to business. You know, your diary is very beautiful. I'm giving it much of my approval!"


"I could care less what you think. Just stay out of my business. You're a fucking menace. Christ, of all the times to pick. Right at my most weakest."

"That's what I'm here for: to invade you at your weakest moment! Some call it rape but I call it caretaking."

"Like when you let your boss buttfuck you in front of his friends so they could laugh?"

"Yes, wasn't that sweet of him?"

"Or the time he peed on your head and made you say it was raining."

"God, how I worship that man! It's a special love we have. His wife must be jealous of us!"

"Just leave me alone. I don't need some whore breaking into my house."

"Don't worry! I'll make sure no whores do!"

"You must be the most self-oblivious person in human history!"

"I wouldn't know."

"God help me."

"I'm going to fix that attitude of yours. But what you need is a better house. This simply won't do! I'm going to fix that too!"

"Hey, stop pouring that gasoline around my home! Lord, I don't have the energy for this. How do I fight this blind demon?"

"Be strong! Remember, I'll be fighting with you!"

"I just dialed 911."

"No need for that. Don't give up. You'll always have me!"


"You burned down your house now you think that's the answer to everything."

"Isn't it wonderful to find an answer! I'm so glad to give you hope."

"Just leave my house alone! I don't care if you love it or it hate it, you infuriating witch."

"You're lucky I know you so well and know what you do and don't mean. You know this place isn't worth saving! Hey, you got a match?"

"That's her over there, officer, pouring gas and trying to burn everything down."

"Get your hands off of me! Fool! Don't you understand I'm only trying to help? I'm a martyr like Jesus on the cross. Giving love but persecuted in return."

"Thank you, officer. She broke in like a lunatic and I'll never feel safe again. I never in my life thought anyone would be so insane as to act like this. Just boggles the mind!"

"Damn all you ingrates! Can't you see I'd die for you? You owe me! I should never be questioned! Pee on me, officer. Go ahead. I'll tell you it's raining just like you want. Tell me that isn't true love!"

"He's not a sicko who wants to lie and be lied to. You need to go fix your own home."

"I have NO interest in fixing that. I'm an unselfish, caring person. My only interest is in fixing others' homes. Just you wait and see how many people I can make believe that."

"Officer, take her away. There's no hope for her."

"I'll be back! You'll see! My love cannot be denied! I'll burn down the whole world if I have to! That's how much I care!"

No comments: