Monday, January 28, 2008

The Warlord’s Prayer


Hell has brought me here. I have come home. Hell is the only place that does not betray me or expose me. Heaven has rules – hell does not. Success is what I savor. So I go where I thrive. In the jungle, it is the animal that rules. I love it when I feel nature crushed underfoot as I pass through spreading terror. Glory in my destruction! I am the beast and I have come to rule!

Deluded souls come to turn hell into heaven. I welcome them. I wish all to share in my domain. Laughing, they say they will defeat me, thinking they have tricked me by my allowing them in. But in the end they do not realize our goals are the same: to not seek heaven itself. The fools, the followers, the failed, the foul, the fearful, the feculent – please, join my futility, my friends! It is my burning desire.

Many try to destroy me. They cannot. For I am them! Who among you does not believe in war? Who among you says your savior has not a sword? Who among you says the world can live without hate? It’s not me they seek to destroy – it's their own sins they wish to hide. You created me, shaped me in the womb of war, beat the human out of me – for "my own good" – and taught me well your ways. I come back now to eat you, my dead eyes feeling no remorse.

The four corners of the earth are my steppingstones. Your palaces are my outhouses. All the finest things sit at my feet. You declare me outlaw but no matter how many morals you claim none of you defies the beast. Socialism, fascism, communism, capitalism, this ism, that ism – they all worship at the altar of money. The beast is my protector and I have risked all for the beast. To defeat me you must first give up the power given to your money! HAHAHAHAHA!

When I must stop to breathe, I find shelter in your hidden perversions. Thank God you are truly no better than me or my time would be short indeed. The world, you see, is a criminal enterprise. Justice is not its goal; it smothers those who seek it - and by God you're not going to goddam smother me! The criminals may change but our endeavors do not. Put on whatever disguise you want: the policeman's badge, the high priest's robes, the soldier's camouflage or the businessman's suit, just please continue to keep up the hypocritical lie. Without it I die.


This prayer inspired by
Viktor Bout, Merchant of Death

Sunday, January 27, 2008

I am the god-Man, Goo-Goo, Goo Joob!

"I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together."

There were rumors of a new leader around, a Super Leader, unlike you and me. A leader who could be blindly followed and unburden his followers from the unbearable oppression of thinking. No mere mortal was he rumored to be, but a god!

"Awesome, dude! No one can question a god!"

"He’s different than us. He must be better!"

"He shall save me from me!"

They Who Need To Be Led gathered to hear the god-Man, a.k.a. the Man Who Needed No Water. No one could match him! He could cross deserts, had the endurance of twenty men and never needed to pee! Oh, to be like the god-Man and not be bound by earthly rules. This gave fresh hope to the sheeple trudging along in miserable reality.


"Expert textpert choking smokers,
Don't you think the joker laughs at you?"

All hushed as the god-Man began. “There are those among you who say we are all the same on the inside, that universal truths exist for all of us. But I say the only truths are the ones we make!” Wild applause for the new hero. "Don't believe defeatists who tell you nature is the only way. Forget the futurists who see no tomorrow on the road we follow. But embrace the enlightenment that life is as we wish!" Spontaneous cheering - laced with a certain anger -erupted in bitter delight. "To the doubters I say: How do you know what you know? What is the definition of 'know'? Who is anyone to say what absolute reality is? Today, I bring you a new reality and black is no longer just black and white is no longer only white."

The leader’s words fed a need and a hunger in the sheeple for hope, for they were on a hopeless path. Their own unworthy thoughts told them to find a different path, that they were going the wrong way, and such thoughts tormented them in eternal agony. Mercifully, this Man of Superior Thoughts came to show them the error of their ways. Yet, doubters remained and the only way to resolve the truth was by invoking the holy crucible to purge all lies: a Silly Argument.

Silly Men stood on a stage in front of the gasping crowd. It was a Momentous Occasion, for these mental giants would cull truth from the miasmic cloud of illusion, enthralling the watching throng as a magician with his Magic Hat.

