It's a bit of a hike, but within my sphere of roaming is a conglomeration of restaurants, a movie theater and shops that always proves to be a lively spot. I've blogged before how once I was frozen by the delicious smells of life when coming out of a movie and I just stood at the railing ensconced in an olfactory cocoon of vicarious vivaciousness. As I inhaled the lives of others I painfully remembered how beautiful life can be. That bittersweet moment pulls me back there on a regular basis and when deciding on a place where to spend what turned out to be a fairly warm New Years, this was the spot.
But apparently, I can't stand to have anything good in my life and anytime I return now I relive the shame of that night.
Like I said, there were all sorts of babes out that night - unbelievable babes dressed to the nines. I'm usually of two minds on this: one to be near them and another to avoid the frustration. But that night I wanted to see them and ogle them and secretly fawn over their long, tan legs. A thousand years of frustration could be released with one of those fine lassies - and my heart would hate no more. Eventually my volcanic passions overwhelmed me, screaming out for life. Helpless, I gave in to the single greatest crime any homeless person can commit: I wanted to live.
An unleased retail space in one corner of the complex has stairs and a walkway leading to the upper floors. Underneath that is a dark area perfect to hide in at night. It's also between the shopping area and parking garage so there's lots of traffic passing by. I picked out three very hot girls with short skirts and exposed midriffs that brought you to your knees. How much is a poor guy to take? I unleashed my desires and clothing in naked homage but it's when I saw them heading to the parking garage that I lost all control.
"Should I do it? Should I do it?" my fevered brain pressed over and over. Bedazzled by their beauty, I broke. "I'll do it!" But what would be my story? I know, the direct approach. I'll run in front of them naked chanting, "Spank me! Spank me!" Yeah, they'll love that. Can you just imagine being bent over those bare, hot legs and getting my ass slapped?? Sweet Jesus in heaven! Half excited and half terrified, I timed my run perfectly for my hoped-for menage-a-quatre, only half-looking at my targets, pretending not to see them.
And then: nothing.
Not a word, not a shriek, not even a groan of contempt. Motherfucker, I knew I was invisible to you folks but I didn't know it was literal! Did they somehow not see me at all? Impossible! I still needed to run back to my clothes but I'd lost the nerve to pass them again. Son-of-a-bitch! What a mind fuck. What a burn. Now I'm twice as frustrated as before. There's just no pleasing them - ever. A thousand tons of guilt weighed on me as I stealthed my way back to my clothes and slinked away.
Sex in the homeless community is an upside down mirror of sex in real life. We just don't have your advantages of disguise. My lust is exposed - and fearlessly derided - for all to see. Your lust comes out in unwanted babies. Rape of homeless women is a common occurence. It's unreported because they figure either no one will listen or they don't count anyway. But also playing into it is that like the suburban housewife they still believe being used for sex is the same thing as being useful. My, my - what a fucked up world we live in, Mrs. Robinson.
See? We homeless know all your secret desires and true colors - no wonder you fear and loathe us so much.
P.S. This is the kind of stuff you write when the guy in the cot next to you keeps fucking farting all goddam night.