Wednesday, November 09, 2011

A Letter Of Hate, 1886


"So it's you, the whore of Babylon. You who opens her legs not for love but for earthly profit and the security of brick houses. You who sells her dreams for a nickel and social homage. My one wish is to stick a knife in God and gut him like the pig you are for making me need you.

"What did I do but build monuments of despair, trading quarterly profits for a soul. Now I've wrecked even my business as I did not have you to believe in me. I burned it to the ground, every last cent of worth destroyed in the ashes of hopelessness. Yet you carry on as if the sun and the moon and stars do not exist. It's for strangers' love unmet you live.

"Letters of love I wrote you both sent and unsent. Where were you? If love is not your name then I send this letter of hate. I said I'd wait a lifetime and the prophecy has come true. As true lovers walk hand in hand exchanging vows, we live in armed camps of opposition defending our deaths. You sent assassins in the night to keep word of my love from getting through. I was left to wrestle devils in the darkness as you climaxed in ecstasy.

"Day by day the weight of the world wore me to the bone, breaking my will. I crawled like a dog through the streets looking for scraps of love to survive. When a bone would break, it healed back twisted and bent, never the same. You were never there to help, never a friend. I was left to wolves in love's clothing hounding me in my moments of greatest pain when I needed the greatest rest. Would you rather the wild-eyed animals had eaten me alive?


"Just as you swallowed the poison of your lover's lies you left me to drink foul waters of the world. How I fought back the thirst that drove me to such bitter intake! How I prayed for death each time my lips touched the odorous rivers of discontent filling my nostrils with repulsion. In the daylight I dare not even move lest my breath give me away to your bombs of silence and arrows of fire. How is it you came to believe my death could solve your problems?

"Only your presence makes me whole and complete. How can half a man ever win a race? In your eyes I saw the ages of time past and present. Mountains turned to molehills as clouds called out our name to climb aboard and gaze upon the heavens as dreamers do. And then we'd say: What of a world that does not serve love!

"Do not the angels weep at our lost oneness? Do not malcontents drive slanderous wedges to hold us to their fate? Have not our lives washed up on the shores of shipwrecked adventurers? Has not the light passed from your heart even as you must tip your hat in ruthless courtesy? Have you found treasure equal to our fortune of feelings? Remember walking in the sand as the stars envied our brilliance? Oh that a small smile escapes me even in rough seas such as this...


"As I leave this earthly hell I wonder of you still. As blessings turn to curses and day passes into night the echoes of our laughter fade to black. Surely, it was the laughter that was real, not this fantasy pose to please the camera's unwavering lens. To whom can we explain the explosion of our love if never having experienced such joy? Some say such is not even possible! But you shall get your wish as the secret dies with me here in the bottom of this damp and ancient well lost since the time of Hebrew slaves.

"What fate shall you grant me upon learning my final utterance was your forbidden name? I shall not even write it lest it brand me a fool for the ages. So it is pride gets the last laugh. But I remember your face - defying the gods of worldly cruelty to the end. I die with my arms outstretched, my heart cracking and longing tears burning into the floor. And now with my final breath, I say your name in grace. Goodbye, and fare thee well in God's mercy."

Joseph Lloyd Wright, Jr., 1886. Both morally and financially bankrupt, written with a literal rope around his neck who promptly kicked the chair out from underneath to hang himself in finality.

1 comment:

Max Silver said...

There are few things in the world that can be as evil as love....