The Conspiracist charged first. "You are lying and I have the proof!"

"Show me your proof and I’ll show you my ass!"

"You must take us for fools! Everyone needs water! You cannot survive without it!"

“Poppycock! Love is completely optional! What are you, a biologist? Explain to me just exactly how I quote unquote need water.”

"Well…uh…your body, you know, it just has to have it. I don't have to prove it, everyone knows it."

"But you just said you had proof! Was it only in your mind? If you can’t explain it then it must not be true!" taunted god-Man.

"Dammit, I know I’m right! I just know it…" But the Conspiracist was defeated into silence– only to be replaced by yet another.

"I, sir, am a biologist. This I can tell you: Your body is made up of mostly of water. Approximately 85% of your brain, 80% of your blood and 70% of your muscle is water. Every cell in your body needs water to live. That, sir, is reality."

"No, sir, that is your reality. I tether myself to no reality of yours!"

"It’s the reality of all of us! There are no exceptions!"

"You’re just making up facts to suit yourself, painting me with your own limitations. In a word: you’re a loser! Looo-ser!"

"I’m not a loser! I’m a highly respected biologist! I know what I’m talking about."

But for a Man Who Knew What He Was Talking About – to be the one who spoke truly – how then was he losing the debate? Every eye in the crowd was on the accused loser, questioning him, doubting him. Even he started to question himself. "Look, it’s true. We all need water!” His voice was draining confidence, searching the audience. "You know I’m right. Right?" But cries of 'How do you know?' and 'Fraud!' were gaining momentum , shouting down the biologist who stepped on their dreams. Man-God was happy.

“No one can stand before my truth! Forget the reality you think you know and follow the words I give you! Dream your dreams, there is no reality but the one you make.” It was then he collapsed on stage, dying of dehydration. Curiously, many of god-Man’s most fervent followers felt a sense of relief.

"Elementary penguin singing Hare Krishna,
Man, you should have seen them kicking Edgar Alan Poe."

"Why, fraud-Man? Why did you do it? All our dreams are crushed now!"

"Mine too!" bemoaned fraud-Man. "But I had to do it. I just don’t believe I can get the water I need. So I chose to believe I didn’t need any. That way I could live."

There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth as fraud-Man died. Ugly, sober reality returned with a vengeance to the wretched sheeple. What hope had they now, forever trapped by the iron grip of their needs? God had placed them in a hopeless existence and farted on them daily.


But through the heavy air came a voice – a new voice, a true voice, the voice of a leader! "That man was a fraud! His only goal to mislead foolish and lost souls, hiding himself in the shadows of your own self-deceptions. He tried to build himself up instead of building others up. Do you hear what I’m saying?" The grateful sheep bahhh-ed in approval. The New Great This-Time-For-Real Leader continued: "Do not be misled again-“ – cries of 'Hell No!' and 'Never again!' ached him – "- for truly I tell you: it is I who needs no water. I am the god-Man, Goo-Goo, Goo Joob!"

Then the sheeple followed him off a cliff.

"I know thee well: a serviceable villain,
As duteous to the vices of thy mistress
As badness would desire."

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Bill Maher, Religious Fanatic


Religion, as I've stated by before, is a belief system made up by people to make them feel good about themselves. Then once that belief system is established, it is then ascribed to be in accordance with the truth. So it's pretty easy to see how fights and wars and arguments and other good stuff break out when one religion clashes with another. "I can't be wrong, man. That would mean my whole life is shit!" Well, guess what, dude. Your whole life is shit.

Turns out even the cheapest motel has HBO now. And I saw Bill Maher’s show where he was red-faced and livid over the Bible. Gee, Bill, what did the Bible ever do to you? His answer would probably be along the lines of how he hates the friction religion has caused, the wars fought over it and how it’s used as tool for oppression. But Bill, I asked about the Bible. What he would say after that, who cares. Point is, a true religious fanatic equates religion with God. As clearly Bill Maher does.

Bill represses his religious beliefs. This gives rise to his twisted thinking that if he can somehow disprove a religion that professes there's a God, then his religion that there is no God will be shown to be The Way. Funny logic, that! It’s just one more attempt of trying to establish a self-serving "truth". Just because religion has nothing to do with God doesn’t mean there is no God.


God is like a car loan for a really kick ass car. We drive the car, run around in it, get laid in it – a total blast. God has trusted with this fine thing in the hopes we'll pay Him back. And when we don't pay back the trust shown us, we feel unbearably guilty and start making crap up – like God doesn’t exist (so then nothing is owed!). Or we make up rules saying that to follow them pays back God. No wonder we're all so touchy considering the lies we feed ourselves.

Bill Maher's funniest line of the night was unintentional. Speaking of the Ten Commandments he said they were written for "a primitive people in a primitive world." See if a night under the I-45 bridge doesn’t change your view a bit there, Bill-man. That's the problem with evolutionists, they always think they're the best there ever was. Being backwards in a different way makes you no less backward. Unfortunately for Bill, he actually tried to back up his arguments.

"You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name." Moron Bill misinterprets that to mean you’re not supposed swear. But he couldn't be more goddamn wrong. What it does mean is you don't commit evil acts in the name of God like, say, invading a foreign country for its resources because God told you to. On this I think Bill would be in complete agreement. You Bible-lover, Bill!

"You shall have no other gods before me." Again, in an effort to protect his own religion, Bill twists this meaning to suit his own ends. He tries to say this means don't build statues or whatnot to pray to. But I hate to break it ya, Bill, this world has more gods than you can count that people pray to. I'll never forget that cunt on the phone who willingly brought destruction on my life because I couldn't please her credit rating god. It's all about setting up a god – any god – that you can worship and believe will bring you life. It’s the whole basis for money – serve it and live, refuse and die. It's a metaphor for the real God.


Just as we laugh at ancient peoples praying to little statuettes to save them, so would the first inhabitants laugh at us for poisoning our air and water, killing and raping one another and destroying our future over little pieces of paper we value more than human life. With half the world needlessly starving, mankind is as brutally savage as it ever was. I guess if I were in denial about that I would attack the Bible too. The ugly soul always attacks the mirror. But Bill is also one that fights for fairness and justice and equity and wants an end to violence. You can hear the frustration in his voice when he speaks of such things. If only he didn't let his religion get in the way!

Monday, January 14, 2008

A Perfect Girl


"You, honey" - he breathed in the utmost passion of conviction – "are perfect! Dear God, are you ever perfect!"

'Perfect', the crack cocaine of words. Too weak to even put up a false denial, she succumbed to its intoxicating power. Say nothing! He might take it back! Surging through her veins, the word rushed through, caressing her aches and soothing her woes of reality. If only she could hide in these throes of ecstasy forever!

“You can say anything,” she lied. “Just don’t call me smart. I is a dumb ol’ girl, I am!”

“Honey, you’re perfect to me!” This proclamation was deeper, even better than before. Walls breaking down, she came begging for more.

“But I is really dumb, sir! You just wouldn’t believe! I know you’re way smarter than I could ever be about stuff, but there’s still this little voice inside of me saying I ain’t perfect at all!”

“Hogwash!” was the swift and firm denial – a perfect denial. Hard and fast and completely sure of itself, confidently doing all her thinking for her. She surrendered to its total penetration of her being. “You know what that voice is?” he boomed. “It’s the voice of the Enemy. The Enemy wants to break you down, make you feel like you’re nothin’. That way he can make you do whatever he wants. Don’t listen to the Enemy – listen to me!”

She arched her back in compliance. “I will! I will!”

“Lies like that Voice are snakes! Once you let them inside ya, it’s impossible to get them out. Stay strong with the truth, never forsake your integrity! Do you believe what I'm telling you?”

“Oh, I do, I do! Every inch of it!”

“Good, that’s perfect! Trust me, honey, just so long as you keep doing what you’re doing, no one’s ever going to say a bad word about you!”

And with that, he pulled his dick out.